Sometimes I am not so nobel. Yesterday, I lost it.
For weeks I've been fighting with Norm, the furnace would lock at 64 during the days- 66, and I could not get it to turn up. I feel the cold.. so, I stay in my office with the heater or go to bed to stay warm.. unbelievable. You know how you walk over to the fridge & keep opening it - expecting something delicious to magically appear inside - that's how I felt looking at that thermostat, longing for 70 & a warm nose. At about 4:30 yesterday... I walked over to the thermstat- (which he claims is working fine) I see its 64, and I instantly reached up and ripped it off the wall and smashed it to the ground. In hindsight I'm suprized I didnt thow it on the ground and do the Mexican hat dance on the f*cking piece of crap. It was done before I even realized what I had done. I walked away and went to paint.
I lost it. Control.
Norm came home, was pissed - so what, and replaced the thermostat- with one he had in the garage (he designed them when we met- so I'm sure he has a couple) and the furnace now works fine & all it did was piss me off more.
Weeks of fighting, what else is new.. ignored until I would not be ignored anymore.
Pushed until I exploded - then seen as the 'bitch', again. Fine by me.
I'm warm but its colder around here still.
It had me thinking... how we snap.
How people are capable of snapping and hurting each other- if Norm had been standing in front of me my frustration (& I admit - it is MY frustation) would hve smacked him across the face... with the thermostat. In my mind anyhow.
Yes, that makes me a monster for even admitting it - what made me this way?
I do not like feeling like this.. I'm human. Cold and frustrated - I had a mini meltdown.
It's not the thermostat - its constantly being ignored and dismissed.
My bad. I will correct.
Smash it to fix it?
Light bulb moment.
Seriously though... had he fixed it when I asked him weeks ago- it would not have excalated to what it did, it literally took him 15 minutes to fix.
I remind myself to be patient, God is looking after me and it will all go, as it should.
I remind myself to be humble.. I'm made of earth, I make mistakes - all the time. I get tired.
I have a temper, we all do and like you- when pushed you will probably see it.
I am working on it, truly, all the time. Can you say the same?
I want to be better than no one except the person I was yesterday.
I remind myself to be nobel- God created me to create- not to stress over thermostats...
to rise above & keep moving forward.
It's time to paint.. a project that will take a few days.
Time to withdraw & draw.