When I got my license someone said - what will people think? I thought “Who cares?” It is one thing to defend my son, especially when he was just 14 - and thankfully I have not had to, for me - what will people think? From the wise words of Dr. Seuss:
Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter."
It was a decision between my Dr. and I. This past 2 years I have had a difficult time with what started as a ‘twitch’. I even drew it into the strip. It steadily grew in strength and frequency. One of the first things that Dr.s were concerned about was what medications I had been taking and I stopped everything. I was at the time on an antidepressant & antidepressant enhancer! Methotrexate (self injected every week for over 2 years) *Methotrexate has infrequently caused serious (sometimes fatal) side effects. Therefore, this medication should be used only to treat cancer or severe diseases caused by an overactive immune system (e.g., psoriasis, rheumatoid arthritis). A muscle relaxant for my twitch, plus and anti inflammatory and the occasional Tylenol for pain. In just a few short months I lost over 60lbs I constantly felt like I was going to vomit. I just kept getting sicker.
My twitch took over. It starts a few moments after I wake up. It was constant 24/7 I had MRI’s to rule out a brain tumor(twice) and several other tests. For over a year I have also had botox injections on the right side of my face and head and neck to try to calm it down. The funny thing is as I was doing my cannabis research for the strip I also started to read about prescribed medications deaths and serious side effects. I watched several documentaries on this topic - Generation Rx and The Marketing of Madness are just two I suggest you watch if you get the chance. I watched them both on line I think on TopDocs. I was suggested a new medication and within days of starting it I started to get incredibly itchy from the inside out - I stopped it and that was it. I am afraid to use any prescribed medication and mostly because to date I am still not diagnosed.
There are times when my twitch is so bad it has had me unable to draw or even read as my eye pulls to one side and the pain takes over my every thought. I have had several attacks where I cannot even pray. The good news is they do not last long but I do have a couple a day. As I am going through all of this I was constantly coming across sites about brain research and Cannabis, how it is proven to shrink brain tumors and increase brain cell growth. So the way I look at it I am on the best medicine. I shake my head and look at all of this and it seems that I am on a path that does not take many detours! I can say that although Cannabis does not stop my twitch attacks completely - I find that as long as I medicate I get breaks - and it is those breaks that keep me SANE. It also decreases the pain of the attacks by about 80%. I have such a new respect for people who suffer from Parkinson’s, Tourette’s, Huntingtons, MS, Epilepsy, to name a few. All things, I might add I have read are significantly helped by Cannabis.
It has also been difficult because unlike my son who looks the picture of health ;-) (thank God) I don’t. Every time I go out in this wonderful small town and I see someone I know who I might not have seen for a few months - they look at me with shock and then if my twitch acts up I see sometimes a look of pity. It is coming from mostly people who I know care about me and - I understand. I am very uncomfortable with it though. Remember the pink Panther and Chief Inspector Charles LaRousse Dreyfus - and his twitch?
I think I look crazy! The most pain usually comes at night or when I am already tired.
Also when I am medicated I can function. It gets me up and keeps me going. When I start to get depressed from all of this it reminds me I can go and cry or I can go and draw and draw it is - do what I love. Keep busy and distracted.
The one thing I would not consider myself is “stoned” or even high. What do I do when “high” I function. I clean, cook, play with my pets, interact with my guys, do laundry, garden, wash floors, wash dogs, draw, scan, oraganize -keep in touch with the magazines and continue to try to promote Cannabis education. I try to keep busy and distracted.
Now on Cannabis every day, a couple of times a day, I can say I only consume the equivalent to a joint. I no longer take Methotrexate, have not started anti depressants - and WILL NOT! I do not even take one tylenol, I still take an anti inflammatory and a mild muscle relaxant that I also hope to stop and still have to get botox injections. I have kept my weight the same now for couple of moths but that is an effort. I have no headaches and rarely feel sick unless I have an exceptionally bad attack but that passes quickly.
This and dealing with everything else - who cares what anyone thinks. I must try to get better. It is that simple and I am very tired of feeling sick not to mention worried, so yes Cannabis is my medicine and when it also makes me feel a bit giddy from time to time... AMEN!!! It helps me sleep too! A cookie and tea at bedtime and I can now sleep though an entire night - for those with arthritis you know what a rarity that it. I am starting to feel better. My pain not as intense but I try to never let my twitch get so bad. As soon as I feel it build up I have a small puff on my mini roor (love it) wait a few moments and then I can get past it. I thank God and my son for showing me this healing herb. At first I had living proof and now we are living proof. I can tell you it was my son who asked me to consider using Cannabis because he loves and cares for me and did not like me taking everything I was.
What a journey this is. I know for one, my Dr.s are happy - I’ve talked about cannabis every time I visit and have the support of my neurologist, arthritis specialist and GP & mental health Dr. - who is also thrilled I have stopped my anti depressants. I feel like I am slowly getting better. My head feels clearer that it has for decades!! I have hope.
Everything happens for a reason. I will continue to draw and share as I learn from our personal experiences. I do not want to talk about my illness or focus on it - it has already stole too much of my time and energy the past - almost 2 years. I have more important things to do like enjoy my blessed life with my family and our pets and keep doing what I love to do most - draw. Which is what I need to do now....
Peace, Love, Health & Happiness - something we all deserve.
What ever it takes. XoX <><