We did and I want to educate you with our own experience regarding it.
*longish blog- sorry - I tried to shortened it .
When I started to get ill and could no longer work- even walk (pre brain surgery) I could no longer teach kids, paint murals, anything and now along with being very ill we started to feel the stress of only a one income home, I was getting sicker because of it.
My Dr. asked ‘Do you have mortgage insurance?’ I came home and asked Norm- YES!
We actually did! & It was to our understanding - If one spouse gets sick and can no longer help, the bank would pay off the mortgage! So we ASSumed.
I filled out the papers, had Dr.s letters, from several including a couple of neurologists all stating I could no longer work- We read the fine print and dropped the forms off at the bank. They came back DECLINED.
Although we have been married 22 years (at the time of applying) because I did not have a “Normal 9- 5 job that I went to every day- I was not seen as a $$$ contributor to the family home. In their opinion.
I was a stay at home mom and therefor I did not work. wow. I was floored… & I was still very sick and getting sicker. Everyone said - they knew that would happen, the bank never helps people. Forget about it.
I did - what else could I do..
I had the surgery, as you are aware - it did not work BUT it did relieve some pressure and was a bit better for a while- it’s since progressed again ;( - anyhow—- I still could not work - i remembering crying thinking ‘even Walmart won’t hire me..” and we were getting into financial difficulties- as most people do when there is only suddenly one income. Really bad, worried about losing our home bad.
It was a snowstorm, I was alone and crying- feeling completely helpless, defeated and very sick I remember it so well - I don't care WTF anyone thinks about this:
I heard it in my head, so warm and reassuring, God said..
Go to the bank and MAKE them listen.
I got up, got dressed, grabbed all my paperwork (now more from the failed surgery)
and walked over to the bank! It was difficult- I met a friend on the way and she gave me hug…
I walked into the bank, found the manager and said something along these lines:
“That is it! My husband and I are both very hard working people and we paid mortgage insurance our entire marriage and I fucking contributed so much to this marriage it would not have survived! Here is my paper work- I am applying again!
Decline me again - fine - the next time you see me it will be with a lawyer and the press & I want a response by the end of the fucking week!”
I put the papers down and left.
Listen, I do swear, and when my head is pounding it comes out even more… it is mostly frustration coming out.. I remember she looked at me (I was friends with this woman in a way, I was there the day the bank opened) she said “O.k. Georgia- I’ll send them in”
How dare anyone say a stay at home mom does not earn anything! We are raising the next generation! Hopefully with love- i had to stay at home also to look after Storm properly! I did contribute over the years - I made money and I would buy the groceries, help with bills, etc!
Our entire marriage - talk about inequality bullshit still! I was angry and with every right- it was more of less saying I had no value all these years and I DID - I DO.
Norm woke me a week later at 5 a.m. - “George, Something is wrong! - there is all this money in the bank account! “
They had not declined this time. I never heard a thing.. BUT- they did not pay off the mortgage as one might think - they paid me for a couple of years ‘LOST wages.’
THANK you GOD!
IRONICALLY - If I could go to work for a month- I could re apply and they would pay me again- IT is so fucked up - HOW could I work for a month? Still sick - at least, I could breath easier about the bills.
It was enough to pay off ALL our credit cards, bank loan- ( yep I know some you have them) and pay off a chunk of the mortgage.. so it’s not what you think. You have to be careful if you have mortgage insurance - you might never get.
& look what I had to go through for it. They do not care.
I am proud of myself - everyone told me don't bother, give up…
We were literally weeks away from having to claim bankruptcy & losing our home.
The lesson I want people to understand is HOW can anyone say a house wife does not contribute to a marriage?
That is BULLSHIT & something I would have not learned if we did not live through it.
So, if you are purchasing a new house - will you or won't you? I don't know what to advise.
Norm goes to work every day and does his task.. I stayed home, raise Storm, educate, clean, look after the animals, cooked meals, gardened, created - the list is endless. I think I have worked harder than my husband many days! When I use to teach and had 10 kids at a time all day long- it was terrific! If I had the option- trust me, I wished I could work again.
Either way - with the help of God, I am not stressed anymore - we have things under control. I truly believe it was a miracle that day- that “GET UP - Get dressed and Go!” Stop feeling sorry for myself and make things happen.
Very recently, Norm made the same mistake and pulled a “No, it’s MY money..” when we were having a conversation and I mentioned ‘I wanted to purchase something..’ Our conversation quickly escalated into a heated argument and Norm has since regretted his remark as he f*cking should & I KNOW he is NOT alone. It is too common. It’s not o.k.
I know many men who think like this and it is terrible, instead of celebrating, and treating each other as equals, nourishing each other and celebrating what each other brings to the table, a stay at home wife works just as hard if not harder than many moms I know who go and sit in an office all day. I know there are woman who work very hard outside the home (probably getting paid less than men for the same work)
BUT WE clearly are being punished for choosing to stay home and look after our families and there is no way way I will let anyone tell me - I am 'not contributing'.
What Norm lacks - I make up, what I can't do - he can- IT is how it works, BOTH of us these 25 years contributing to a marriage, $ blood, sweat and too many tears.
It won’t happen again. I am much wiser.
Ladies & gentlemen - have this conversation with your spouse EARLY.
Sort it out so you don't fight it out.
READ the fine print - and IF you are right and YOU know it - PRAY!
& GET up!
With God all things are possible.
I can actually start to enjoy myself a bit with our money, and am planning a vacation, very soon.
Tomorrow back to painting and fun stuff! Wait and see!