Detail of a small painting I'm working on today.
I went to bed feeling confused, alone and tired.. lol considering I was alone and tired - it's not so bad. I woke up feeling refreshed, clear headed, alone and not so tired! lol It's a new day! Yesterday I was hard on myself (as usual) I don't need to listen to how people can beat me up - I do it to myself enough.
I've not talked about my twitch as much because it has become a part of my life, part of the routine.. but every now and then, for Example: when I think I'm going to meet someone I like (lol- who cares if i don't like them) suddenly my twitch is all that matters. What if.. AS if it is all the person will see. Then, I get mad at me.
Its been an interesting summer. Norm & I agree we are going our own way here, so there is lot's to think about & do - mostly moving - I really have a calm over me and I'm not sure why, I believe it's because I know it is the right decision.. If you follow this blog, Norm and I were discussing divorce just before Jim passed. Grief put things on hold. Grief does a lot to people I've learned this past year in particular. Mostly nasty stuff.. ;(
I do have friends and family who are worried - yes, because of my twitch - I informed my mom - "I'll be better than fine, I am being looked after and I believe it." ;) That's all that matters.
I'm thinking about something I've not really thought seriously about - having fun.
In general.
Playful, joking, teasing fun. I decided to try something the past week in particular...
RUN WITH IT! GO FOR IT!
I thought - what have I got to lose?
Positive imaging therapy, mental masterbation (Ivan calls it - Not sexual - just incredibly stimulating)!
I sit, close my eyes force myself to think- then I realize I'm smiling - FULL smile... the twitch might be there but I forget - THAT right there is a miracle! lol. I forced myself the past week in particular to do this exercise several times a day and - I feel better! Stronger and more determined to do what I know I need to do. Not only do I feel better but I find I'm getting longer breaks.. as long as I can keep these happy thoughts- my twitch slows right the fuck down & I guess that says it all in many ways. Not to mention the few FUN cartoons I came up with... they have me giggling!
I am doing nothing wrong, I plan on keeping it up. This is the right thing to do.
I will do what ever it takes to try to get 'this' under control- maybe thats just it- I need to lose control. I feel so grateful for the boost- it's hard to contain my enthusiasm.. I think it can frighten some - those who can't keep up. That's o.k., It has PROVEN a few things to me. I will be better than O.k. .
Watch & see.
Painting - Creating brings peace- I look forward to a future of painting, thinking pleasant thoughts! Maybe even acting on a few... lol
Today I feel fantastic and I'm running with it!
If only in my mind for now- it's the perfect place to start.
Time to paint and think happy thoughts!
'Child of God you are created to create!!'
Have faith
xox <><
I've not talked about my twitch as much because it has become a part of my life, part of the routine.. but every now and then, for Example: when I think I'm going to meet someone I like (lol- who cares if i don't like them) suddenly my twitch is all that matters. What if.. AS if it is all the person will see. Then, I get mad at me.
Its been an interesting summer. Norm & I agree we are going our own way here, so there is lot's to think about & do - mostly moving - I really have a calm over me and I'm not sure why, I believe it's because I know it is the right decision.. If you follow this blog, Norm and I were discussing divorce just before Jim passed. Grief put things on hold. Grief does a lot to people I've learned this past year in particular. Mostly nasty stuff.. ;(
I do have friends and family who are worried - yes, because of my twitch - I informed my mom - "I'll be better than fine, I am being looked after and I believe it." ;) That's all that matters.
I'm thinking about something I've not really thought seriously about - having fun.
In general.
Playful, joking, teasing fun. I decided to try something the past week in particular...
RUN WITH IT! GO FOR IT!
I thought - what have I got to lose?
Positive imaging therapy, mental masterbation (Ivan calls it - Not sexual - just incredibly stimulating)!
I sit, close my eyes force myself to think- then I realize I'm smiling - FULL smile... the twitch might be there but I forget - THAT right there is a miracle! lol. I forced myself the past week in particular to do this exercise several times a day and - I feel better! Stronger and more determined to do what I know I need to do. Not only do I feel better but I find I'm getting longer breaks.. as long as I can keep these happy thoughts- my twitch slows right the fuck down & I guess that says it all in many ways. Not to mention the few FUN cartoons I came up with... they have me giggling!
I am doing nothing wrong, I plan on keeping it up. This is the right thing to do.
I will do what ever it takes to try to get 'this' under control- maybe thats just it- I need to lose control. I feel so grateful for the boost- it's hard to contain my enthusiasm.. I think it can frighten some - those who can't keep up. That's o.k., It has PROVEN a few things to me. I will be better than O.k. .
Watch & see.
Painting - Creating brings peace- I look forward to a future of painting, thinking pleasant thoughts! Maybe even acting on a few... lol
Today I feel fantastic and I'm running with it!
If only in my mind for now- it's the perfect place to start.
Time to paint and think happy thoughts!
'Child of God you are created to create!!'
Have faith
xox <><
