"What are your alternatives?" He asked me one day.
I was hoping, I'd be able to draw a tribute toon but I can not yet.
A few things triggered another argument around here & another weekend where little conversation is happening, what else is new.
I gave away postcards the other day and someone asked me 'if I could send one to someone' in particular and "tagged' the woman, I checked out her page - as I do & the first post I read said:
"There are days I wish I did not survive my brain surgery."
It is something when you have days where you feel the only creature in on the planet that would miss you when your gone are your dogs. No wonder I love this little dog so much.
Time to shut myself in my office and paint.
It is what seems to keep everyone the happiest.
Where does it all go? Sit and think for one minute.
All the medication that goes in our system eventually if it does not stick around and fuck - (alter) your body in some way.. it leaves via your pee. Years ago a friend told me of the cancer medication she peed out of her system, how it turned the water a deep red and frightened her... and she like me, then started to think - well then, where does it go?
Cancer medications where you can't have your husband in the same room as you, for 48 hours or it's toxic!?
Sadly, I do know about this stuff first hand, because I have first hand friends that deal with this shit. Forgive me, but I have had an emotional day mentally after attending my first support group for TN. It only hit me after I retuned home and thought about it all afternoon. Then napped in the sunshine with poppy for 2 hours ;) Amen.
You know what I heard a lot of, besides people -who I do think can relate- to my pain.
That is strangely comforting. Is that strange? lol
One woman simply said: "You know when the dentist touches your tooth- and your not frozen, for a split second you want to go through the roof?"
Well that was a great way to describe it!
I get that so many times a day I give up counting... no wonder I am exhausted.
I will admit I was feeling.. defeated.
To look around the room and not one person has Hemi facial Spasm as well.
All very normal people, all have busy lives who suffer with TN, on top of life.
The topic of medication came up over and over again! Never good really. Except for me!
I'm the only one in the room with positive side effects. ;)
Holy cow! Forget it, I'm not going on anything else! I Am keeping it natural.
Rashes that leave you in the hospital and sick for weeks, throwing up.. the same stuff I hear and read about daily over and over again!! You know I get it, but 'I' don't want to play around with my liver or BRAIN or anything else if I can help it ever again.
Storm pointed out to me a while ago we all have to learn to live with a little pain, some physical, some mental, some both. We still all have choices to make every day and many do it!! WITHOUT drugs. When I hear of someone who is on an antidepressant I think of them as being 'on DRUGS' and I AM thankful for that change in my mindset!
I AM grateful for that change in my mindset!
What blew my mind or rather 'who' was this older woman, late 70's if I had to guess (I'm not really good at that though, and I can't remember names at all) she was sweet, her hair, makeup & outfit perfect! And it's an early meeting! She appeared 'to me' to be sleeping much of the meeting- Oh well, I saw it happen in church all the time.
Well, at the end of the meeting - who walks up to me and asks me about Cannabis? HER! LOL Sleeping, she was not!
How awesome, it puts a smile on my face now thinking of her. I wished I had cookies!
One for everyone in the bunch!!
I know what these people are dealing with! Yet, they all had smiles, and encouragement for each other, it was nice to see a few husband and wife teams. I think Norman is done. LOL He can join me next time. Not that I did not LOVE my friend Cathy's support.
If not for Cathy, I would not have gone. She was my driver.
We had to be there at 9:30. She attends mass with her sisters every Sunday. So it was really nice of her. It was our first drive on the 404! WOW! What a difference! It felt like we were there & home in the blink of an eye!
I am glad I went, it has given me much to think about.
I will go again. Nice to know I'm not crazy, alone, frustrated, "sitting crying in a corner"... which is very easy for me to do. Who will it help? Will it make a difference?
I refuse. WE have to keep busy!
Maybe those medications are NOT helping you?
Cannabis MIGHT! It might make you smile too!
WE MUST keep busy. Learn a new hobby. Volunteer, DRAW! PAINT!
KEEP BUSY! & BE. ;)
I know my blog can be all over the place.. so is my mind.
I know I'm making mistakes but I can't sit and re read.
I pray my message is understood. It is all I can do.
More on TN as soon as I can . ;)
I’m exhausted. Feeling drained. Mental meltdown...
I think about cannabis and my head hurts. LOL - *Only with regards to the absolute insanity that surrounds it all on the GRAND SCALE.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Plant a seed and go to jail. LOL How small can you get?
You cannot help but discover all sorts of things when you start to research Cannabis.
A very interesting history based on lies. Of course, it involves money and corporations keeping it under control. Now that it has been exposed, what is the problem?
We are witnessing daily how it is helping save the lives of children around the world,
trust me - I am paying very close attention, as should you. It is helping ease suffering of millions around the world. Still we are faced with lies and excuses.
To get material, I find I am faced daily with facts about death from drugs.
NEVER cannabis! Prescribed medications, use of them recreationally & PROPERLY, chemical cocktails are killing our elderly- and not gracefully!!! Illegal pills, METH, Alcohol <we all know that. Tobacco, sugar, junk food.. it is just insane the things that are worse for you than cannabis. How have we been so ‘duped’ for so long?
I think to myself lately, I want to pull a Bill Watterson so bad you have no idea. ;)
I’m done.. but I can’t.
I see my son, I see him having a life because of a plant. I see him and I know when he is in pain, I know that for most of the time he can control it with a plant. That and rest, appear to be the simple recipe for Storm. He is tired of pain.
I know so many that need it as their medicine, need it to help them move ON!
MOVE PAST and KEEP going. I am one of them.
It appears I have a movement disorder that just won’t quit. I have constant twitching, electrical zapping in my brain 24/7 with very short breaks in between & trigeminal neuralgia thrown in about 7 times day.
Before I sat to ink this drawing I smoked a joint to calm it down, it does not calm the movement as much as it calms my mind and allows me to think clearly. Ironically. Amen.
I have a meeting regarding some work with someone, and I think ‘I must have a bonk hit right before’. This is not to get high. This is my life and I thank God for it - for every second that I remain here with my son and husband and dogs and you.
I do get great e mail from strangers all around the world from time to time, just when I feel I need it ;) We all need to be appreciated. Thank you.
But, I have to draw about more, it is about so much more.
Cannabis is just a distraction. One big PRANK, by big brother.
The Lies they tell, the money & time wasted on a failing DRUG war that will never be under control, the lives we don’t save. Trafficking drugs or trafficking people... where the f*ck have our priorities gone and why are we letting this happen?
SPEAK UP! Educate someone. Share something! Or don’t.
Move out of my way. My head hurts and I’m losing my patience... until tomorrow.
A new day to get it right!
Draw! Have some fun! Play in the garden... grow.
Don’t sweat the small stuff!
xox <>< G
Last Monday I guess I finally had the straw that broke this camels back.
I went for a test, one I had hoped and prayed would help Dr.s see what is finally going on in my head. It was not a pleasant experience to say the least. I left feeling defeated, degraded and ashamed at myself. I had questioned the test as I understood I was to have something different, I was told over and over I was wrong. I can tell you that for the first time in my life I truly felt like a piece of meat. Once home I called and confirmed I was to have a different test. Then I got a bit of 'Blah blah blah...' - and it did not make anything any better only worse. I then think I had a bit of a breakdown. I cried off and on for two days. I needed to get away.
I am blessed with a long time friend who when I asked if I could use his cottage, he offered me his home instead as no one is in it at the moment. I house sat.
I was nice to sit here too as he is a special friend - he has kept me sane these past years with paper alone!! He has supported my cartooning since day one. I could not have done it without him, well... perhaps, we find ways. His friendship for over 20+ years has always been a treasure. He knows it. LOL
To say I was 'roughing it' would be a lie. Central vac, hot tub... amazing privacy & deer!
A Sasquach!? Fire, snuggling with Poppy on my lap CD's ( o.k. - he does need to upgrade his variety!!! lol
Darkness and quite like I have not witnessed in a long time, talk about sooth the soul!
I think I made a new friend to boot! We shall see. Everything happens for a reason ;) .
I have taken photos, walked, explored a little but mostly, I have slept and drawn for 6 days and feel rested. With only Poppy for a companion we have had some fun! Today she lost a tooth. I have to admit both, too afraid to venture out after dark - she has been an awesome little pup in every way I can think of - oh well except for her obsession with the door stopper - Boooiiinnnggg, Booooiiinnnggg, Boiiinnngg!! LOL So happy she just discovered it and not when we arrived.
As much as I needed to get away, I need to return to my family -who is missing me and visa versa.
Blog and new TOONS!!! I am amazed at what I drew while away, I listened to what I thought I should draw about and I was never let down. It was not always about cannabis. It is always about humans. HIV, Future of Health Canada, A political statement that I know many of us all feel right now, a special toon with my son, and some Poppy - because - I still have a every day life...
I AM ready to continue.
Next Blog Sunday!
I only had to research the side effects of the most common OXY.
I do not understand why someone would NOT try Cannabis first.
Yes I do.
Lies and lack of education on the subject.
I believe Cannabis should be someone's first choice as it IS safer than most if not all options available.
I know one of the main reasons my body needs Cannabis is nausea.
I have difficulty maintaining between 115 and 125, I don't like me at 115, and I never in my life thought it would ever be a problem but it is. Cannabis help me eat.
It creates the desire.
It also can make things appear to: 'this is the best tasting pizza ever!' LOL - true.
It's not fun being too skinny and I can't afford a new wardrobe.
Now read the side effects for the prescribed anti nausea medication I have-
PMS ONDANSETRON 8mg :
^ THIS MUST change. Cannabis is a legally recognized medicine in this country, prescribed by Dr.s WE should NOT be forced to use other medications.
SO for those side effects alone ^^^ !? Why would you not at least try cannabis first?
The facts are in the PROOF is here. Google.
Have you watched the Doc. By Dr. Gupta?
I guarantee you, YOU will be better educated on the subject.
YOU OWE that to yourself.
I added the link to make it easy for you xox Because I love you and want you to be healthy and happy.
A friend had some plants taken from his back yard. I am hoping it was just some thoughtless kid and NOT someone he knows. He is upset and stressed. I GET IT.
How do you think I feel when I worry about he proposed future of medical Cannabis in Canada today? Not being able to afford medicine that Storm needs. Medicine I need.
I get it.
Someone stole the plants - to get high. Not thinking much about anything other than themselves and getting a BUZZ. The real buzz is the BUZZ kill a patient now is dealign with over a plant. Suffering - a few months supply of medicine gone. Thief.
If this PLANT were decriminalized and be as IT SHOULD - a seed to plant for all human kind - no one would need to go around and STEAL it!
What other weeds do people do around and steal!? Not my dandelions.
Prohibition is turning people into criminals over plants.
Not the Plant and not the person - that is HUMAN NATURE, to want to feel good.
Please THINK before you consider lifting a plant you might see that does NOT belong to you. It could mean a lot more than getting high to someone - I could mean them being able to keep their job, or function with their family.. it could mean life or death.
A Thief is a Thief. If they steal from one with no guilt, they will steal from another.
It is sad. I don’t think anyone ever trusts a thief again. Including themselves.
I also feel there is an entire beautiful energy surrounding this plant - bad karma if you ask me. Not a high I would enjoy. Not one someone who truly appreciates cannabis would do.
VOTE & GROW it.
I am starting to have issues with ‘anger/frustration’ when I read about the number of people dying from prescribed medications and still constantly read about or hear of Dr.s that won’t even consider cannabis for patients. WTF?
Do NO harm.
What is going on with the pill pushing world and why are we ALLOWING it to happen? Lack of EDUCATION.
I read an article where parents were ‘not as concerned when their child was caught with a prescription drug - over being caught with cannabis', thinking - ASSuming it must be safer - it’s prescribed by a Dr.
The saddest thing about all of this is many find out far too late into he game exactly how bad prescriptions drugs can be, either by dealing with a side effect that is worse that the initial diagnoses or even worse when they are putting a loved one in the ground and then RESEARCH the medication they were on..
Why wait > READ the labels.
• Drug fatalities more than doubled among teens and young adults between 2000 and 2008, and more than tripled among people aged 50 to 69
***Again, these drug-induced fatalities are not being driven by illegal street drugs; the analysis found that the most commonly abused prescription drugs like OxyContin, Vicodin, Xanax and Soma now cause more deaths than heroin and cocaine combined.
It is time.
TIME to DEMAND a safer alternative. Dr.s MUST get with the times and prescribe safer alternatives or I think they will have to start to take more responsibility for patients who die or become addicted to serious narcotics. If they can hand out prescribed medications knowing the implications..
The fact are AVAILABLE yet many still TRY to say there is not enough research surrounding Cannabis - BULL
There is MORE than enough research with prescribed medications to convince me (and millions around the world.of the opposite!) Please educate your Dr.
^^^ read! 6 dangerous prescription drugs YOU should think twice before taking!
Google Death caused by prescription drugs. Prove me wrong ;-)
I've been a little 'quiet'. Not from lack of anything to say - LOL
I am learning how to live a new life... accepting that this is how it is and what am I going to do about it.
I had a visit with a Dr. and he said you must feel like the medical profession has let Storm and you down...
Storm was diagnosed: Progressiove to terminal with no treatment or cure. Thank God for his cannabis which keeps him active, functioning and enjoying life to the fullest while living with chronic pain.
Now, the only suggestion I get is for medications. Which I am not o.k. with. Particularly seizure medication. Have you read the side effects? They are not confirming it IS seizures - so NO. That being said, Botox is worn off I believe and I am living a different life.
One that I don't have so much control over. Somedays I am up at 4, waken up by my twitch so powerful I swear I feel my head rocking on the pillow - those days I pretty much write off. I do what ever I can when I can.
I am THRILLED and thank God and the surgeon every day - I don't seem to be having the doozies - well a couple, BUT not nearly as often or as powerful. The problem is the twitch (which again has been explained it is not a twitch pulling, but electrical impulses going off) it pretty much NON stop all day all the time with breaks in between of only minutes. It is exhausting. By 5 p.m. I hardly want to do anything. My head pounding from constant movement as the night wears on I look forward to going to bed. Daily naps at about 2 are also NEEDED - I'm not fond of napping. I am looking forward to the puppy! It plays for about 20 mins. and then needs to sleep. I have the dogs trained when I nap - so do they.
Or else I'd get no rest. I think they look forward to it now as much as I do. LOL
He (dr.) also asked are you depressed?
I thought about it for a second (I have been depressed before) and replied
"no, not depressed... completely fucking overwhelmed at times, yes."
He understood that.
So with deciding no surgery- no medicine they don't really know what else to do.
I'm o.k. with that. I need a break from all of it. That being said I never really do get a break. I am constantly reminded with each interruption, some painful and always annoying, that this is how it is. Like it or not.
The twitch triggered by talking. I swear on a bad day it is triggered by breathing.
So I noticed as have my family I am getting quiet. I find it ironic that my phone has not been working and decided not to care too much. Less triggers. If anyone really wants to get a hold of me they know to e mail. I am doing much thinking, of course, especially with the approaching changes and much drawing but I am TAKING it easy.
Putting me and my guys and our 'family' first.
The awesome thing about the twitch...
My appreciation, realization and determination to enjoy every day I am blessed with.
I would not say the medical profession has let us down. Stuff happens.
They tried and continue to try. I have been blessed with awesome Dr.s, all of them.
But at some point you just have to step back and say... It is what it is.
I may be a little more quiet but not for long... it does not mean I'm not thinking or drawing. ;-)