This is my friend Rodney!
On one of my very first adventures out' after moving here, I went into a specialty shop & met Rodney behind the counter, I immediately liked him and said "I'll be back!" - He was the first store I visited and still wanted to see more...  I then met a few people and found out Rodney was good friends with the last owner of this house! I went back and introduced mysef as the new owner, that was the start of our friendship.  

While painting this portrait - we were hit with a heat wave & I was reminded of paint drying way too fast.. I'm use to exploring or being  distracted by birds so I walk away from painting - only to return to a dry (ruined) brush & needing to make more of a shade I hope to 'match', not alwasy an easy task.    I don't use a grid- if I did Im sure my painting would be  even closer resemblance but I LIKE my own style emerging still - no grid for me.  It's been months since I took the photo & painted the picture of Rodney - since then, he's cut his hair and looks like a different person - lol   Covid has many of us looking different. 

I truly feel the best part about painting is thinking of who I'm painting and enjoying the time spent pondering. Norm asked after entering the studio - does it feel like your in there with the person?  Yes, it kinda does.
I am contemplating painting George Floyd but the idea of thinking about how he died is infuriating and I don't know that I want it coming out in the painting, I've also never painted a black mans portrait & want to do him justice.
 
It's a rainy day & rainy weekend - lots of time to ponder & paint!  
I spied some edible mushrooms off the driveway yesterday - time  for Norm & I to Foray! YAY! First we'll pick them & then I'll paint them and then we'll eat them!  Excited.
​
Time to paint!  
Inspired by love, I cannot fail.
Georgia

It's all in the details. 
Hard to believe I've almost been here one year... seeing this place come alive this spring has been stunning with the trees, mushrooms, birds- I've never seen- if anyone told me I'd be rusing out at 5 am to feed my woodpeckers, that crack me up with their  daily antics and funny noises -I'd of said... I WISH!    Wishes come true.

The deck is done - Norms part anyhow & now it's down to details.
There is a sunning/yoga bird watching area, a dining area with table & a chilling area to relax with a nice glass of kombucha, or cranberry & soda with a splash of cherry juice, my current prefered beverage. I can only open bottles with bottle openers fastend to walls due to arthritis so I bought 3 bottle openers for each area of the deck!  There's a store in Haliburton called Northern Expressions - they have the best selection of these metal hooks and openers.   It's also where we spied the metal 'bird tree' detail for the custom railing.
I'll be going back for more - the thing is.. I hate to tell you - they don't look like mine - I painted mine... of course. 

I'm going to paint some to sell, mostly because I like painting them!!  People notice the details...  I love it seeing people smile as things catch their eye.  The funny thing is with Covid times.. no one will be seeing my details until 2023.   I think we'll be o.k. by then. lol   
I forgot to mention our deck is VERY dog friendly, as is our home... I will encourage  humans to visit with their dogs.  I'm going to get Norm to install one of this faucets people have to fill pots - to fill the dog dish on the deck ;) (on his list! hahaha!) We also kept the 3 sofa cushions from our old sofa for the dogs, now on the deck covered in a lovely blanket & they  all lay there with us and face the driveway and watch the creatures... my dogs are in heaven as far as they are concerned, Eden at least.

Did you see the woman who called the cops on the bird watcher?
My thoughts on this
1. Cunt.
2. Take her dog from her - see how it's being strangled as she lies...
3. She should be charged,  although I've no doubts she is  paying for her actions on social media & should be.  GOOD.. I have no intentions of looking her up as I'm sure many did and expressed how they felt..  yes, I'm glad she was fired too.  This, was not a simple "mistake".
Black Americans are being shot jogging by fucking REDNECKS in Georgia (ALL ACROSS AMERICA - STILL - this is 2020 people!!)  and not even being arrested?
People like this bitch LIE - the cops could have come & shot him.  Obviously they don't need a fucking valid reason to shoot a black man. Worse, that stupid bitch could have  had some REDNECKS close who would have made a "citizens arrest" & shot him birdwatching - over her LIES. I'm going to find out his favourite bird and paint him  picture, send it to him & THANK him for educating us  and for  remaining calm during that horrible interaction.

June 9th - social gatherings only 5.
No CNE... no pools, no concerts, no sports events..  It's NOT all bad.
I am witnessing a surge of creativity online! Artists are getting better with each post! 
Locked in people have focused on their passions.  
I'm very excited for June 1st! My long time friend (since grade 5!) Carm - her son Mark has a Comedy Special on PRIME!  Wow - how wonderful! He's such a nice young man - I'm very happy for him, Carm & John & his sister Angela must ALL  be beaming!  Mark has always walked to his own beat and if you think that wasn't difficult at times - you are mistaken. I remember a few times Carm telling me teachers would discourage Mark, others tease him but thank GOD he is resilient! & HE WILL continue to SUCCEED because:

With LOVE you can not fail  and Mark has lots of love!
I'm watching!! Please do:

with TLC & THC
​Georgia

​Next my newest portrait- Rodney

Covid Surcharge - or tax... ?  Phhhhhhbt!
If I visit a business & they charge me a 'covid surcharge' or tax I will turn around & leave without my purchase.   Are you kidding me?  
Business owners better think twice.   Did I create this pandemic?
Am I responsible for making others sick or closing your business??      HELL NO.
I have been shopping (carefully with a mask) trying to support my community - take out from several places so everyone gets a bit..  yes WE are ALL in this together but if you think you are going to make me pay for 'it',  guess again.
To chage people extra because YOU are a business owner, lets face it therefore you must be  better off than MOST... if you own your own business..  am I wrong?  
WHY punish your CUSTOMERS who ARE ALSO infact, struggling.  
Nope. Don't do it!
Not only that.. actions will remember, long after covid is complete.

Will covid ever be complete? I WAS so proud of Canada until I saw photos for all the selfish
that decided it was a great day to hang out at a park in record numbers. I didn't see anyone over 50 in the photos.. perhaps the older are wiser.  Probably just more afraid of dying.

Covid-19 $$$ - have you applied? It appears there is money for all. I did not apply, I am grateful to God for all I have and know others need it more than I do.  I asked a friend tho if she's applied, I KNOW she needs the help as she is in a wheel chair. NO- the disabled are not being helped in covid times. NOT only that but she IS in a wheelchair (MUST be) and NOW, wheel trans says she can't bring anyone to help her get groceries!!!   What a fucking joke - she is wearing a mask, has to ride an elevator, can't get around or stay away from others 6 feet, like most of us.  YET, look at all those COVID IDIOTS in the park.  I have NO doubts many applied - got money and DON'T NEED IT.  She WHO NEEDS the help cant get fucking help!?  already living below the poverty line.  Now that YOU have read this  please mention it to someone.. it needs attention - OR we are NOT 'in this all together.' 
 
​Finally, a friend I've know about 2 decades on social media only  & become snail mail pals too, has had a battle with cancer like no other and she is a fucking warrior. Over the years I've watched this woman run marathons, LOVE her hubby -it made me jealous at times, work hard, support others who had cancer before she did, made gifts for many people including me, christmas ornaments.. she is so thought & kind a couple of years ago we decided to meet- I invited them to visit...    Recently, she did not go to the hospital due to cover fears  and now her cancer has reappeared -  I can't even.   :(
She's not doing well... so for all you - all over the world who want to hang out in a park  because your bored and don't give a fuck for others safety - YOU are slapping my friend who IS fighting for her life in the face and I am not happy about it.  FUCK COVID!!!  
And all of you who are behaving selfishly in these times.. do you understand how karma works?  

                                       Stupid is as stupid does. ` Forest Gump

We can't even bury our dead with more than five people. 
Pondering primates in mushroom cap caps are more intelligent that most of us.

Georgia

The perfect sign for this Covid-19 summer!  My deck is decked out - weeeeeeeeee!!
I knew when we bought the house it needed work & who better than Norm & I?  I fell through the old deck last year (rotten in a couple of places) and 1/2 was missing completely so stepping out the studio, I stepped out to rocks and a tiny  (not well made) bridge' to the bird deck  -was an accident waiting to happen - so DECK DAYS!!  lol
I designed the new deck and Norm got to work & it turned out Fricken fantastic- exactly what I wanted - a dream come true!

It's mental HEALTH Monday - want to know what' s  MORE stressful than covid?  
The fucking government not making up their mind!!  Wear a mask- don't wear a mask..  stay home - it's o.k. to go to to a beach/park and pack like a rock concert - Holy! WTF?  
Will the death number go UP these next couple of weeks? I think so.  
I think, I am excited to stay home and chill on the deck allllll summer if need be  & now...

Norm rocked the deck! Don't think it was all fun and games- he has me as the foreman' and everyday I was up and out of bed yelling :It's deck day!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!!  
60ish - one man one week! Ripped out the old - ppoured cement! Dug holes. shovelled rocks, cut wood.. carried wood (LOTS)  predrilled, drilled and customised - to my exact specifications! Fuck ya! Look at the railing we made. hee hee.  & yesterday, he made the mistake of starting something new- the deck could wait...  so he thought.
 NO, it could not and the bear in me let him know it. I've lived 28 years with unfinished projects at the last place- not happening here!!  A bit of grumbling - he finished and Im so happy - Im deck dancing with dogs!.. I decked it out with plants- Norm then build us a fantatic table from old pool table feet someone gave him years ago & a found cedar door that was on the property.  It won't blow over & we don't care if it gets wet.

I love my deck & Norm for building it for me- I am not an easy going client or wife - hahaha
I make sure he's not taking too long of a break and up and ready to rock at 8 a.m.!  & I don't love him because he built me the deck (in record time). I love him because he'd stop and wash the dogs, stop and make ziplock candle holders from the left over cement with me, ingnore me when I 'lose it' and yell due to the mess  I'm having to step over - lol, as I survey the job! hahaha!

Yes, he loves me too - big time.  
The proof of our love is in the details of our home... look at that railing. hee hee.
It's a differnet love than it was 28 years ago (OMG - 28 years!?)  it's stronger...  it should change - it does change. The lovey dovey crap- gone... the loyality & love for both the men in my life - watch out- mess with my son or husband and you'll meet mamabear.  I don't know a harder working guy & I'm glad he's here - even thou some days I tell him to:
Get out of my face!  
Love is.

We talked about all 'this stuff' before Norm moved here & we continued this journey together... I dont know anyone else I could live with, art with - we are a good team.  Time to paint a portrait, plant a garden & chill on my lovely dream deck!  The  bird railing is for art, provides the illusion of being up high, it's only 2 feet off the ground!  
Time for a nice glass of  grape juice with soda & a big fat joint our on the deck!
 
For my mental health - I'll stay home to avoid confusion and germs!
I'll keep busy & garden, draw, paint & explore. I'll nap too. 

With TLC & THC
​Georgia

Seeds have been planted!  Will deer eat my veges? I hope not...
SEEDS!  I'm planting my 4 seeds for patio plants, Cannabis I'll grow and EAT! 
Bird likes it too- I like it in salads and juiced...  My son looks after my smoke'. 
I plant bird his own vege selection, I pick him fresh dandylions too.
I saw this bird bath in a magazine and decided to make my own version - now ART in the garden..  
I purchased all supplies at our local sweet garden store, just around the corner!
Pine Reflections in Carnarvon,  a tiny little BIG selection garden centre.  
Want to make your own designer bird bat ?     You need:
                                    a tomatoe cage - I lked the  delux green..
                                                       Chicken wire
                 something to tie on the chicken wire to the frame - wire, tie wraps, string.
                                              Lots of rocks! Shells.. treasures
​                     a BIG plant saucer (water drainage) or a big bowl  Re USE! 
                             
All you do is put it together - fill it and top it with a bowl & water! Fantastic bird bath that's very affordable.  I DO have lots of rocks on my property, that helped. lol   Perhaps start with a smaller cage. One full of shells would be stunning.. bowling balls?  Rocks.. plants.. pinecones! What you use depends on your personal preference.  Have fun!

I can't wait - mine is just off the end of the deck- I've not seen birds bath yet- I know I will! 
I old Norm after it was full I wanted it moved a foot over- lol    not happening.
I could sell it complete, if anyone is interested for $100.
Shipping is $1000.00  some assembly required. Hahaha   

I went out yesterday and some are wearing masks and some are not... 
Some wear gloves some don't.   I don't enjoy this new experience (shopping) and found grocery shopping slightly frustraiting.  I sure hope this isnt going to relax people to the point of starting all over again...  I think I'll continue to go out very few times if possible.
I have invited a few to a BBQ- 2023 ;)   Norms  built the deck and the birds are calling! I now have a bird watching bench! TWEET TWEET! 

Enjoy the day- wash your hands and don't go - if you don't have to.
Today - 27! YeeeHaw! Bikini weather. 
I hope you like the bird bath & make your own - it is a 'feature in our garden to bejoyed by creatures tiny and big.. deer drinking level. hee hee.
​
With TLC & THC

Sir canna cat.. not an original idea I admit- it was inspired buy vintage art I spied.
Yesterday, was a holiday in what seems like 2 motnsh of holidays & Mental health Monday' ...  for my mental health, I skipped a blog intentionally because I was having a beautiful day and didn't want to focus on anything but the day. 

I was thinking about a friends remarks 'she's Bi-Polar' and I thought FUCK that!  I do not like to see women/friends say such things... anyone for that matter.  I know many are feeling anxiety & depression MORE than ever & I pray they are learnging about psilocybin & cannabis before they introduce LIFE long medications into their bodies. Who isn't depressed at times lately?? Watch *Patriot Act on Netflix (most current episode) knowing what's happens in the USA is making me anxious - let alone Americans... I can't imagine how upset so many must be  with vultures waiting in the wings to kick them out of their homes.  YES, depressed - Bi Polar?   Hell no..  

I go from  singing "zippity doodah- zippity  day... to What the fuck!? Are you kidding me!!!? in a heart beat-  does this mean I am BIpolar? NO - it means I react to BULLSHIT and I am an expressive person - like yesterday, when Norm read:  'Rona Ambrose (former HEALTH minister of Canada)  is now working for an E cigarette comapny - - IF she isnt the biggest fucking hyprocrite - to think we Canadians let that bitch have anything to do with deciding on our health - she is a SELL OUT$$$$$$$$$  E cigarettes  $$$$  her priorities are very clear, I've no doubts she'll claim by working with them, she can control things.  LIES.
If you are foolish enough to believe them- that's your downfall.  IF we are foolish not to remember this sellout in the future - who knows where we'll be.. perhaps like our American neighbors. Struggling - ruled BY GREED.  

 So if my mood switching from  happy to pissed off in a second is considered "bipolar" by some bullshit I read/learn about -  phhhhhbt.  I'm grateful I'm not full of pills that are numbing and dumbing my life - BEEN there DONE that- and look where it got me.. TWITCH TWITCH. HOW do they help??  If more people learned HOW to express emotions - all they feel- safely - we might be better off instead of addicted to DRUGS - prescribed drugs. 
 
E cigarettes! Who isnt aware of the health damages of this growing concerne?  I'm sure she is... YET she made countless Canadians feel like worthless criminals over our cannabis cookies! What a fucking joke - and it's on us. I don't forget. We  have brains that allow us NOT to forget for a reason, protection.  History that is forgotten often repeats itself- LOOK at Slavery in the USA Todday.  All slaves to few- few who don't care about their health, homes, families - only sees it's humans as WORKERS - all expendable according to TRUMP. Still suffering & dying & struggling the most according to facts - Black Americans. History repeats itself.
WHY do we LET these "LEADERS" LIE &  continually screw us over?  I do not believe in one leader.  Thankfully we already have a FANTASTC representative for Canada.  I am proud of Canada & Covid.   Still I'm staying in- I don't think it's gone  and I feel to great to get it! Hee hee

Norms deck building! I fell through the deck, it was rotted and another deck was never finsihed- you stepped out your patio door onto rocks & dirt - Norms on it-  Weeeee I'm so excited I was already dancing on my new deck & he's adding a bench so I can sit & sketch my birds.. I woke up to this sunrise today! God shouting 'Good morning!'
I ran outside to take photos just so I could share with my son - NO filter- that sky was that stunning!!
How can one not see a miracle in that sky?
Another day - I've been blessed with,  wait until you see my super cheap but super fantastic bird bath! Time for me to get out  (Norms already out!) and finsih the Artsy'ist bird bath in the Haliburton Highlands! Just ask the bluejays.

with TLC & THC 
​Georgia 

Mushrooms - Psilocybin are also called: The Golden teachers..  I get it.
What they teach us is a valuable lesson worth more than gold.. they ease suffering.
If you allow them. I only had the one negative experience and I no longer consider it negative.  This week my body told me to microdose... I listened.
During this Covid my psorisis has flared, it's my for sure sign even tho I don't 'think' I'm overly stressed - I'm stressed. It would be unnatural right now if anyone said they've felt no stress the past few months. 

What do Psilocybin teach me?
Every single time: I AM LOVED. I AM enough. Be good to me.
I also FEEL' closest to God - just like when you are at peace in the garden or resting under a tree surrounded by nature and life and love.  Black fly love us- hahaha
Not a human, not books, not PILLS, not food..  a tiny litle mushroom has helped.
Go figure! Who knew!?   God.

God and many others knew - Scientists KNEW in the 50' & 60's. Thank GOD that psilocybin mushrooms are being seen AGAIN for what they are - healing medicine.
I am exceedingly grateful to & for them - nothing has ever helped as much as they have. Believe me or don't I don't care -it's your choice all I can do is share my experiences and you can ponder yourself as to what to do. I can't make you, nor do I want to- It's NO careless buzz'.   When the student is ready the teacher will appear.  
Golden Teacher - thank you.
I am loved.  
They have ALSO allowed me to forgive and constantly encourage: BE here now.

Yesterday was marvelous! We explored our backyard! Holy- I'm so happy to be here. hee hee.  We found our first mushroom of the season, new birds & my new obsession - Mossballs. haha I don't know what Im making but I LOVE moss balls- I just wanna squish them.. Tiny eco systems. I've never been more isolated and more happy in my life...  with the exception of missing my son.
Soon, soon It will be over- or at least nice enough we can have an outdoor visit & picnic!
Honestly, I really don't think we'll see anthing close to Normal again - until 2023.  
I feel from what I've read, it will come back in the fall and am being cautious this summer. 
I hope you do too! 

Want to learn more about the Stoned ape theory - read:
www.goodreads.com/book/show/51660.Food_of_the_Gods
Food of The Gods: Terence McKenna  - food for the brain! 

Have you watched Midnight Gospel on Netflix- WOW.  
Best animated show on television NOW.  Episode 8, had me in tears - you were warned.
Netflix also has a movie/doc. about psilocybin  with a bunch of comedians...
​ 'Have a nice trip' check it out.
I'm pleased they did not make it a "joke".

With TLC & THC & Psilocybin  
​Georgia 

 I've learned a trick to painting better is paint something you really like!  Perhaps that's cats, turtles, cars, comics, imaginary creatures.. fruit or friends!  PICK ONE and focus on the details.  To paint portraits - I like to paint people that I consider interesting, have great faces, make me laugh, are nice humans, have interesting facial features..   ALL of the above.   Occassionally I see a photo that makes me smile - this one of two friends Kevin & Chris, was from a party I missed.  After I saw that photo, I really knew I missed a good time - Hahaha!

It made me laugh out loud for too many reasons to mention. It was a joy to paint -giggling the entire time - then giggling at the anticipation of posting it and having these two "see it" for the first time  - I think they will SMILE.  Don't you? 
I took a bit of artist liberty with the background and removed a lamp real mental photoshop happening.
 
I did show my son and he replied: LMAO - which is Good!  

Focus on imagry that is pleasing to the mind and brings back happy memories and fondness - as I have for these two.  They are two of my favorite people on the planet. lol
Seeing them in this photo cracks me up, EVERY time!
I also filled my home with treasures' & trinkets' not worth millions but each one  makes me smile! It matters. 

Visual triggers are more powerful than people realize  - get rid of anything that upsets you or you associate with negative feelings.  Who needs it? Or don't - the choice is yours.
Nothing 'material' is worth keeping if it causes you pain, mental or physical.
 Toss it and MOVE on.    

Make room for new happy memories.  Surround yourself with love- at every opportunity.
Now, I must decide whom to give it to..  maybe I'll keep it and enjoy it for a while.
​
With TLC & THC
Georgia
Acrylic on wood panel 6 x 6.
​

Yeah!  It's mental health Monday!  
We are still in a semi state of emergency with Covid-19 anxiety & depression are at untimate highs'. The weather is getting nicer and restrictions are carefully lifting.  Still concerned,  I'll  be  cautious - I  want it over.. so I can hug my son, mostly.    I think I've been better than fine mentally' other than a few triggers' - TRUMP anything is a trigger for an anger meltdown for MANY!

I struggle some days more than most, yesterday was one of those days.   Mothers day.
Joyful - the best day of my life, the day I became a mom! I've thanked the universe everyday.
I've not seen my  mother for over a year.. close to two & won't be spending anytime with her anytime soon... if ever again. Yes, I'm sure that sounds harsh. What's more important - health or being concerned with the opinin of others.  Others who  frankly, don't have a full understanding of the situation.  I've had to tell people to stop saying things like: "She's your mom..." or "you only have one mom.."  these statements kept me in a relationship for far too long that was NOT healthy.. at least 54 years. 

I'd like to make something very clear..   I love my mother. We have been through stuff, more than most.  She taught me to be a fighter,  no one can deny.  
What I no longer tolerate is her abuse - caused (MOSTLY) in part due to her issues with depression & ALCOHOL abuse.  I've no doubts my mother consumed large amounts while pregnant with me... it's a no brainer, when you understand the situation & I finally, really might.    She was NOT in a good place when she had me, most knew it.. no, ALL new it.  
It was no secret  my mother partied hard, drank and was not afraid of anyone including men whe would physically fight with in bars - the stories were often shared, accompanied with laughter. I don't find the stories amusing anymore.

I spent most of my childhood & ALL of my teens, trying to figure out that I did to make my mother hate me so much.  She resented me being born & I paid for it many times over because she was MENTALLY ILL and struggling.  Constant verbal abuse, physical abuse & neglect. Lots.  Weekly beatings - usually after a night of drinking out with all her friends & family my mom would come home and took out all her frustrations, anger, resentment & jealous out on me. Everyone knew what she was like and never intervened..  WTF?
As I became older & understood that, resentment built. It's why today, I am fine distancing myself with ALL family. 

This blog is to help any teens, adults who suffer with depresseion & arent sure why - cut yourself some slack! Think about it.. chances are YOU know why!
 We don't- we are taught to take pills and put our emotions away.. shhhhhh.  BUT it doesn't GO away!  It festers and comes out in many other ways.  Some become hurtfull, vengeful, nasty.. it comes out with health issues, relationship issues and more.  I do blame my mom for my twitch partly... pehaps from one too many beatings - all of which she doesn't remember - (BULLSHIT) because "I was drunk.."
Is there any wonder why I have a hatred for alcoholics - I know it's the ALCOHOL.  Still, 
No one poured it down her throat. WE ALL make choices and some choose the same thing OVER & OVER for decades EVEN though they are AWARE of the pain they cause.

Don't force it away- deal wtih it, think about it so you can sort it out and say:
IT WAS NEVER ME! & then focus on what you can do to make it better because YOU DESERVE better.  Mother, father, sister, brother- aunt uncle - are all just words'. SADLY, commonly many of us ARE abused BY those closest to us - family.  It's NEVER o.k.    ON ANY level.  Acknowledge it  - this is the trick! By acknowledging it I am prepared to deal with it' & possibly even CONTROL it.  

I knew yesterday was going to be BAD.  Mothers day - a day I celebrate & cringe - I was READY - Fuck COVID... No Storm visiting..  it was an emotional day so I had this monkey ready to go - PREPARED to paint- FORCED myslef to paint!  All day - I avoided depression. Fuck depression - I have monkeys to paint. 
I turned into a pondering primate in the pasture hee hee hee, and enjoyed the day - if only in my mind... the place place to BE.

If you are constantly trying to figure out what you do, to piss someone off- it's not you.
Get some distance from that person. If you are being abused GET away from that person.. the sooner the better.

The drawing below created curing a Psilocybin experience, I was OVERrun with past memories all at once, & felt I desperately NEEDED to draw them to get them OUT of my head!   I think that was the MOST important  "philocybin experience" I've had, although painful - emotionally & AM very grateful for it now.. it ended it.
Once & for all... It made me SEE/understand - It was NEVER me.  I feel better.  
Stronger.  Excited more to ENJOY every day.
Psilocybin mushrooms for PTSD - THANK GOD! 
* I've also been very blessed with a fantactic mental health doctor & friend for 15+ years, who had supported and encouraged anything & everything to help me 'BE' better.  ;) 

With TLC & THC - more on Mental health next Monday.
I'm starting a new mini portrait today - one that makes me smile EVERY time I look at it.  Painting myself happy- is the way to BE. 

with TLC & THC
Me!

Below an excerpt from the night of sketches on mushrooms..
a memory from my first trip to Disney in my teens.

There's a little monster in us all..   I have one.
How do they get there.. I'll tell you how. We are taught.
They call us 'Little Monsters' but forget, they help make us that way.

Yesterday, it was visiting.. big time, my little monster.  
It came with a warning for Norm : Leave me 'Be today. 
He knows when I say that, to listen.  He did.  Thank God.. cause my monster was ready to rip someones eyes out. I needed to sooth the beast because I AM AWARE when it's there. NOW.  It only took 56 years to spot it.  With the help of natural medicine.

I stayed in bed all day in silence. 
I cried  for little me & I apologized that there was not 'someone like me' for me, back then.
Then it hit me.. wow.    How awesome, I have turned out to be - me.
I had words I've been waiting to hear my entire life.  
I'm sorry.   "I'm sorry,  I knew.. We all knew."   
I roared back:  I know you knew! How could you not know!!?  
WTF did you think was happening?  Bedtime stories and snuggles.  HARDLY.
YOU fuckers ('adults' all aware & too)  & yes... shame on you,  ALL of you who knew.  
You can live with it.  But I get it. I get being caught up in our own world & problems. 

Then the words:   You raised yourself.
Yes, I did. 
Pretty much...  

Fuck yeah! I did a fantastic job - all things considered.
I am so grateful for that phone call - I needed it.
I needed to know - someone knew. Thank You!  Confirmation.
Validation.. vengeance even.
& God knew I was ready...  
I have forgiven & finally, too fucking wise to forget.
I forgive you all!  I'll prove it by living a great 'rest of my life.

I also KNOW Cannabis has helped me with PTSD.
Psilocybin Mushrooms made me AWARE on a unplesant but NEEDED trip..
It was never me.  I was & am - a gift.  Created to create.. watch me.

I'm going to share some past experiences (it's time) & call them 'Mental health Mondays!'
Not to shame or 'OUT' , to educate about mental health & how we can HELP oursleves &
MORE - help children. 
Anyone one who suspects child abuse & you don't speak up..
watch out..  those little Monsters grow up, quite often & understandably with a little grudge.
Some little monsters grow up to be immoral, cruel monsters that kill, terrorise and make others suffer- for the  suffering they might have had themselves as children.  Fact.
They don't draw/paint it out - they shoot it out, or beat it out - of others.
It's a patterns that repeats itself for generations too often and it's fucking sad & inpart avoidable.

I am LOVED. I am a Child of God.
God has ALWAYS protected me and shall continue to do so!
I was NEVER alone.

I raised myself.

Tomorrow, I'm going to treat myself to a wonderful mothers day!
I won't see my son but we'll face time and I KNOW how much he loves me
& tells me I am the most caring, thanful person he knows & he loves me, MORE! 
Everyday is mothers day with my son. 
I wonder what I'll paint myself for mothers day!? Ohhh I'm excited! lol 
What helps calm the little monster in you?
​
Praise Jesus and thank you for never leaving me when everyone else did.

With TLC & THC
Georgia