It has been an incredibly emotional week.
Surgery was not a complete success. I have no doubts in my mind, my surgeon saved my life for I was much worse.
Increasingly, since surgery my twitch (which is electrical impulses being shot off by my brain for no reason) has returned. Each one hurts. Some days I can hardly function physically, others I am doing all that I love, only not as quickly, for long or as often.
It has come with many challenges mental and physical.
The neurologist I just visited (a new one) - a very nice, serious, older -a bit ‘higher up’ than the last, said he believes the diagnoses to be hemi facial spasm and Trigeminal neuralgia.
I agree as I am living it. I have several ‘attacks’ throughout the day. Still no diagnoses as to why - still looking. I wish I knew then what I knew now- I WOULD be much more careful as to what goes into this body. I have returned to mother nature and feel better every day.
I am not willing to let them ‘look inside’ again at this time.
I go next week for an MRA to rule out an aneurism.
If you read the blog you know what I am experiencing. With each attack I find my breath is held until it is over and then I am visibly shaken and instantly exhausted. With each one that passes the first thing that comes to mind is Thank you.
I AM still here, thank you.
People have aneurisms and die every minute all around the world.
Thank you. I have lived with that fear EVERY day of my life for the past 4 years. It’s enough to drive you mad. Now I SEE I am reminded EVERY DAY, several times a day (weather I like it or not! - LOL) what is important to me.
For that I can only say THANK YOU!!! What a blessing!
I AM exactly where He wants me to be and am grateful for the lesson.
I often find myself belting out “I can see clearly now the rain has gone...”
It’s releasing! Uplifting!
Not important to me:
kissing ass! LOL - Really -WHAT a relief it is in life when you get to this point! With my drawing and life - I no longer need anyones approval. It took IT to make me see.
Was blind and now I see....
So, what ever gets you there is good!
I’m done with nasty. I choose to not have 'them' in my life.
When I was 'beautiful' - I did not always feel that way... worried about my hair, make-up, skin, teeth & love handles, that was on good days.
All the outter shell. I won’t be putting on makeup for my Face Book posts,
some days I don’t remember to brush my hair first! I live with the moment and enthusiasm. If I stop and think - will they like my hair? - then I'd never share.
None of us would.
I AM REAL LIFE. And proud of it.
I am enjoying life! I am drawing, trying to make a positive difference and for the first time in my life, I know I am happiest when I help others. Draw for others in many cases. Helping others get their message and dreams out! Why NOT!? I have been approaching people I like and believe in, I had one new friend tell me “I’m intimidating!” lol - I share ideas, toons and more if I can. It is one way to serve each other, help each other.
I AM done with corporate greed - I prefer the little guy.
IT is the little guy that got them there in the first place. Too many forget it.
Even when it comes to shopping I prefer small, independently owned stores.
I will admit - I don’t feel I have time to waste anymore. Who does?
So, this is me. I will be continuing to heal as much as possible this winter (like all other Canadian Mama Bears, I shall hibernate) unfortunately, with all this going on - we still have the stresses coming with the expected changes with Health Canada.
Really - this is what very sick Canadians are dealing with. NOT ‘stoners’ and quite frankly WE DON'T NEED IT! We need to continue to get strong and focus on our health!
Cannabis has eased my sons pain since he was 14, not OXY, not codeine, not morphine, Cannabis. Thank God. For what ever reason it is NOW my medicine. I can’t eat without it. I can’t sleep without it - my twitch wakes me up. I cannot function without it. I get NO breaks without it.
We have had several other lessons happen the past year - I plan on sharing... now that I am stronger. A few lesson learned the hard way - perhaps sharing, you might avoid. <3
I am very grateful for the e mail, support and friendships I have made, some on the other side of the planet! How awesome is that!?
So, I am very happy to be exactly where I am!
I still have to get use to my new look.
My son said when he sees my photos all he sees is LOVE.
Love is al you need.
Thank you for SHARING our message and cartoons!
It is the best gift you could ever give.
Prayers & Good Vibes always appreciated.
Below a few photos my friend Kyle took for me.
LOL - I guess it was my ‘coming out’ photo shoot!
This is me.