I have so much to do you don't even know. Tired as fuck.
hee hee hee
Mortgage insurance.. do you have it?
We did and I want to educate you with our own experience regarding it.
*longish blog- sorry - I tried to shortened it .
When I started to get ill and could no longer work- even walk (pre brain surgery) I could no longer teach kids, paint murals, anything and now along with being very ill we started to feel the stress of only a one income home, I was getting sicker because of it.
My Dr. asked ‘Do you have mortgage insurance?’ I came home and asked Norm- YES!
We actually did! & It was to our understanding - If one spouse gets sick and can no longer help, the bank would pay off the mortgage! So we ASSumed.
I filled out the papers, had Dr.s letters, from several including a couple of neurologists all stating I could no longer work- We read the fine print and dropped the forms off at the bank. They came back DECLINED.
Although we have been married 22 years (at the time of applying) because I did not have a “Normal 9- 5 job that I went to every day- I was not seen as a $$$ contributor to the family home. In their opinion.
I was a stay at home mom and therefor I did not work. wow. I was floored… & I was still very sick and getting sicker. Everyone said - they knew that would happen, the bank never helps people. Forget about it.
I did - what else could I do..
I had the surgery, as you are aware - it did not work BUT it did relieve some pressure and was a bit better for a while- it’s since progressed again ;( - anyhow—- I still could not work - i remembering crying thinking ‘even Walmart won’t hire me..” and we were getting into financial difficulties- as most people do when there is only suddenly one income. Really bad, worried about losing our home bad.
It was a snowstorm, I was alone and crying- feeling completely helpless, defeated and very sick I remember it so well - I don't care WTF anyone thinks about this:
I heard it in my head, so warm and reassuring, God said..
Go to the bank and MAKE them listen.
lol! I got up, got dressed, grabbed all my paperwork (now more from the failed surgery)
and walked over to the bank! It was difficult- I met a friend on the way and she gave me hug…
I walked into the bank, found the manager and said something along these lines:
“That is it! My husband and I are both very hard working people and we paid mortgage insurance our entire marriage and I fucking contributed so much to this marriage it would not have survived! Here is my paper work- I am applying again!
Decline me again - fine - the next time you see me it will be with a lawyer and the press & I want a response by the end of the fucking week!”
I put the papers down and left.
Listen, I do swear, and when my head is pounding it comes out even more… it is mostly frustration coming out.. I remember she looked at me (I was friends with this woman in a way, I was there the day the bank opened) she said “O.k. Georgia- I’ll send them in”
How dare anyone say a stay at home mom does not earn anything! We are raising the next generation! Hopefully with love- i had to stay at home also to look after Storm properly! I did contribute over the years - I made money and I would buy the groceries, help with bills, etc!
Our entire marriage - talk about inequality bullshit still! I was angry and with every right- it was more of less saying I had no value all these years and I DID - I DO.
Norm woke me a week later at 5 a.m. - “George, Something is wrong! - there is all this money in the bank account! “
They had not declined this time. I never heard a thing.. BUT- they did not pay off the mortgage as one might think - they paid me for a couple of years ‘LOST wages.’
THANK you GOD!
IRONICALLY - If I could go to work for a month- I could re apply and they would pay me again- IT is so fucked up - HOW could I work for a month? Still sick - at least, I could breath easier about the bills.
It was enough to pay off ALL our credit cards, bank loan- ( yep I know some you have them) and pay off a chunk of the mortgage.. so it’s not what you think. You have to be careful if you have mortgage insurance - you might never get.
& look what I had to go through for it. They do not care.
I am proud of myself - everyone told me don't bother, give up…
We were literally weeks away from having to claim bankruptcy & losing our home.
The lesson I want people to understand is HOW can anyone say a house wife does not contribute to a marriage?
That is BULLSHIT & something I would have not learned if we did not live through it.
So, if you are purchasing a new house - will you or won't you? I don't know what to advise.
Norm goes to work every day and does his task.. I stayed home, raise Storm, educate, clean, look after the animals, cooked meals, gardened, created - the list is endless. I think I have worked harder than my husband many days! When I use to teach and had 10 kids at a time all day long- it was terrific! If I had the option- trust me, I wished I could work again.
Either way - with the help of God, I am not stressed anymore - we have things under control. I truly believe it was a miracle that day- that “GET UP - Get dressed and Go!” Stop feeling sorry for myself and make things happen.
Very recently, Norm made the same mistake and pulled a “No, it’s MY money..” when we were having a conversation and I mentioned ‘I wanted to purchase something..’ Our conversation quickly escalated into a heated argument and Norm has since regretted his remark as he f*cking should & I KNOW he is NOT alone. It is too common. It’s not o.k.
I know many men who think like this and it is terrible, instead of celebrating, and treating each other as equals, nourishing each other and celebrating what each other brings to the table, a stay at home wife works just as hard if not harder than many moms I know who go and sit in an office all day. I know there are woman who work very hard outside the home (probably getting paid less than men for the same work)
BUT WE clearly are being punished for choosing to stay home and look after our families and there is no way way I will let anyone tell me - I am 'not contributing'.
What Norm lacks - I make up, what I can't do - he can- IT is how it works, BOTH of us these 25 years contributing to a marriage, $ blood, sweat and too many tears.
It won’t happen again. I am much wiser.
Ladies & gentlemen - have this conversation with your spouse EARLY.
Sort it out so you don't fight it out.
READ the fine print - and IF you are right and YOU know it - PRAY!
& GET up!
With God all things are possible.
I can actually start to enjoy myself a bit with our money, and am planning a vacation, very soon.
Tomorrow back to painting and fun stuff! Wait and see!
It's April... tax time and the thought brings me to tears.
Norm is feeling especially blue over this years taxes too.
Not for the reasons you might imagine. Jim did our taxes. He worked for Revenue Canada. He died horribly last April when he was thrown from his golf cart and I find myself feeling torn apart all over again. My heart aches all over again it seems as it does for everyones closest to Jim. Elly & the kids btw are STILL dealing with issues surrounding the case not yet resolved... if only it was over so they might move forward.
I see Norm put Jims name on the calendar today and it made me angry- I don't need it on the calendar to remember- but, I get it too.. Norm is having his own hard time, he too is missing Jim.
Yes, I'm feeling extra blue, life can do that to us.
Thank God I have some serious drawing to do to keep me busy. I put LOVE into every brush stroke - as is expected. The 'old me' wanted to stay in bed and cry today - what a waste of a day, of a gift and even of memories. Jim wouldn't want any one of us to be still crying over him - everyone who knows him knows that to be fact. He LOVED life.
Jim loved my cartooning, he provided many ideas and inspiration. I miss him.
This time last year- I had no idea Jim would soon be gone. If I would have had some premonition of things to come - I would have made sure to get in a few more hugs at least.
Who will be gone from your life tomorrow?
Did you tell them you love them recently?
I don't think I actually 'said it' to Jim but I know he knew it.
Time to paint.
I purchased new sheets on the weekend and found these two napping in my bed!
What is it about new/clean sheets? :)
( one of many)It's TIME! Tis The Season! Everywhere you look glitter, sparkle! Buy! Buy! Buy!
Oh my Gosh I am the first one to get caught up in it!! Why, I will avoid the mall until - Feb if possible. I can't do it! It turns me into The Grinch and I will tell you why...
PLEASE DO NOT GO FURTHER IN DEBT BY USING YOUR
CREDIT CARDS!!!! The stress later - might kill you!
If you go 'way back' in this blog you will read about my credit card experience..
well not all of it. I'm finally ready to share the outcome.
When I was at the beginning of this 'brain thing' journey, it started with me being very sick.
I could hardly get out of bed, Dr.s had no clue and all the tests and neurologist were starting. I had like many of you a credit card. When I worked, I paid the card. I even paid for coverage if you get sick*. It was fine, bills came in and I made payment.
When I became ill, and fast - this household lost one income. Fast.
We started to lose control of our finances and I could no longer make payments for my credit card. Which was getting insane with interest payments.
Shit happens. That is how easy it can happen to you too, btw.
I couldn't make payments, they started to call. I blogged about it, early on.
I freaked out because I received a phone call and was told:
"You can't make payments? I'll come to your house and make you F*cking pay!"
I got off the phone and was visibly shaking, I did not know what to do, who to contact and never had a call like that before. Nasty & mean, this guy kept taking it to a new level.
To make a real long story shorter.. I contacted company that 'represented' MC that I acquired at the time (who had nothing to do with master card) lol ... everyone else gave me the run around - PLEASE remember I was very sick - they want you to give up.
Anyhow - Thank God (literally) as I am sure it is with Gods direction - I got attention.
I was called by MC head office in Canada right away.
A week went by- they said 'they listened to the calls' I had been getting, assured me the employee had been fired and the gentleman I was speaking with told me in his own words "he was a piece of work and was sorry for what I had been put through" & was then
told about a *'hardship program'. I could pay only $50 a month for a year with no interest. Tired, sick, frightend by the calls I had been getting, hounded, yelled at, taunted, threatened, called many times a day and never listened or wouldn't pass me over to a supervisor.. I was exhausted. I agreed.
My health issues progressed, a year flew by & the calls start again and just as bad, again:
I was told 'I was making up the hardship program' or 'they had never heard of it!' RUN around, constant calls and MORE abuse. Where do they get these people!? How can they say they are not aware of them verbally & mentally trying to abuse people they phone?
I had had it!!! It's one thing if we shirk our obligations but no one deserves this over a lousy credit card. Deathly sick and they were in fact, making me sicker! I cried on the phone to some of those people, begged to be able to just talk to someone - to try to resolve it.
They have no problems giving credit cards to EVERYONE but they then MAKE everyone FEEL like a criminal if they can not pay & NOT EVERYONE is a f*cking criminal!
If thats the case and they think we are criminals then why give us the cards in
the first place - because they don't care.
Frustrated I finally contacted 'who I did' the first time - ONLY this time - I had had enough. I told them straight out in a letter & e mail:
'BRING to me fucking court, you're never getting another fucking cent for the abuse & stress you have added to my illness'.
IT was FUCKING abuse, plain and simple. No amount of '$' is worth it.
Clearly someone finally listened, my phone rang the next day.
I was told that day, I would NEVER hear from the credit card company again,
"I'd be wiped off the face of the earth, as far as they were concerned"
I never got another phone call.
I never got another bill.
I never made another payment.
That was about 3 years ago now.
I will NEVER own another credit card again.
We do not own any now and will keep it that way.
I told Norm if he gets one - he can get a new wife too... ;) No credit cards.
Even to be removed from your husbands/wifes card - YOU can't!
YOU need his/her permission -(divorce nightmare) and must give it to the bank.
You can go and buy one - if you need to make a purchase online for a set limit.
I use paypal for everything I purchase online or I don't buy it.
NO ONE NEEDs a credit card anymore.
It's all stuff.
Please don't put yourself in the hands of people who will torment you, they don't care if you are sick or not, and it only adds to illness. OVER stuff.
There IS a program called the Hardship program < click to read more.
There is a great documentary - GIVE it to your kid this christmas:
Maxed OUT ** Please give yourself the gift of education and watch it as well.
Credit card companies when they behave like this are no better than glorified loan sharks,
I know first hand - I was terrified to answer my phone at a time - when I as waiting to hear from Dr.s and get tests results. A time when I was sick and they just made me sicker. Fact.
*** If you think you can lie - good luck- look at what I had to prove & what they put me through. Things happen out of our control.
*That 'extra protection coverage '- miss one payment and it's out the window.
Just thinking of what I went through makes me still feel ill.
I have the number of the guy from the credit card company in my wallet, still! LOL
He was not happy to see my name come across his desk a second time.
ALSO * I learned! I started to RECORD their calls. Tell them that!!!
DO NOT let them abuse you! * I do think you have to warn them & I seriously do mean record the calls if they are making threats.
>>> If you are lying - well, you are part of the problem. <<<
THE real problem is the credit card companies and the fact that they just keep handing them out as they get richer just off of everyones interest - in stuff. Literally.
Is STUFF worth the rest of your life? A christmas gift the kids MIGHT really play with for a year? You will pay years for. Your kids do not want you stressed.
AM I a buzz kill? GOOD!!!
I'd rather be a buzzkill that contribute to your mental meltdown in January when you can't afford hydro, never mind credit card bills. xox
Tip 2 tomorrow!!
The other night I was tired - one of those days, sore and grumpy, a day my twitch did NOT quit and felt in much need of some real time out. TUB TIME. Time to soak & think, or soak and NOT think! BUT mostly to RELAX. In the past have a nice glass of wine to drink (a couple even)! All this very acceptable - even encouraged - un-wind mom - have a glass of wine! MOMs of planet unite! WHO doesn't love a tub? I do.
* I keep it to a minimum - I do have hard time soaking in that much water when I know some don't have any to drink, I do cave from time to time I am only human damn it!!
Tub time ?
Norm knows- he usually runs it for me - it is a bit of a production: candles, sketch pad and 3 pencils, dry wash cloth so I don't wet sketch pad, wet wash cloth to - wash, speakers, ipod, more candles, bath bomb from LUSH, cup of tea (Teaopia - sleep well) and a JOINT rolled by my son - I am not joint roller. For the number of times I take a bath - to calm my nerves, try to figure stuff out, soak, 1 hour! I DESERVE IT! WE DESERVE IT!!! We are in our own homes. We are not harming anyone. We NEED A BREAK! Quite frankly - Better a joint than a glass of wine! YOU could spill, break the glass - into the tub (been there done that) I'm not joking.
I was beyond grumpy - I was borderline miserable. I needed that tub. After only a few moments I could feel the stress release up into the smoke that filled the tiny room. My thoughts once again returned to come up with ideas, thinking about all I have to be thankful for LIKE the amazing, warm, clean, beautiful water I soak in. I thank God for it.
Drawing this I thought some might object .. to what? The joint?
The candles are more of a danger than the Cannabis!!!
You have your wine (moderation) or have your joint. RELAX
There is absolutely nothing wrong with Cannabis. Other than the fact that it is illegal.
I am glad I had the joint and don't need the wine.
I believe if I did not have the joint I feel I would have to have the wine.
That seems to be the plan....
NEVER PLEAD GUILTY EVER AGAIN to enjoying a joint.
IF YOU LOVE A TUB- SHARE! Moms I've been there, LOL - still there some days - it might be the only break we get from time to time. It is all about telling the truth. Putting the lies to bed and getting rid of this STUPID stigma attached to Cannabis.
WHICH ALSO happens to be our medicine.
<>< (Have Faith!) XOX
Note; I posted last night on FB - Are you a HOTBOX HOUSEWIFE!?
(OMG- still giggling)
HOT BOX! what the F&^%$ was I thinking? LOL - and then the only guy that 'liked' it was Dank Sac. LOL!!! I am still BLUSHING!!! And laughing, one friend did catch it and said he almost spit out his water. Ahhhhhhhh.. Time to draw! ;-D
Thank you God. I enjoyed that giggle.