Have Faith
<><
​xox

It's Christmas Day - clearly, I was naughty all year as I did not get what I wanted.
Oh well...  I'm not changing anytime soon Santa, so I guess I won't see you for a while.
I love who I am right now. 

Frankly, I'll be glad when today is over.  
I love Jesus. I give thanks everyday and I ask for forgiveness, every day.. lol 
I celebrate him daily.  

I did get one gift, from Storm and it  made me cry. 
I Thank God for Storm. He said he does not need any gifts:  “I need what’s sitting in that chair breathing” he  remarked to me while I was at my desk drawing last night.  

I do hope  people enjoy a good Christmas..  for those that get right into it (and can afford it) I hope your day is perfect!!  
I hope one day to feel the “christmas Spirit” again,  I certainly do not feel ‘it’ this year. 
I also realize how many people feel the same as I do & do not have anyone in their life to even spend today with- that is who my Christmas Wishes go out to today. 
Feel loved. Love yourself.  Jesus loves you, no gifts required. No attending mass required.  
If you do not believe, that’s fine- enjoy this day of PEACE. 
Instead - 2017.. I’ll focus on that today. 
It’s going to be different.  Big change. 

On a positive Note -I have a bulletin board in my office - I put postcards on it *I love snail mail! As you might be aware. lol  
I put all that people send me during the year- and it becomes full as the year goes on! Postcards Cards from around the world, drawings, stickers, letters people write to thank me. It blows my mind & warms my heart.  lol 
For what? For expressing my love? Trying to help bring an awareness to a injustice - isn’t that why we are here? I wonder sometimes if I make a difference. .. then I glance up- right above my desk and I see your wishes, cards and LOVE.   Thank you.  
I had one letter, putting it all away that brought me to tears, Patrick from Conspiracy Culture wrote me a letter after Jamie died.  That gave me the 'Feeling of Christmas' of love.

I cleared it of 2016 - all goes into an envelope marked 2016’ & now it is ready to welcome 2017! The first thing on it my gift from my son, a drawing of cannabis from Todd I received this week and a reminder to myself : You did not wake up to be mediocre today.


Have a wonderful day. 
I hope Santa was good to you, if not - join the club.  ;)

Have faith
xox
<><

*I already drew '2017 Bud'- & it is super cute!!! lol    If I do say so myself...
OWN IT! I AM.  
​Tomorrow, a bit of love into the universe.  
Back to dreaming.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOX3YQMIkU8 check out this incredible artist! 

Mortgage insurance.. do you have it? 
We did and I want to educate you with our own experience regarding it.
*longish blog- sorry - I tried to shortened it .
​
When I started to get ill and could no longer work- even walk (pre brain surgery) I could no longer teach kids,  paint murals, anything and now along with being very ill  we started to feel the stress of  only a one income home,  I was getting sicker because of it. 
My Dr. asked ‘Do you have  mortgage insurance?’ I came home and asked Norm- YES! 
We actually did! & It was to our understanding - If  one spouse gets sick and can no longer help, the bank would pay off the mortgage!  So we ASSumed.

I filled out the papers, had Dr.s letters, from several including a couple of neurologists all stating I could no longer work-  We read the fine print and dropped the forms off at the bank. They came back DECLINED.
Although we have been married 22 years (at the time of applying) because I did not have a “Normal 9- 5 job that I went to every day-  I was not seen as a  $$$ contributor to the family home. In their opinion.
I was a stay at home mom and therefor I did not work.  wow. I was floored…  & I was still very sick and getting sicker. Everyone said - they knew that would happen, the bank never helps people. Forget about it.

I did - what else could I do.. 
I had the surgery, as you are aware - it did not work  BUT it did relieve some pressure and was a bit better for a while- it’s since progressed again ;( - anyhow—- I still could not work - i remembering crying thinking ‘even Walmart won’t hire me..” and we were getting into financial difficulties- as most people do when there is only suddenly one income.  Really bad, worried about losing our home bad.

It was a snowstorm, I was alone and crying- feeling completely helpless, defeated and very sick   I remember it so well -  I don't care WTF anyone thinks about this: 
 I heard it in my head, so warm and reassuring,  God said.. 
Get up! 
Get DRESSED
Go to the bank and MAKE them  listen.

I got up, got dressed, grabbed all my paperwork (now more from the failed surgery)
and walked over to the bank! It was difficult- I met a friend on the way and she gave me hug… 
I walked into the bank, found the manager and said something along these lines:

“That is it!  My husband and I are both very hard working people and we paid mortgage insurance our entire marriage and I fucking contributed  so much to this marriage it would not have  survived!  Here is my paper work- I am applying again!
 Decline me again - fine - the next time you see me it will be with a lawyer and the press & I want a response by the end of the fucking week!”

I put the papers down and left.

Listen, I do swear, and when my head is pounding it comes out even more… it is mostly frustration coming out..  I remember  she looked at me (I was friends with this woman in a way,  I was there the day the bank opened) she said “O.k. Georgia- I’ll send them in”
How dare anyone say a stay at home mom does not earn anything! We are raising the next generation! Hopefully with love- i had to stay at home also to look after Storm properly!  I did contribute over the years -  I made money and I would buy the groceries, help with bills, etc! 
Our entire marriage -  talk about inequality bullshit still! I was angry and with every right-  it was more of less saying I had no value all these years and I DID - I DO.

Norm woke me  a week later at 5 a.m. - “George, Something is wrong! - there is all this money in the bank account! “  
They had not declined this time.  I never heard a thing.. BUT-  they did not pay off the mortgage as one might think - they paid me for a couple of years ‘LOST wages.’ 
THANK you GOD! 
IRONICALLY - If I could go to work for a month- I could re apply and they would pay me again- IT is so fucked up - HOW could I work for a month? Still sick - at least, I could breath easier about the bills.      

It was enough to pay off ALL our credit cards,  bank loan- ( yep I know some you have them)  and pay off a chunk of the mortgage.. so it’s not what you think.  You have to be careful if you have mortgage insurance - you might never get.
& look what I had to go through for it.  They do not care. 

I am proud of myself - everyone told me don't bother, give up…  
We were literally weeks away from having to claim bankruptcy & losing our home.

The lesson I want people to understand is HOW can anyone say a house wife does not contribute to a marriage?   
That is BULLSHIT & something I would have not learned if we did not live through it.
So, if you are purchasing a new house - will you or won't you? I don't know what to advise. 
Norm goes to work every day and does his task.. I stayed home, raise Storm, educate, clean, look after the animals, cooked meals, gardened, created - the list is endless.  I think I have worked harder than my husband many days!  When I use to teach and had 10 kids at a time all day long- it was terrific! If I had the option- trust me, I wished I could work again.
Either way - with the help of God, I am not stressed anymore - we have things under control. I truly believe it was a miracle that day- that “GET UP - Get dressed and Go!” Stop feeling sorry for myself and make things happen.

Very recently, Norm made the same mistake and  pulled a  “No, it’s MY money..”  when we were having a conversation and I mentioned  ‘I wanted to purchase something..’  Our conversation quickly escalated into a heated argument and Norm has since regretted his remark as he f*cking should & I KNOW he is NOT alone.  It is too common. It’s not o.k. 

I know many men who think like this and it is terrible,  instead of celebrating, and treating each other as equals, nourishing each other  and celebrating what each other brings to the table,  a stay at home wife works just as hard if not harder than many moms I know who go and sit in an office all day.  I know there are woman who work very hard outside the home (probably getting paid less than men for the same work) 
BUT WE clearly are being punished for choosing to stay home and look after our families and there is no way way I will let anyone tell me - I am 'not contributing'. 
What Norm lacks - I make up, what I can't do - he can- IT is how it works, BOTH of us these 25 years contributing to a marriage, $  blood, sweat and too many tears.  

It won’t happen again. I am much wiser. 
Ladies & gentlemen - have this conversation with  your spouse EARLY.
Sort it out so you don't fight it out.  
READ the fine print - and IF you are right and YOU know it  - PRAY! 
& GET up! 
Get dressed!
GO!  

With God all things are possible.

I can actually start to enjoy myself a bit with our money, and am planning a vacation, very soon. 


Believe
<>< 
xox

Tomorrow back to painting and fun stuff! Wait and see! 

What would Jim do? 
"What are your alternatives?"  He asked me one day.
​
Draw.

I was hoping,  I'd be able to draw a tribute toon but I can not yet.

Believe
xox
<><

A few things triggered another argument around here & another weekend where little conversation is happening, what else is new.  

I gave away postcards the other day and someone asked me 'if I could send one to someone' in particular and "tagged' the woman, I checked out her page - as I do & the first post I read said:
                        "There are days I wish I did not survive my brain surgery."

Me too. 

It is something when you have days where you feel the only  creature in on the planet that would miss you when your gone are your dogs.  No wonder I love this little dog so much. 

Time to shut myself in my office and paint.
It is what seems to keep everyone the happiest.

Believe 
<><

Where does it all go?  Sit and think for one minute.
All the medication that goes in our system eventually if it does not stick around and fuck - (alter) your body in some way.. it leaves via your pee.  Years ago a friend told me of the cancer medication she peed out of her system, how it turned the water a deep red and frightened her... and she like me, then started to think - well then, where does it go? 
Cancer medications where you can't have your husband in the same room as you, for 48 hours or it's toxic!? 
Sadly, I do know about this stuff first hand, because I have first hand friends that deal with this shit.  Forgive me, but I have had an emotional day mentally after attending my first support group for TN.  It only hit me after I retuned home and thought about it all afternoon.  Then napped in the sunshine with poppy for 2 hours ;) Amen.

You know what I heard a lot of, besides people -who I do think can relate- to my pain. 
That is strangely comforting. Is that strange?  lol 
One woman simply said: "You know when the dentist touches your tooth- and your not frozen, for a split second you want to go through the roof?"
Well that was a great way to describe it! 
I get that so many times a day I give up counting... no wonder I am exhausted. 
I will admit I was feeling.. defeated.  
To look around the room and not one person has Hemi facial Spasm as well.  

All very normal people, all have busy lives who suffer with TN, on top of life.
The topic of medication came up over and over again! Never good really. Except for me! 
I'm the only one in the room with positive side effects.  ;) 

Holy cow! Forget it, I'm not going on anything else! I Am keeping it natural. 
Rashes that leave you in the hospital and sick for weeks, throwing up.. the same stuff I hear and read about daily over and over again!! You know I get it, but 'I' don't want to play around with my liver or BRAIN or anything else if I can help it ever again. 

Storm pointed out to me a while ago we all have to learn to live with a little pain, some physical, some mental, some both. We still all have choices to make every day and many do it!! WITHOUT drugs.  When I hear of someone who is on an antidepressant I think of them as being 'on DRUGS'  and I AM thankful for that change in my mindset!
I AM grateful for that change in my mindset! 


What blew my mind or rather 'who' was this older woman, late 70's if I had to guess (I'm not really good at that though, and I can't remember names at all) she was sweet, her hair, makeup & outfit perfect! And it's an early meeting! She appeared 'to me' to be sleeping much of the meeting- Oh well, I saw it happen in church all the time.  
Well, at the end of the meeting  - who walks up to me and asks me about Cannabis? HER! LOL  Sleeping, she was not!  
How awesome, it puts a smile on my face now thinking of her.  I wished I had cookies! 
One for everyone in the bunch!! 
I know what these people are dealing with!  Yet, they all had smiles, and encouragement for each other, it was nice to see a few husband and wife teams. I think Norman is done. LOL He can join me next time. Not that I did not LOVE my friend Cathy's support. 

If not for Cathy, I would not have gone.  She was my driver. 
We had to be there at 9:30.  She attends mass with her sisters every Sunday.  So it was really nice of her.  It was our first drive on the 404! WOW! What a difference! It felt like we were there & home in the blink of an eye!  

I am glad I went,  it has given me much to think about. 
I will go again.  Nice to know I'm not crazy, alone, frustrated, "sitting crying in a corner"... which is very easy for me to do.  Who will it help? Will it make a difference? 
I refuse. WE have to keep busy! 
Maybe those medications are NOT helping you? 
Cannabis MIGHT! It might make you smile too! 
WE MUST keep busy. Learn a new hobby. Volunteer, DRAW! PAINT! 
KEEP BUSY!   & BE. ;) 
xox <><

I know my blog can be all over the place.. so is my mind. 
I know I'm making mistakes but I can't sit and re read. 
I pray my message is understood. It is all I can do.

More on TN as soon as I can . ;)

Amen.  

<>< 
XOX

I’m exhausted. Feeling drained. Mental meltdown...  

I think about cannabis and my head hurts. LOL - *Only with regards to the absolute insanity that surrounds it all on the GRAND SCALE.  
Don’t sweat the small stuff. 
Plant a seed and go to jail.     LOL   How small can you get?

You cannot help but discover all sorts of things when you start to research Cannabis. 
A very interesting history based on lies. Of course, it involves money and corporations keeping it under control. Now that it has been exposed, what is the problem?
We are witnessing daily how it is helping save the lives of children around the world, 
trust me - I am paying very close attention, as should you.  It is helping ease suffering of millions around the world. Still we are faced with lies and excuses. 

To get material, I find I am faced daily with facts about death from drugs. 
NEVER cannabis!  Prescribed medications, use of them recreationally & PROPERLY, chemical cocktails are killing our elderly- and not gracefully!!!  Illegal pills, METH, Alcohol <we all know that. Tobacco, sugar, junk food.. it is just insane the things that are worse for you than cannabis.  How have we been so ‘duped’ for so long?

I think to myself lately, I want to pull a Bill Watterson so bad you have no idea. ;)
I’m done.. but I can’t.  
I see my son, I see him having a life because of a plant. I see him and I know when he is in pain, I know that for most of the time he can control it with a plant. That and rest, appear to be the simple recipe for Storm. He is tired of pain. 

I know so many that need it as their medicine, need it to help them move ON! 
MOVE PAST and KEEP going. I am one of them. 
It appears I have a movement disorder that just won’t quit. I have constant twitching, electrical zapping in my brain 24/7 with very short breaks in between & trigeminal neuralgia  thrown in about 7 times  day. 

Before I sat to ink this drawing I smoked a joint to calm it down,  it does not calm the movement as much as it calms my mind and allows me to think clearly. Ironically.  Amen.  

I have a meeting regarding some work with someone, and I think ‘I must have a bonk hit right before’. This is not to get high.  This is my life and I thank God for it - for every second that I remain here with my son and husband and dogs and you.

I do get great e mail from strangers all around the world from time to time, just when I feel I need it ;) We all need to be appreciated. Thank you.

But, I have to draw about more,  it is about so much more. 
Cannabis is just a distraction. One big PRANK, by big brother.

The Lies they tell, the money & time wasted on a failing DRUG war that will never be under control, the lives we don’t save.  Trafficking drugs or trafficking people... where the f*ck have our priorities gone and why are we letting this happen?  

SPEAK UP! Educate someone. Share something! Or don’t. 
Move out of my way. My head hurts and I’m losing my patience... until tomorrow.

A new day to get it right!
Draw! Have some fun! Play in the garden... grow.  
Don’t sweat the small stuff!

xox  <><     G

Last Monday I guess I finally had the straw that broke this camels back.
I went for a test, one I had hoped and prayed would help Dr.s see what is finally going on in my head.  It was not a pleasant experience to say the least. I left feeling defeated, degraded and ashamed at myself.   I had questioned the test as I understood I was to have something different, I was told over and over I was wrong.  I can tell you that for the first time in my life I truly felt like a piece of meat.  Once home I called and confirmed I was to have a different test. Then I got a bit of 'Blah blah blah...' - and it did not make anything any better only worse. I  then think I had a bit of a breakdown. I cried off and on for two days.  I needed to get away.

I am blessed with a long time friend who when I asked if  I could use his cottage, he offered me his home instead as no one is in it at the moment.  I house sat.
I was nice to sit  here too as he is a special friend - he has kept me sane these past years with paper alone!!  He has supported my cartooning since day one. I could not have done it without him, well...  perhaps,  we find ways.  His friendship for over 20+ years  has always been a treasure.  He knows it.  LOL
To say I was 'roughing it' would be a lie.  Central vac, hot tub...   amazing privacy & deer!
A Sasquach!?  Fire, snuggling with Poppy.  Darkness and quite like I have not witnessed in a long time, talk about sooth the soul! 
I think I made a  new friend to boot!  We shall see.   Everything happens for a reason ;) .

 I have taken photos, walked, explored a little but mostly, I have slept and drawn for 6 days and feel rested. With only Poppy for a companion we have had some fun! Today she lost a tooth.  I have to admit both, too afraid to venture out after dark - she has been an awesome little pup in every way I can think of - oh well except for her obsession with the door stopper - Boooiiinnnggg, Booooiiinnnggg, Boiiinnngg!! LOL  So happy she just discovered it and not when we arrived. 

As much as I needed to get away, I need to return to my family -who is missing me and visa versa.  

Blog and new TOONS!!!  I am amazed at what I drew while away, I listened to what I thought I should draw about and I was never let down.  It was not always about cannabis. It is always about humans.  HIV, Future of Health Canada, A political statement that I know many of us all feel right now, a special toon with my son,  and some Poppy - because -  I still have a every day life...

Thank God.

I AM ready to continue. 
Next Blog Sunday!