I have made up my mind, I am NOT having another brain surgery. With it came ironically, a sense calm & relief.
NOT until they can say - this is what it is, and this is what we are going to do.
I have decided also... no more botox. Although botox stops visually my face from its contractions and does provide me with a rest, I am going to try my hardest to go without. It NEVER stopped the twitch, even what you no longer see I still feel inside. And it never stopped the pain when that happens as well. Am I doing it for you or me? ALSO once again as it wears off I have feeling in my face. It is so weird to feel like your face is not your face and that is what botox does to me. I can also smile a bit more normal again. ;&
I told my mom and a few others. It is not up for conversation any more. It is my head, It was not fun (on too many levels) yes, there is something obviously wrong but I have made this decision. I’m handing it over to God. I feel pretty good about my decision.
I also made another big decision... a couple of weeks ago Norm told me he was getting me my DREAM dog. A Chihuahua. A friend Norm works with just happened to mention it! Would I like a pup!?
I said NO.
I said no because I was worried about brain surgery and not being here for a new baby. SIMPLE. It hit me during the week. I said no because I am afraid of dying.
If I was not afraid I would have screamed from the roof tops!
What-ever this is. It has made me a better person, I have new respect for those with disabilities and a new determination to be better and try to do more ;-) so I woke up Saturday and told Norm of my decision so later in the day when he was e mailed baby photos - I took one look and said "O.k. Let’s go see..." I fell instantly in love. I think we all did. LOL, I was wishing our girls were with us too to meet their new baby sister!!!
You know of course I was thinking on the way there: I won’t want to leave it, what If I don’t like the family? LOL, The GOOD vibes I had from that home has put me instantly at peace! ;) My photo above I think I 'look high" lol - I was nearly in tears a few times, it was so emotional seeing that little baby a couple of days old. Oh my hands were cold so they were making noises for mom. Storm put it in his hand and it went right to sleep , same with the other two. It was so cute ;-)
I have a new baby coming home! I am so excited I feel great and I am NOT about to let anything stop me from enjoying each beautiful day God provides! AMEN! WOOT WOOT!! For those that do not support me in my decision, kindly keep it to yourself ♥ LOL.
Photos of the girls and the new baby: Driving up I asked what will we call it?
Storm: Muskie bait.
Norm: Gremlin. (If you know Norm - you knew that was coming)
Me: Precious (as 'WE' thought I looked like Golem in the photo!) LOL
Note to self... Do not let Storm take “baby’ fishing ;-)