The first day of Jim's funeral, ending on Thursday with the mass. A week today Jim died.
The week a blur, literally - of tears.
I have been cursing and thankful for the upcoming art show that was planned months ago.
I feel almost disrespectful even advertising for it. If I did not have others involved who have advertised as well and have friends coming.. I would have cancelled.
My cousin Elly told me 'Jim would want you to.. ' LOL - Jim was always telling me to make money from what I do - 'instead of giving it away'. Really, he was also our 'accountant' of sorts. Only the week before his death did we have this very conversation. It's only $. No amount of money can help heal my cousin heart right now, or that of their children & many more who loved Jim.
His heart helped someone.
Painting my cutout - I thought of Jim and a halloween cutout I had done.. cleaning out by the pool - I thought of Jim, up at the BBQ - you think of JIM! If he was at your house .. chances are he took over the BBQ. Cleaning my house, photos on my walls & in my computer - I burst into tears.
It's still hard to believe but here is nothing like a coffin to being that reality home.
I hope to be strong - I'm at the point where I think - I can't possibly cry anymore, if I do...
oh well. I don't care what anyone thinks about anything.
Jim wouldn't and he would tell me not too either.
I only care about Elly and her family right now.
There they are, the tears.. so much for thinking they are gone.
Upset that I won't be able to advertise for the show, like I was planning on days before - I told Norm - "I don't have time nor do I care to run around putting signs up!!!"
He said "George.. Don't worry about it! "
He called me... I looked out the window...
He does make me smile.