Where does the time do - It’s October.
A usually busy time for us but after a family meeting we have decided not this year, Halloween is too much (for those that are aware) and we will skip once again. The main reason is still my health, that and Norm is busy. It’s hard to believe it has already been a year - almost, since I had surgery. I have bad days with good breaks! Those good breaks are like pure sunshine for my sole. I don’t know if I am frustrated I am still not well or frustrated for being frustrated for something OUT of my control. I am accepting the fact that this is as good as it gets, and I’m happy to still be here. When I feel really good - I get emotional lol - even Norm said “George maybe it just takes really long to recover....” The entire process has been very long - part of the battle - wear and tear.
Mornings are my best, I seem to have my longest breaks, as the day wears on it all escalates... less breaks, more intense attacks followed by exhaustion. Due to constant frustration I do have to tell people - I have been talking to people on the phone and have attacks - I can’t focus on what they are saying and - if they know me they don’t get it! - oh well.
What else do I say? I say ‘I cant talk and have to go’. CLICK.
I do not answer my phone - on bad days, EVERYTHING triggers it. Trust me - I try everything to stop it sometimes - even Cannabis does NOT stop it but is does remove pain and provide more breaks. For no reason or no set time - I will get split second jolts of pain on the side of my face, several times a day. All I can do is hold my breath. If walking and have a bad attack I have to stop. I have serious issues with balance at full twitch as you can imagine- it is so strong - it pulls me to one side when walking. I think about the teflon they inserted and hope its not wearing out ;)’
Why am I sharing this? In hopes that someone will have a clue. I have more apts. in Nov.new specialist - I will go to hear what he thinks. From all this, I learn the most. About myself and others. I am thankful that I have been able to do what I have the past few years as sick as I have been.
I Thank God for the courage to keep trying, for being able to forgive those around me who do not understand and to choose to live and create each day in a way to say - I and THANKFUL to be alive - how can I help?!
We have been invited to Thanks Giving diner - so I made Poppy a new dress! She loves it. So many of us think we are here for dogs. Dogs are here for us. I noticed when during the day and have attacks - I stop what I am doing and focus on them - it eases me through it. Keeps my mind off of dying.
I am loving Poppy - we all are. She has filled quite a void.
Norman has a new job!!!! He starts on the 23rd! I cannot tell you how happy that makes us and I will tell you why in a few weeks, after stuff settles down - You won’t believe it. It is Cannabis ignorance at it’s finest and we experienced it first hand.
Until then... it’s back to the drawing board.