Have Faith
<><
​xox

It's Christmas Day - clearly, I was naughty all year as I did not get what I wanted.
Oh well...  I'm not changing anytime soon Santa, so I guess I won't see you for a while.
I love who I am right now. 

Frankly, I'll be glad when today is over.  
I love Jesus. I give thanks everyday and I ask for forgiveness, every day.. lol 
I celebrate him daily.  

I did get one gift, from Storm and it  made me cry. 
I Thank God for Storm. He said he does not need any gifts:  “I need what’s sitting in that chair breathing” he  remarked to me while I was at my desk drawing last night.  

I do hope  people enjoy a good Christmas..  for those that get right into it (and can afford it) I hope your day is perfect!!  
I hope one day to feel the “christmas Spirit” again,  I certainly do not feel ‘it’ this year. 
I also realize how many people feel the same as I do & do not have anyone in their life to even spend today with- that is who my Christmas Wishes go out to today. 
Feel loved. Love yourself.  Jesus loves you, no gifts required. No attending mass required.  
If you do not believe, that’s fine- enjoy this day of PEACE. 
Instead - 2017.. I’ll focus on that today. 
It’s going to be different.  Big change. 

On a positive Note -I have a bulletin board in my office - I put postcards on it *I love snail mail! As you might be aware. lol  
I put all that people send me during the year- and it becomes full as the year goes on! Postcards Cards from around the world, drawings, stickers, letters people write to thank me. It blows my mind & warms my heart.  lol 
For what? For expressing my love? Trying to help bring an awareness to a injustice - isn’t that why we are here? I wonder sometimes if I make a difference. .. then I glance up- right above my desk and I see your wishes, cards and LOVE.   Thank you.  
I had one letter, putting it all away that brought me to tears, Patrick from Conspiracy Culture wrote me a letter after Jamie died.  That gave me the 'Feeling of Christmas' of love.

I cleared it of 2016 - all goes into an envelope marked 2016’ & now it is ready to welcome 2017! The first thing on it my gift from my son, a drawing of cannabis from Todd I received this week and a reminder to myself : You did not wake up to be mediocre today.


Have a wonderful day. 
I hope Santa was good to you, if not - join the club.  ;)

Have faith
xox
<><

*I already drew '2017 Bud'- & it is super cute!!! lol    If I do say so myself...
OWN IT! I AM.  
​Tomorrow, a bit of love into the universe.  
Back to dreaming.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOX3YQMIkU8 check out this incredible artist! 

Mortgage insurance.. do you have it? 
We did and I want to educate you with our own experience regarding it.
*longish blog- sorry - I tried to shortened it .
​
When I started to get ill and could no longer work- even walk (pre brain surgery) I could no longer teach kids,  paint murals, anything and now along with being very ill  we started to feel the stress of  only a one income home,  I was getting sicker because of it. 
My Dr. asked ‘Do you have  mortgage insurance?’ I came home and asked Norm- YES! 
We actually did! & It was to our understanding - If  one spouse gets sick and can no longer help, the bank would pay off the mortgage!  So we ASSumed.

I filled out the papers, had Dr.s letters, from several including a couple of neurologists all stating I could no longer work-  We read the fine print and dropped the forms off at the bank. They came back DECLINED.
Although we have been married 22 years (at the time of applying) because I did not have a “Normal 9- 5 job that I went to every day-  I was not seen as a  $$$ contributor to the family home. In their opinion.
I was a stay at home mom and therefor I did not work.  wow. I was floored…  & I was still very sick and getting sicker. Everyone said - they knew that would happen, the bank never helps people. Forget about it.

I did - what else could I do.. 
I had the surgery, as you are aware - it did not work  BUT it did relieve some pressure and was a bit better for a while- it’s since progressed again ;( - anyhow—- I still could not work - i remembering crying thinking ‘even Walmart won’t hire me..” and we were getting into financial difficulties- as most people do when there is only suddenly one income.  Really bad, worried about losing our home bad.

It was a snowstorm, I was alone and crying- feeling completely helpless, defeated and very sick   I remember it so well -  I don't care WTF anyone thinks about this: 
 I heard it in my head, so warm and reassuring,  God said.. 
Get up! 
Get DRESSED
Go to the bank and MAKE them  listen.

I got up, got dressed, grabbed all my paperwork (now more from the failed surgery)
and walked over to the bank! It was difficult- I met a friend on the way and she gave me hug… 
I walked into the bank, found the manager and said something along these lines:

“That is it!  My husband and I are both very hard working people and we paid mortgage insurance our entire marriage and I fucking contributed  so much to this marriage it would not have  survived!  Here is my paper work- I am applying again!
 Decline me again - fine - the next time you see me it will be with a lawyer and the press & I want a response by the end of the fucking week!”

I put the papers down and left.

Listen, I do swear, and when my head is pounding it comes out even more… it is mostly frustration coming out..  I remember  she looked at me (I was friends with this woman in a way,  I was there the day the bank opened) she said “O.k. Georgia- I’ll send them in”
How dare anyone say a stay at home mom does not earn anything! We are raising the next generation! Hopefully with love- i had to stay at home also to look after Storm properly!  I did contribute over the years -  I made money and I would buy the groceries, help with bills, etc! 
Our entire marriage -  talk about inequality bullshit still! I was angry and with every right-  it was more of less saying I had no value all these years and I DID - I DO.

Norm woke me  a week later at 5 a.m. - “George, Something is wrong! - there is all this money in the bank account! “  
They had not declined this time.  I never heard a thing.. BUT-  they did not pay off the mortgage as one might think - they paid me for a couple of years ‘LOST wages.’ 
THANK you GOD! 
IRONICALLY - If I could go to work for a month- I could re apply and they would pay me again- IT is so fucked up - HOW could I work for a month? Still sick - at least, I could breath easier about the bills.      

It was enough to pay off ALL our credit cards,  bank loan- ( yep I know some you have them)  and pay off a chunk of the mortgage.. so it’s not what you think.  You have to be careful if you have mortgage insurance - you might never get.
& look what I had to go through for it.  They do not care. 

I am proud of myself - everyone told me don't bother, give up…  
We were literally weeks away from having to claim bankruptcy & losing our home.

The lesson I want people to understand is HOW can anyone say a house wife does not contribute to a marriage?   
That is BULLSHIT & something I would have not learned if we did not live through it.
So, if you are purchasing a new house - will you or won't you? I don't know what to advise. 
Norm goes to work every day and does his task.. I stayed home, raise Storm, educate, clean, look after the animals, cooked meals, gardened, created - the list is endless.  I think I have worked harder than my husband many days!  When I use to teach and had 10 kids at a time all day long- it was terrific! If I had the option- trust me, I wished I could work again.
Either way - with the help of God, I am not stressed anymore - we have things under control. I truly believe it was a miracle that day- that “GET UP - Get dressed and Go!” Stop feeling sorry for myself and make things happen.

Very recently, Norm made the same mistake and  pulled a  “No, it’s MY money..”  when we were having a conversation and I mentioned  ‘I wanted to purchase something..’  Our conversation quickly escalated into a heated argument and Norm has since regretted his remark as he f*cking should & I KNOW he is NOT alone.  It is too common. It’s not o.k. 

I know many men who think like this and it is terrible,  instead of celebrating, and treating each other as equals, nourishing each other  and celebrating what each other brings to the table,  a stay at home wife works just as hard if not harder than many moms I know who go and sit in an office all day.  I know there are woman who work very hard outside the home (probably getting paid less than men for the same work) 
BUT WE clearly are being punished for choosing to stay home and look after our families and there is no way way I will let anyone tell me - I am 'not contributing'. 
What Norm lacks - I make up, what I can't do - he can- IT is how it works, BOTH of us these 25 years contributing to a marriage, $  blood, sweat and too many tears.  

It won’t happen again. I am much wiser. 
Ladies & gentlemen - have this conversation with  your spouse EARLY.
Sort it out so you don't fight it out.  
READ the fine print - and IF you are right and YOU know it  - PRAY! 
& GET up! 
Get dressed!
GO!  

With God all things are possible.

I can actually start to enjoy myself a bit with our money, and am planning a vacation, very soon. 


Believe
<>< 
xox

Tomorrow back to painting and fun stuff! Wait and see! 

What would Jim do? 
"What are your alternatives?"  He asked me one day.
​
Draw.

I was hoping,  I'd be able to draw a tribute toon but I can not yet.

Believe
xox
<><

A few things triggered another argument around here & another weekend where little conversation is happening, what else is new.  

I gave away postcards the other day and someone asked me 'if I could send one to someone' in particular and "tagged' the woman, I checked out her page - as I do & the first post I read said:
                        "There are days I wish I did not survive my brain surgery."

Me too. 

It is something when you have days where you feel the only  creature in on the planet that would miss you when your gone are your dogs.  No wonder I love this little dog so much. 

Time to shut myself in my office and paint.
It is what seems to keep everyone the happiest.

Believe 
<><

Where does it all go?  Sit and think for one minute.
All the medication that goes in our system eventually if it does not stick around and fuck - (alter) your body in some way.. it leaves via your pee.  Years ago a friend told me of the cancer medication she peed out of her system, how it turned the water a deep red and frightened her... and she like me, then started to think - well then, where does it go? 
Cancer medications where you can't have your husband in the same room as you, for 48 hours or it's toxic!? 
Sadly, I do know about this stuff first hand, because I have first hand friends that deal with this shit.  Forgive me, but I have had an emotional day mentally after attending my first support group for TN.  It only hit me after I retuned home and thought about it all afternoon.  Then napped in the sunshine with poppy for 2 hours ;) Amen.

You know what I heard a lot of, besides people -who I do think can relate- to my pain. 
That is strangely comforting. Is that strange?  lol 
One woman simply said: "You know when the dentist touches your tooth- and your not frozen, for a split second you want to go through the roof?"
Well that was a great way to describe it! 
I get that so many times a day I give up counting... no wonder I am exhausted. 
I will admit I was feeling.. defeated.  
To look around the room and not one person has Hemi facial Spasm as well.  

All very normal people, all have busy lives who suffer with TN, on top of life.
The topic of medication came up over and over again! Never good really. Except for me! 
I'm the only one in the room with positive side effects.  ;) 

Holy cow! Forget it, I'm not going on anything else! I Am keeping it natural. 
Rashes that leave you in the hospital and sick for weeks, throwing up.. the same stuff I hear and read about daily over and over again!! You know I get it, but 'I' don't want to play around with my liver or BRAIN or anything else if I can help it ever again. 

Storm pointed out to me a while ago we all have to learn to live with a little pain, some physical, some mental, some both. We still all have choices to make every day and many do it!! WITHOUT drugs.  When I hear of someone who is on an antidepressant I think of them as being 'on DRUGS'  and I AM thankful for that change in my mindset!
I AM grateful for that change in my mindset! 


What blew my mind or rather 'who' was this older woman, late 70's if I had to guess (I'm not really good at that though, and I can't remember names at all) she was sweet, her hair, makeup & outfit perfect! And it's an early meeting! She appeared 'to me' to be sleeping much of the meeting- Oh well, I saw it happen in church all the time.  
Well, at the end of the meeting  - who walks up to me and asks me about Cannabis? HER! LOL  Sleeping, she was not!  
How awesome, it puts a smile on my face now thinking of her.  I wished I had cookies! 
One for everyone in the bunch!! 
I know what these people are dealing with!  Yet, they all had smiles, and encouragement for each other, it was nice to see a few husband and wife teams. I think Norman is done. LOL He can join me next time. Not that I did not LOVE my friend Cathy's support. 

If not for Cathy, I would not have gone.  She was my driver. 
We had to be there at 9:30.  She attends mass with her sisters every Sunday.  So it was really nice of her.  It was our first drive on the 404! WOW! What a difference! It felt like we were there & home in the blink of an eye!  

I am glad I went,  it has given me much to think about. 
I will go again.  Nice to know I'm not crazy, alone, frustrated, "sitting crying in a corner"... which is very easy for me to do.  Who will it help? Will it make a difference? 
I refuse. WE have to keep busy! 
Maybe those medications are NOT helping you? 
Cannabis MIGHT! It might make you smile too! 
WE MUST keep busy. Learn a new hobby. Volunteer, DRAW! PAINT! 
KEEP BUSY!   & BE. ;) 
xox <><

I know my blog can be all over the place.. so is my mind. 
I know I'm making mistakes but I can't sit and re read. 
I pray my message is understood. It is all I can do.

More on TN as soon as I can . ;)

Amen.  

<>< 
XOX

I’m exhausted. Feeling drained. Mental meltdown...  

I think about cannabis and my head hurts. LOL - *Only with regards to the absolute insanity that surrounds it all on the GRAND SCALE.  
Don’t sweat the small stuff. 
Plant a seed and go to jail.     LOL   How small can you get?

You cannot help but discover all sorts of things when you start to research Cannabis. 
A very interesting history based on lies. Of course, it involves money and corporations keeping it under control. Now that it has been exposed, what is the problem?
We are witnessing daily how it is helping save the lives of children around the world, 
trust me - I am paying very close attention, as should you.  It is helping ease suffering of millions around the world. Still we are faced with lies and excuses. 

To get material, I find I am faced daily with facts about death from drugs. 
NEVER cannabis!  Prescribed medications, use of them recreationally & PROPERLY, chemical cocktails are killing our elderly- and not gracefully!!!  Illegal pills, METH, Alcohol <we all know that. Tobacco, sugar, junk food.. it is just insane the things that are worse for you than cannabis.  How have we been so ‘duped’ for so long?

I think to myself lately, I want to pull a Bill Watterson so bad you have no idea. ;)
I’m done.. but I can’t.  
I see my son, I see him having a life because of a plant. I see him and I know when he is in pain, I know that for most of the time he can control it with a plant. That and rest, appear to be the simple recipe for Storm. He is tired of pain. 

I know so many that need it as their medicine, need it to help them move ON! 
MOVE PAST and KEEP going. I am one of them. 
It appears I have a movement disorder that just won’t quit. I have constant twitching, electrical zapping in my brain 24/7 with very short breaks in between & trigeminal neuralgia  thrown in about 7 times  day. 

Before I sat to ink this drawing I smoked a joint to calm it down,  it does not calm the movement as much as it calms my mind and allows me to think clearly. Ironically.  Amen.  

I have a meeting regarding some work with someone, and I think ‘I must have a bonk hit right before’. This is not to get high.  This is my life and I thank God for it - for every second that I remain here with my son and husband and dogs and you.

I do get great e mail from strangers all around the world from time to time, just when I feel I need it ;) We all need to be appreciated. Thank you.

But, I have to draw about more,  it is about so much more. 
Cannabis is just a distraction. One big PRANK, by big brother.

The Lies they tell, the money & time wasted on a failing DRUG war that will never be under control, the lives we don’t save.  Trafficking drugs or trafficking people... where the f*ck have our priorities gone and why are we letting this happen?  

SPEAK UP! Educate someone. Share something! Or don’t. 
Move out of my way. My head hurts and I’m losing my patience... until tomorrow.

A new day to get it right!
Draw! Have some fun! Play in the garden... grow.  
Don’t sweat the small stuff!

xox  <><     G

Last Monday I guess I finally had the straw that broke this camels back.
I went for a test, one I had hoped and prayed would help Dr.s see what is finally going on in my head.  It was not a pleasant experience to say the least. I left feeling defeated, degraded and ashamed at myself.   I had questioned the test as I understood I was to have something different, I was told over and over I was wrong.  I can tell you that for the first time in my life I truly felt like a piece of meat.  Once home I called and confirmed I was to have a different test. Then I got a bit of 'Blah blah blah...' - and it did not make anything any better only worse. I  then think I had a bit of a breakdown. I cried off and on for two days.  I needed to get away.

I am blessed with a long time friend who when I asked if  I could use his cottage, he offered me his home instead as no one is in it at the moment.  I house sat.
I was nice to sit  here too as he is a special friend - he has kept me sane these past years with paper alone!!  He has supported my cartooning since day one. I could not have done it without him, well...  perhaps,  we find ways.  His friendship for over 20+ years  has always been a treasure.  He knows it.  LOL
To say I was 'roughing it' would be a lie.  Central vac, hot tub...   amazing privacy & deer!
A Sasquach!?  Fire, snuggling with Poppy.  Darkness and quite like I have not witnessed in a long time, talk about sooth the soul! 
I think I made a  new friend to boot!  We shall see.   Everything happens for a reason ;) .

 I have taken photos, walked, explored a little but mostly, I have slept and drawn for 6 days and feel rested. With only Poppy for a companion we have had some fun! Today she lost a tooth.  I have to admit both, too afraid to venture out after dark - she has been an awesome little pup in every way I can think of - oh well except for her obsession with the door stopper - Boooiiinnnggg, Booooiiinnnggg, Boiiinnngg!! LOL  So happy she just discovered it and not when we arrived. 

As much as I needed to get away, I need to return to my family -who is missing me and visa versa.  

Blog and new TOONS!!!  I am amazed at what I drew while away, I listened to what I thought I should draw about and I was never let down.  It was not always about cannabis. It is always about humans.  HIV, Future of Health Canada, A political statement that I know many of us all feel right now, a special toon with my son,  and some Poppy - because -  I still have a every day life...

Thank God.

I AM ready to continue. 
Next Blog Sunday!

Simple. Research.
I only had to research the side effects of the most common OXY. 
I do not understand why someone would NOT try Cannabis first.
Yes I do.
Lies and lack of education on the subject.
I believe Cannabis should be someone's first choice as it IS safer than most if not all  options available. 
I know one of the main reasons my body needs Cannabis is nausea. 

A friend had some plants taken from his back yard.  I am hoping it was just some thoughtless kid and NOT someone he knows.  He is upset and stressed. I GET IT. 

How do you think I feel when I worry about he proposed future of medical Cannabis in Canada today?  Not being able to afford medicine that Storm needs. Medicine I need. 
I get it.

Someone stole the plants - to get high. Not thinking much about anything other than themselves and getting a BUZZ. The real buzz is the BUZZ kill  a patient now is dealign with over a plant. Suffering - a few months supply of medicine gone. Thief.

If this PLANT were decriminalized and be as IT SHOULD  - a seed to plant for all human kind - no one would need to go around and STEAL it! 
What other weeds do people do around and steal!? Not my dandelions.  

Prohibition is turning people into criminals over plants. 

Not the Plant and not the person - that is HUMAN NATURE, to want to feel good. 

Please THINK before you consider lifting a plant you might see  that does NOT belong to you.  It could mean a lot more than getting high to someone - I could mean them being able to keep their job, or function with their family.. it could mean life or death. 

A Thief is a Thief. If they steal from one with no guilt, they will steal from another. 
It is sad. I don’t think anyone ever trusts a thief again. Including themselves.

I also feel there is an entire beautiful energy surrounding this plant - bad karma if you ask me.  Not a high I would enjoy.  Not one someone who truly appreciates cannabis would do.
VOTE  & GROW it. 
xox <><

I am starting to have issues with ‘anger/frustration’ when I read about the number of people dying from prescribed medications and still constantly read about or hear of Dr.s that won’t even consider cannabis for patients. WTF? 
Do NO harm.  

What is going on with the pill pushing world and why are we ALLOWING it to happen? Lack of EDUCATION.
I read an article where parents were ‘not as concerned when their child was caught with a prescription drug - over being caught with cannabis',   thinking - ASSuming  it must be safer - it’s prescribed by a Dr.

The saddest thing about all of this is many find out far too late into he game  exactly how bad prescriptions drugs can be, either by dealing with a side effect that is worse that the initial diagnoses or even worse when they are putting a loved one in the ground and then RESEARCH the medication they were on.. 
Why wait > READ the labels. 

• Drug fatalities more than doubled among teens and young adults between 2000 and 2008, and more than tripled among people aged 50 to 69
***Again, these drug-induced fatalities are not being driven by illegal street drugs; the analysis found that the most commonly abused prescription drugs like OxyContin, Vicodin, Xanax and Soma now cause more deaths than heroin and cocaine combined.

It is time. 
TIME to DEMAND  a safer alternative. Dr.s MUST get with the times and prescribe safer alternatives or I think they will have to start to take more responsibility for patients who die or become addicted to serious narcotics.  If they can hand out prescribed medications knowing the implications.. 
The fact are AVAILABLE  yet  many still TRY to say there is not enough research surrounding Cannabis - BULL 

There is MORE than  enough research with prescribed medications to convince me (and millions around the world.of the opposite!)  Please educate your Dr. 

http://www.alternet.org/story/147318/100,000_americans_die_each_year_from_prescription_drugs,_while_pharma_companies_get_rich

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/10/26/prescription-drugs-number-one-cause-preventable-death-in-us.aspx

http://www.naturalnews.com/039958_prescription_drugs_side_effects_dangers.html
^^^ read!  6 dangerous prescription drugs YOU should  think twice before taking! 

Google Death caused by prescription drugs. Prove me wrong ;-) 
xox <>< 

I've been a little 'quiet'.  Not from lack of anything to say - LOL
I am learning how to live a new life... accepting that this is how it is and what am I going to do about it. 
I had a visit with a Dr. and he said you must feel like the medical profession has let Storm and you down...  

Storm was diagnosed:  Progressiove to terminal with no treatment or cure.  Thank God for his cannabis which keeps him active, functioning and enjoying life to the fullest while living with chronic pain. 
Now, the only suggestion I get is for medications. Which I am not o.k. with.  Particularly seizure medication.  Have you read the side effects? They are not confirming it IS seizures - so NO.  That being said, Botox is worn off I believe and I am living a different life.
One that I don't have so much control over. Somedays I am up at 4,  waken up by my twitch so powerful I swear I feel my head rocking on the pillow - those days I pretty much write off. I do what ever I can when I can.  
I am THRILLED and thank God and the surgeon every day - I don't seem to be having the doozies - well a couple, BUT not nearly as often or as powerful. The problem is the twitch (which again  has been explained it is not a twitch pulling, but electrical impulses going off)  it pretty much  NON stop all day all the time with breaks in between of only minutes. It is exhausting. By 5 p.m. I hardly want to do anything.  My head pounding from constant movement as the night wears on I look forward to going to bed. Daily naps at about 2 are also NEEDED - I'm not fond of napping. I am looking forward to the puppy! It plays for about 20 mins. and then needs to sleep.  I have the dogs trained when I nap - so do they. 
Or else I'd get no rest. I think they look forward to it now as much as I do. LOL 

He (dr.) also  asked are you depressed? 
I thought about it for a second  (I have been depressed before) and replied 
"no, not depressed... completely fucking overwhelmed at times, yes."
He understood that. 

So with deciding no surgery- no medicine they don't really know what else to do. 
I'm o.k. with that. I need a break from all of it.  That being said I never really do get a break. I am constantly reminded with each interruption, some painful and always annoying, that  this is how it is. Like it or not. 
The twitch triggered by talking.  I swear on a bad day it is triggered by breathing. 
So I noticed as have my family I am getting quiet.  I find it ironic that my phone has not been working and decided not to care too much. Less triggers.   If anyone  really wants to get a hold of me they know to e mail. I am doing much thinking, of course, especially with the approaching changes  and much drawing but I am TAKING it easy. 

It amazes me how few peole even know what the DSM is. I know of several schools that have a copy. Just the way your friendly pharmacy company likes it.  More and more children are becoming  pill poppers. LEGAL pills.  
Read this article in Macleans magazine:
                                                         http://www2.macleans.ca/tag/dsm/
Is your child mental or normal? 3 out bursts a week, and they could be diagnosed mental!  Some schools even have a copy of the DSM... WTF!? 

It is one thing to diagnose an adult with a mental illness but a child? Give them a chance to be a kid, that included outbursts and bratty behavior from time to time.  Embrace it, it is a chance to teach a lesson to both parent and child.

If I thought the DSM was helping more than hurting I would probably just go about my business, but it is HURTING. 
More and more children are diagnosed every year - that does not mean they get help. In many cases they get a prescription and nothing more. Well, besides the stigma of being labeled mental. As if kids don’t have it hard enough.

 Then to put them on a medication - for depression? Possibly a psychotropic drug that will cause more long term damage than not.  Because a BOOK suggests it! 

Yep. They sit around a table and make suggestions.  No scientific facts. No X-rays, No blood tests, No test to prove a chemical imbalance - Even Dr.s & Psychiatrists are starting to question the DSM. 

“The result is that people with normal variations in emotion, behavior, and thought can receive a psychiatric diagnosis, leading to stigma and inappropriate treatment.

Because we have to live with a diagnostic system that is provisional—and that will almost certainly prove invalid in the long run—much of the research on mental disorders has to be taken with a grain of salt. “  
Read more:       http://www.neuropsychotherapist.com/dsm-5-handle-with-care/

I guess so, especially when they must  explain to the parent of a child on medication that does them more harm in long run. In some cases the child commits suicide on the drugs they are prescribed to help them. FACT - Google side effects of PROZAC  
I took that crap for too long...      twitch, twitch...

Think about also how your child might feel about YOUR decision to medicate them, when they are 30, they might have an opinion on what you decided regarding their mental state. If they live that long.  Do you think I am being dramatic? 
Research. Look at the rise in numbers with children being medicated and prescribed with such things like Bipolar at the age of 2!  
Perhaps not your children but your grand children? ANY child! We need to speak up for the ones that can’t.

 Calling yourself crazy and having someone diagnose you as crazy are two very serious and different things. It could affect the child forever. 
I have several cartoon ideas and I plan on drawing them all. 

WE ARE NOT CRAZY!   
WE DONT NEED the DRUGS! 
We just need MORE TLC.

xox   <><

Ignorance is bliss... ? How about when it is killing our kids? Still feeling blissful?

How about when you get a F*&^% twitch that drives crazy? Did you know it was a common side effect of one of earliest “mood” drugs approved by the  “who’s, who’s”
and pushed to the millions as ‘mama’s little helper’.  And tongue* darting...  lovely.
Twitches that never go away.   They made a pill to try,  but that just paralyzed motor skills.

This is a difficult blog. 
Deep Breath, and in my mind I think help me speak.
I have not been drawing as much this past week or so, several reasons...

I had a bit of a set back. Dr.s still do not know what is causing my problem. I had a couple of days that were so bad I must say; I was considering- considering surgery - again LOL
Not fun ;-(  I am also thinking of my botox Dr.   
I also had a run in with arthritis and Daisy. I have Psoriatic arthritis - it moves. For what ever reason sometimes it moves to my hands. I can just about tolerate the pain anywhere else-  when it moves to the hands it also becomes a mental stress and can be somewhat depressing to a artist to have hands so sore you don't want to draw. The weather is not helping. Arthritis is not fun. Some days it literally hurts to pull up my own undies. I have a friend with sever arthritis and has had it  for years. I never knew how bad it was for her of course, until I started to deal with it.  I do remember she was in so much pain one time when  her little guy was a baby - I had to go over - she could not even do up his diaper because of the pain.
 It has been a difficult week, I was close to calling my friend Marco  and informing him I would  not be at this years EXPO.  

I had a long conversation with my guys - they get it - they see how I am and understand I am self conscious. Storm reminded me that - "people will think what they want, but when you speak mom they will hear you, and they get past your appearance."  ❤

 I had someone say to me - you have to get over it, then the other day she was saying in conversation "I would not go out if my hair was a mess... I would feel so self conscious" - HA! And I'm to GET over it!? - It will take time.  That's just messy hair! 
Either way,  I was reminded that this is a opportunity for me to help educate and we have some fun. We booked the hotel.  If people have trouble talking to me that is their problem not mine. Perhaps I am a lesson.  We are all a lesson for someone. 

For the past 2 days,  I have been using 'Bubble hash' Storm got for me and my twitch last night was one of the best days it has been since surgery!  I hope I figure out he camera thing - It will amaze some people! I will be in full twitch - have a puff and it stops, less than a minute later. 
I am amazed! LOL - You have no idea. A twitch that goes on constantly - is exhausting alone  but physically after a long day - it just WEARS me down.  Last night -when it is usually at its worst in the P.M. - I could not believe how good it was!! I will be using nothing but for a couple of days. It would be so awesome if I could control it sometimes! 

Norm could not believe I was not stoned. LOL And Storm happy to help his mom ❤.

If not for Cannabis, I do not know where I would be-  yes, I do!  
In bed miserable and feeling sorry for myself and in pain. 
Instead today - is a new day and I am ready for it. 
I am going to my painting room and paint some creations for this years EXPO. 
Relax and enjoy this day,  I know it is a blessing that it was given to me.
I hope to get back to drawing  as of today. Thank you for your patience.. xox

I have a friend who says his all the time.. Let Go and Let God. Surrender.  Have faith.  I struggle every day with this. 
It is so hard to just let go. I try to  control this ^%$# twitch - still - 3 years later and I say to myself - I can make it stop.  It's no different from yesterday - it just seems like on some days it becomes too much. Little things that I deal with all the time suddenly seem HUGE and I want to scream out of frustration. I feel myself build up anger, resentment - I start to feel emotionally and physically exhausted and overwhelmed. 
Time to LET GO! 
Time to stop fighting it, take a mental break - step aside, read a book, distract yourself, meditate.  Time to hand it over. 
As if we have any control over any of this anyway.
xox <>< 

Cannabis is recognized as a medicine. Our Government and many US states (as well as other countries) all know Cannabis helps many life threatening illness and diseases. Chronic pain, cancer patients - and more. BUT some people are trying to get cannabis prescribed for headaches, depression and more and are being refused with Dr.s telling them it is NON-life threatening. In who's opinion?
I know from our own personal experience this past year with me not working as much, our financial situation 'tighter' than usual - and with that comes added stress. Stress because I am too sick to work, adding on top of everything else.  

My friend has been prescribed Migraine medication that is expensive and addictive! 
Fiorinal side effects: an allergic reaction (difficulty breathing; closing of your throat; swelling of your lips, tongue, or face; or hives) slow, weak breathing, severe weakness or dizziness, black, bloody, or tarry stools or blood in your urine or vomit. Other, *less serious side effects may be more likely to occur: dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, or decreased appetite, dizziness, tiredness, or lightheadedness, ringing in your ears. 
Butalbital may be habit forming.* << She agrees.
She like me, says all she wants to do on these pills is SLEEP. She cannot function at work on them so she goes all day in pain - by the times she gets home and take the pill -it usually does not even help her very much. She said once home she has one puff- ONE PUFF- This I will tell you is NO lie- All I need is one puff and my twitch calms right down and I feel better.   You don't need to sit and smoke an entire doobie - well people with pain like Storm - they do. 
In my case I dont' and neither does my friend. 
The one puff does not get her 'high' - it keeps her going- even puts a smile on her face while doing it! She eats ALL natural is a vegetarian and cares about what she put in her body - no alcohol and as few chemicals as possible, she does not even use skin creams unless they are all natural ingredients. 
So why is she being FORCED to take something - where there is a safer, natural alternative?
As for Cannabis and depression... I KNOW it works.  
As for life threatening -  tell that to someone in pain, worried about paying the bills and still trying being a positive, productive member of society.
SHE LOVES being a teacher. Was born to do it she believes.. 
It is o.k. for her to take her prescribed medications at work - that keep her at her desk - not capable of much more that what is required.  So why not Cannabis?  xox <>< 

I saw this cute stick figure drawing on line and was inspired to re-draw. I like the message.
My mind is full these days. Looking forward to meeting with the surgeon (although -no lies- a little nervous), and of course there is always other stuff.  LIFE. Up and DOWN
Last week Storms hearing aid broke - but when he told me, for once it did not stress us out as he had purchased  an extra years warranty at his last visit for  almost $400.oo!  So we thought- I was called this week (so much for client patient privledge also- Storm being the client who paid for everything himself - yet I was called) was informed - "oh, that was just for one hearing aid" ... clearly WE miss understood.
And when I called to question I was verbally yelled at, was told  (meaning Storm) "perhaps he should learn to read".  Adding insult to injury.  
Storm finally called him as he still had not bothered to call Storm - only to be just as offended by this "professional".  He also denied (lied) to Storm and said he did not yell at me or say anything. I was literally shaking after our phone conversation - which was in fact BULLYING on an adult level.  
I had to let it go I don't need the stress. BUT I can't not let it go . This man is in my community and most of his clients are older disabled clients.  IS this how he will treat them - when something is not explained clearly? Will he yell at them when they ask for an explanation?  I have many elderly friends in this community - many who I met through church and care for very much- the thought of one of them experiencing this - is concerning.   If one other person is spared this treatment - GOOD!  YES, I realize it is his word against mine. We have no reason to lie. It is the last thing we need to worry about. 
I was so upset I was going to post it on FB - but I have too many people - disabled that would be disgusted. 
That's it - we wrote it off. 
At least the seed has been planted - people made aware- they might not believe me - I don't care, HE will NOW have to PROVE otherwise - and EXPLAIN properly to patients,  provide CLEAR, professional paperwork and  God wiling - be a better person. 
Unfortunately Storm is out almost $400. and still has no hearing in the one ear. ;-(

Today I have spent time with the dogs, Daisy especially with a ball being forced into my ribs as I TRY to draw-  is teaching me to be mindful. The toon is with Tequila - as she is getting old she just likes to sit beside me and look. I look at her and I see Peace. I pat her and I feel peace.  I wish everyone could have a dog. 
I also better understand the phrase the more I know people (like this hearing aid guy) the more I like my dogs.

Now back to work on Snoop lion.
xox <>< 

I get irritated when I realize all the difficulties  around Cannabis as a medicine for children,  but I get infuriated when consenting adults are denied Cannabis for P.T.S.D. 
I have read  about soldiers and using Cannabis  to ease their mental anguish as well as physical pain (the above photo is of soldiers that all lost limbs due to the Iraq war. Only 3 of thousands.  We remember those that die but what about all those that come home and have been  - impacted by the war? 
What about what you can not see. The suffering, destruction, anger and death that they witness daily over there and then they are expected to come home and la-de-da...  move on.  For anyone that sits on the sofa watching this only from a television and dares to judge - SHAME on them. Dares to say what they may or may not use to help quiet the mind and heart.

I hear this time and time again at the EXPO. Not me personally - but others telling me that they deal with this all the time. WHAT does sick look like? Can you see Cancer? Can you tell when someone is dying from a terminal illness? In many cases NO- So stop making Assumptions people!  Thank God,  everyone who is sick does NOT look sick - that is an entirely new issue to deal with -TRUST ME on that - I know!   My son does not look sick.  He does wear hearing aids and glasses but other than that he looks good! Several times he has had strangers  comment - WHAT the heck !? Is there not more serious issues to deal with? Why must someone LOOK sick to justify the use of Cannabis as a medicine?! 
If no one ever smoked it and only used "medibles" -medicated - baked goods, these comments would probably stop.  Smoking is the fasted way to medicate and I don't know about you but when in pain - I want it treated as quickly as possible. WHO does not?  It was one of the biggest problems for my son when he was little - by the time he asked for medicine - (codine for example)  the pain was so great that it took even longer to work - at the same time - if you know the side effects who wants to give a child codine ALL the time. 
 I am So happy my handsome son does NOT look sick.
I on the other hand have been dealing with a very 'visual' problem and get the opposite! Especially from those close to me - I have lost a lot of weight and have a very painful 'Twitch", Luckily my Dr., is able to somewhat control the twitch (contractions) with Botox for the time being - but as you can see in the Video below - it is obvious I am dealing with something. I've had people look at me and comment on my appearance for the past 3 years! 
"Did you have a stroke?"  "OMG are you O.k.?"  "You look terrible!"  "You better not lose anymore weight!"  AND I MUST say - That ON TOP of dealing with  actually NOT feeling great is even harder. It is depressing! I can't smile like I use to - I look like a mad woman sometimes - I use to be a bit of a hottie. Yet I don't feel that anymore when I look in the mirror.  ;-(
So MIND your business!!!
What does it matter to you? 
People if you use Cannabis to medicate, lucky if you have a Dr. that cares and has prescribed Cannabis -- - don't justify yourself - forgive the ignorance and look past the reefer madness! If you don't look sick than thank God -*Buddha,  Jehovah, Yoda- whoever you need to thank - thank them! 
Thank your lucky stars you look fine!  It is ONE less issue to deal with.
Video taken at the Treating Yourself EXPO - I was nervous. But I MUST look past my appearance - I am on a more important mission. If you can't get past my appearance that is your problem.  Thank you to Remo - the Urban grower for this - helping me spread the word! xox  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GgzJ3Kj1pI&feature=g-u-u

How many people know what the D.S.M is ? It is a book.  A book that describes mental disorders - so that - when you go to to a Dr., they can look in this book and see your symptoms and diagnose you with a MENTAL disorder and prescribe you drugs!  
There are NO facts for these diagnoses. They can not be proven.
The NEXT copy if the D.S.M is out this year 2012. It is anticipated that some of the possible new disorders added will be - internet addiction, shopping addiction, -road rage, apathy- to name a few. You could be labled with a mental disorder according to this fictious book. FACT.        So?! You ask...
WELL once you are diagnosed using 'made up' conditions in a book - other people use it also - like Insurance companies, judicial systems use it in sentencing, custody battles - all based on LIES.  MADE up conditions to sell DRUGS. Drugs that are addictive, cause serious harm and many times KILL. PLEASE educate yourself and your kids today .
Oh - In an earlier edition of the D.S.M  Homosexuality was in fact listed as a mental illness, until there was a protest- then it suddenly was no longer a mental disorder ? More like a pathetic attempt to ruin more lives. Thank God people spoke up! 
We need to do that with more. 
I suggest you watch - The marketing Of madness.
 http://www.cchr.org/videos/marketing-of-madness.html
If you do not - who will you blame when you have ben diagnosed with a mental disorder and have your rights taken from you? Education is POWER. 
xox <><

I have had another person contact me telling me how Cannabis has saved her life - I get a few quite often I have decided to share  because it is different and  one thing I have learned with all we have experienced this journey YOU CAN not always see pain! Think about your back hurting - can anyone see that - no - not unless you are hunched over.  Here is Caroles story:I am 48, married 26 years to my best friend. We have 3 grown children, and 7 grandkids! 2 Dogs Snoops or wiener dog, Jeepers are Chiweenie, 2 cats Trapper John M.D. (Mouse Detective) and Itsie Bitsie!
We love the outdoors, gardening, hiking, camping, and finally I can enjoy again!
In 1998 I tore my articular cartilage; I had surgery to repair it. After surgery things still were not right, I started having problems. After a year of ongoing pain and problems I was sent to a specialist in Seattle. I told him about my leg feeling like it was burning constantly, that when anything touched my knee it would cause an increase in pain, clothing, sheets, air condition a breeze anything that touched my knee created more pain. I soon learned that other things triggered the pain, like a change in weather, stress, too much activity, too little activity, taking a shower created pain. 
I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS), also known as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. Because chronic pain is an invisible condition, it’s difficult for others to accept that something is wrong; after all you don’t look sick…
I was on three different anti-depressants, one anti-anxiety medication, for the pain I took, 4 60mg. of Ms-Contin, 4 2mg. of Dilaudid, and 4 10mg. Vicodins, a day. I also have two spinal Cord Simulators (SCS) implanted, they have wires that are connected to certain nerves in my spine and sends out a electrical signal to help block the pain signal being sent to the brain, that also helps but still have pain. 
After years of being an advocate for chronic pain, I learned more about other treatments for chronic pain. One treatment that I was hearing about was Cannabis. At first I was like "o hell no, just a legal way to get high…."  but so many people were using and it was helping! So I researched it. I then tried it I was shocked at how well it really did help. It does not take away all of the pain, but neither did the pain pills, neither do the SCS units! So I got my Washington State medical Cannabis License two years ago. During this time, I have gone off all anti-depressants and the anti-anxiety pills. And I now take one pain pill a day! I also lost 58 pounds! As I said it did not take away all of the pain, it helps me deal with “pain flares” and sleepless nights. The best part is I feel better! I use tincture, smoke, vap, and some mediables.
This is what I hear all the time. The thing is I don't need to hear it because we have the best proof...  Living proof.   xox <><