Last night I went to bed in tears. Feeling completely frustrated and overwhelmed.

I had another visit with the neurologist and after the usually questions and concerns, I asked him if he actually had a diagnoses, after talking about Hemi facial spasm and Trigeminal neuralgia, the 5th and 7th nerve...  No.  
 They cannot understand why I am having what I am and the pain associated with it.

 I feel when I tell them how bad it is - it is not that they don’t believe - CLEARLY there is something going on, but I think they don’t ‘get the severity’ of it? I wonder is it because I am not in the office sobbing?  Or that I don’t lie around all day feeling sorry for myself? 
I can tell you, I DO feel like doing that. 
 I fought off tears several times in his office yesterday.  IT is much harder to try to remain positive and busy and hopeful.   

After the last surgery,  I do feel better BUT whatever is going on is still going on and every day It MAKES me very aware that It can all be gone in an instant. I struggle with this reminder - as much as I AM REALLY grateful the new found appreciation and determination.. everyday thinking my brain is going to explode is exhausting.  
These constant electrical zaps  leave me feeling  ‘fizzled” 
My attack last week left me exhausted for 2 days.  
I still have them constantly.. with a “doozie’ every now and then making an appearance.
Usually one a day. ;(

In his opinion, it is not getting better (mine too - it’s going on 4 YEARS slowly escalating)
He feels more surgery is the only opinion. The first not a complete success (it was in the fact that I’m still here! :)  NOT knowing exactly what they are going in for...  has me not to keen on the whole idea again - recovery itself seems daunting. Been there done that and in NO hurry to do it again.
I am frightened.

I need to take a break and think. 
I wondered about sharing this... it’s time. My hand forced by someone on FB.  This is my life at the moment and for what ever reason this is where I am meant to be. Happy or not. 

I had a lesson last week on FB when someone was PISSED at me. Angry because I have not been responding to his messages or posts.  First let me tell you having over 500o people on FB has it down falls, like messages every time you log on, I am constantly added to groups, events and my messages are never fewer than 50 every time I log on. Hard to keep up with for anyone, never mind someone who is also trying to work, be a mom, cartoonist, wife and suffers from some crazy brain thing.
I then was angry with him and asked him if he was aware I had brain surgery and have still been dealing with serious issues. No he was not. 
No he does not bother to read my post, blogs etc only pissed that I did not share his website and his goings on.  Yes, he apologized.                        

So here it is. I am not well. I have not been well for a while. I have been sicker than I have let on to most but a few are very aware of what has been going on. On top of all this I deal with other stuff, like the constant concern and battle over my sons medicine. Cannabis.
Stress added to the mixture - not good BUT unavoidable.
 A growing concern with changes expected in the near future, no thanks to Health Canada. 

I have hoped people would focus on my work and not my health and it appears to have worked out ;-)  I can’t get mad for the lack of others understanding, awareness or even compassion at times. It says more about them than it will ever say about me. Simple.

I will end by saying that when I woke up today the first thing I did was thank God for opening my eyes and for the fact that I got out of bed.
I will NOT spend the day in bed crying, I will draw, spend the day with the girls (Storm is camping) I will celebrate every meal I am blessed with and every conversation I have. I will continue to hope I get better.  I will have faith that everything does happen for a reason. All of this BTW has made me a better person. 
 I will also continue to use my cannabis as it numbs the pain and gives me a break if only for minutes at a time. I am grateful for it. It keeps me positive! 

So why share? In hope that if ONLY one person stops and thinks before they make assumptions, judge or even aggravate -  do you really know what each other is dealing with? How about we first ask ourselves that before we jump on some ones back as to why we are NOT the focus of THEIR attention. 

Compassion and LOVE.
I am stronger today than I was last night. 

I know why I am drawing and now I know why a few years ago we called my strip:
Cultivating Compassion.
GROW LOVE.     

xox <><

Music for your blog reading enjoyment:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dzs1K3caXJk
Wow, this cartoon smacked me right in the head ;-) Awesome.
It started with a joke from my best bud Cathy.♥ 
I was stressed wondering what to draw for 4/20?! 
The universal day of 
Celebration for Cannabis!!! 
A Plant.
Grown from a seed.
Made by *GOD.
(*original patent holder)


Medical, Recreational, Hemp, Food, Fuel.. 
It's the day and I want to say THANK YOU!  
                                       I have said it so many times, I thank God daily for this Plant! 
Give us this Day our daily Bud...  <3 Wow. YES,   I read recently  how powerful that prayer is;  Give us this dayour daily bread,  -not thanks for yesterday, or make sure I have it tomorrow. Give us THIS day.  Focus on today.
.. and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us,
 and that                 ^ ^        ^  That simply put means  ^    ^  ^             :
                                               PEACE, PEOPLE!  
Religion aside... who can argue with those lines?  How else are we going to get ahead, clearly WAR is not the answer! 
Thank you Marvin, now in my head for the rest of the day.
People all around the world who suffer over a plant. A plant less toxic than many others,  proven helpful to ease pain, yet illegal and lives destroyed because of it.    
WTF?   O.M.God.  How disappointing.  
A PLANT.  While others  rape, kill, abuse, terrorize, suffer & starve needlessly... 
enough with the bullshit distraction. 
FOCUS on the REAL problems at hand. 

Rise Up people! Speak up! <3   Celebrate this Plant! Let it be a symbol of change.
It all starts with a SEED!!!  Life.

So.. Yes!
     Give us this Day our daily bud, 
       and thank you Lord  for it!
I do! Everyday! Keeping the Love of my life happy - How could I not give thanks?
Celebrate 4/20, Spread Peace and Love !!! 
- there are already enough assholes doing the opposite;-)


xox <><

This is a difficult blog. 
Deep Breath, and in my mind I think help me speak.
I have not been drawing as much this past week or so, several reasons...

I had a bit of a set back. Dr.s still do not know what is causing my problem. I had a couple of days that were so bad I must say; I was considering- considering surgery - again LOL
Not fun ;-(  I am also thinking of my botox Dr.   
I also had a run in with arthritis and Daisy. I have Psoriatic arthritis - it moves. For what ever reason sometimes it moves to my hands. I can just about tolerate the pain anywhere else-  when it moves to the hands it also becomes a mental stress and can be somewhat depressing to a artist to have hands so sore you don't want to draw. The weather is not helping. Arthritis is not fun. Some days it literally hurts to pull up my own undies. I have a friend with sever arthritis and has had it  for years. I never knew how bad it was for her of course, until I started to deal with it.  I do remember she was in so much pain one time when  her little guy was a baby - I had to go over - she could not even do up his diaper because of the pain.
 It has been a difficult week, I was close to calling my friend Marco  and informing him I would  not be at this years EXPO.  

I had a long conversation with my guys - they get it - they see how I am and understand I am self conscious. Storm reminded me that - "people will think what they want, but when you speak mom they will hear you, and they get past your appearance."  ❤

 I had someone say to me - you have to get over it, then the other day she was saying in conversation "I would not go out if my hair was a mess... I would feel so self conscious" - HA! And I'm to GET over it!? - It will take time.  That's just messy hair! 
Either way,  I was reminded that this is a opportunity for me to help educate and we have some fun. We booked the hotel.  If people have trouble talking to me that is their problem not mine. Perhaps I am a lesson.  We are all a lesson for someone. 

For the past 2 days,  I have been using 'Bubble hash' Storm got for me and my twitch last night was one of the best days it has been since surgery!  I hope I figure out he camera thing - It will amaze some people! I will be in full twitch - have a puff and it stops, less than a minute later. 
I am amazed! LOL - You have no idea. A twitch that goes on constantly - is exhausting alone  but physically after a long day - it just WEARS me down.  Last night -when it is usually at its worst in the P.M. - I could not believe how good it was!! I will be using nothing but for a couple of days. It would be so awesome if I could control it sometimes! 

Norm could not believe I was not stoned. LOL And Storm happy to help his mom ❤.

If not for Cannabis, I do not know where I would be-  yes, I do!  
In bed miserable and feeling sorry for myself and in pain. 
Instead today - is a new day and I am ready for it. 
I am going to my painting room and paint some creations for this years EXPO. 
Relax and enjoy this day,  I know it is a blessing that it was given to me.
I hope to get back to drawing  as of today. Thank you for your patience.. xox

WOO! Baby it’s cold out! -21  I am not one for winter so I go from the door to the car- that’s it. Lucky for me I have a handsome Chauffeur waiting with the truck warm and seats heated! -My boys spoils me ;-)  I went to visit a friend yesterday, it was wonderful and needed, I found myself laughing - sometimes out of frustration - but laughing all the same, and I had a nice break in my twitch - I’d say a good 20 minutes! She noticed it right way - you can see peace slip back over my face when the twitch tames ;-) 

You could not see with the botox.  It is huge  if you frown at someone - what - chances are they frown back. I need my smile. I know a few that cannot SMILE  due to illness, disease or accident. I won’t take mine for granted ever again. Powerful tool.

I left feeling my brain better organized and it needed it. I came home inspired to re-organize my office!  It’s time. I want to spend more time drawing and less time 
function- comp, business,  know what I mean?

I’m one of those women men fear! 
Oh honeyyyyyyy..... can you give me a hand. LOL!  Next thing you know the bedroom is completely re-arranged and hand you asked for turned into a 4 hour - wait- just one more thing... hee hee hee 

So I <3 Charles Schultz- reading his book - he was a nice human! AS a cartoonist - I am astonished and humbled when I think of the drawing he did for the number of years he did them!!! So I saw this cool photo of his office online and I’m going to re-arrange the furniture so the ‘feng-thing’- is the same ;-) - If that only means something in my mind- so be it. 

 I just think if anyone knew how to make this function - he did. Although I doubt very much he used a computer at all- except for the last few years.

Anyhow I’m also digging out the CHALK BOARD! Nothing sparks creativity like a chalk board every kids room should have one - mandatory! Just the thought puts a smile on my face! - I might have to wait a day - my helper is down with the flu ;-) 

Speaking of office -  I was asked to take a photo at my desk for an article that someone wrote on me (very flattered) so I asked Storm. I am not great about photos, could care less if I am in them or not - I did take photos of just my desk - where the magic happens! LOL - O.k. Not magic - but it is where I am at my best. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually;-)  I try to surround myself with good thoughts and images.   Storm took one photo that I really liked! Enough to change my FB profile! -I have not changed it in over  a year I believe - perhaps 2. But this one - is me ;-) Says it all. I love it. We were just talking and laughing and he was taking photos - I was working on a image for a friend in the UK. I love it ;-) So new profile and I think I’ll stick with it another 2 years :-) 

 Have a creative day! Move furniture! Give yourself a new outlook! xox <>< 

The best gifts we already own.
Health.
Imagination.
Faith.
Strength.
Creativity. 
Talent...    the list is endless.  
We just have to remember to use them from time to time. 
Re Gift!  The ultimate re-gift when you share your talent with others.
Merry Christmas. xox <>< 

I decided to see if  sex sells... I made this card and will post and see how many shares it gets, see if it is more of a hit than last years leaf in a wreath.
 Tis the season. 
It does depend on where you live. 
It does depend which state you are in.
State of mind.
:)

It's out! In stores now! 

Tequila Chilli'n on the sofa. She really does sit like this - just hoping someone will reach up and scratch that tummy. Daisy has her favorite spot in the back yard where she lies and throws her raccoon up into the air and Scruffy does the full body stretch, tail wiggle - 'you know you want to pat me strut!'  
Then of course there is Darkie - our kitty who is clearly the ZEN Master of the house. 
 All cats are - or can be. 
Animals remind us to live in the moment. They don't care how funny they look! If you laugh at them - they wag their tail! They don't take it personal they MAKE it personal!  I LOVE my girls they keep me in the moment and I thank God for them.  They also inspire a few toons.....   If you have a pet - give them a good scratch, cuddle and pat today! Let them know you deserve all the love they give you. ;-)  xox<>< 

Snoop Dog <NOW> Snoop Lion!  How cool! As we grow we change. My own cartoon strip changes all the time and I have decided always will. LIFE changes. I remember reading about Lynn Johnston (cartoonist, personal hero'ess' of mine, woman,  AMAZING GIFTED CARTOONIST and a Canadian)  let the dog Farley die in the strip  much to many disappointed fans. But as a cartoonist  -you draw what you love  I love my family, pets, friends, Cannabis, God, good, Buddha..  When my dog Hunny died I had a hard time drawing her after - still do and then just thought o.k. time to move on - move over, Move UP!  Be better. Why should artists be any different we have to do what we feel makes us better.  Every day we should all work at being better. Making this a better place.
Snoop has some people not so happy about his decision but any true fan knows Snoop is still Snoop!  I must say myself I know him lately more for him being the man he is than the artist.  I like how he was in the kitchen with Martha - Hee Hee Hee, I  bet they had fun. 
Snoop speaks his mind/stands up for his friends Willie & Cannabis and now is going to where he believes he needs to be. Snoop Lion!  I read  he feels he is Bob Marley re incarnated. There can never be another Bob BUT the thought of the TWO combined - Excites my ears!     
Today if you can hear. Be thankful!
xox <><

I AM motivated, and becoming more fearless & FREE with every day that passes.. tears are over - I will be blogging about what has happened  because IT IS WRONG.  Ignorance is a BULLY and I refuse to be bullied. 

Today I am drawing! 
 Thanks for the e mails of support xox