Storm was born the first day of fall! He will be 21 in a few weeks.
Summer is over - time to settle in for the winter. LOL I get more drawing done.
Time out is needed. I had a very difficult few days, I am not sure why some are worse than others, they are and I must just take one day at a time. I have given up making promises to people as to when I can do something. Last week there were 2 mornings - before I even was out of bed I knew I was in for a difficult day. A definite sign is being woke up by my twitch. The only word that keeps coming to mind is exhausted. My tolerance becomes lower than normal (and trust me it can get pretty low) so I sign 'off'. Before I comment or say something I might regret. I know it is when I feel my worst physically that I can become my worst mentally. Don't we all?
This brings me to a point I have pondered in great deal.. 3 people made comments this week as to 'my' language. Specifically my use of the 'F' word. As in you can all go 'Fuck' yourself...
First I will say I was never one to swear all the time. I hear myself and think did I just say Fuck again... (sigh). I don't seem to have the control I did and the word escapes before I even realize what I am saying. I have noticed it is a problem especially since my illness. I have mentioned it to several professionals and have been told it is common with brain injuries and I clearly have something going on in my brain. I will also say that my speech is effected, and when I am angry - well trying to find the correct words is difficult enough but not only do I look like I'm having a stroke when I'm mad but to think of words - well, forget it, or should I say Fuck it.
"As it turns out, there is a body of research on the neurobiology of swearing, and it largely supports the idea that the brain treats curse words as special. One source of evidence comes from Tourette’s syndrome (TS), a neurological condition characterized by involuntary behavioral tics. In some TS cases, these tics are manifested as involuntary outbursts of cursing or other inappropriate language. Another line of evidence is seen in aphasia, which is a specific loss of language caused by brain damage or dementia. Though people with aphasia may have severely impaired speech, they often produce curse words with greater fluency and regularity than other words. - See more at: http://blog.scienceinsociety.northwestern.edu/2013/02/a-special-place-in-the-brain-for-swearing/#sthash.stAaxZPc.dpuf
But a few comments were said -"Your better than that." It got me thinking.
IF using the word FUCK make me a worse person, a word... then that's o.k.,
I will not apologize for something that quite frankly I have like little control over, I feel bad for people with Tourettes. I too, am reminded of my dad and his problems with language before he died of Dementia. In the beginning you could see him not talking out of frustration and fear of what would come out of his mouth. He often called Storm 'Spot' and knew it was Storm. He'd shake his head and then started to speak less and less.
It was sad. So instead of stopping talking to people, I guess I'll just be more careful on who I think will be judging me. I already hardly leave my home because of my physical appearance. Everything Happens for a reason.
Actions are louder than words so if you choose to judge me on my words...
I guess it is just another lesson I had to learn, it's o.k., I'm good with it.
I know who I am and why I do what I do. I am very aware of my swearing, it is not something I am thrilled about but if you think I shall become ashamed over it -
Go fuck yourself !!
- lol - sorry, could not resist. Really, I have other things to focus on, if you only have my language to focus on then perhaps you need to focus on other things too.
Now back to FALL, snuggling! Tea and cookie! Cleaning my crafting room & getting ready for some serious painting and drawing.