My dad is gone, I think of him off and on.. I pray fathers day is not too hard on others on my mind and in my heart, who no longer have their dad with them.
It is just another day. If you have been blessed by a good dad - they are with you always.
It's just after 11 and it's not been a good day, a reminder of why I'm ready to share.
It's overcast, I've been up since 5 and it's taken me this long to fell good enough to blog. Physically. Blogging takes thought and effort - especially on the more difficult days.
Let alone a difficult blog.
The video I posted was one recorded while at my desk drawing. Although I have constant twitching/zapping and mini jolts of pain, I have added attacks that come at any and all times (except sleeping). Recently I was told we can't find anyone to help. I can tell you hearing it' and thinking it' are different things and although I thought I was prepared - I guess I was not and the thought of living like this everyday became suddenly daunting again. If I let the idea linger in my mind for any time tears flow.
Try to take anything you like to do - cooking, drawing, reading and take a pencil and jab yourself in the head (causing your eye to constantly shut closed) every few seconds (*several times a second) and continue your task. 5 years...
Now add to that the added sessions where you heart races, your head pounds, your brain can't seem to do exactly what it was doing so carelessly only seconds before, you get a sharp stabbing pain that goes from the top of your head to your heart - Like you've been impaled
suddenly and it repeats, quickly, several times over. My face aches so much I have wondered if this is what done cancer must feel like ;( . It makes me stop & hope I make it out the other side. EVERY time. That alone messes with my mind daily.
Let alone how it feels- LOL HOW t looks? PLEASE - when Tyra banks is being hailed because she appeared without make-up - Finally! - But PLEASE! Big deal Tyra. When in attack, I can't swallow my food, I can't chew, I drool not to mention one side of my face is contorted to one side. Pain is obvious. Make - up. I could care less bout make-up.
What do I do? Do I take serious narcotics - that will just numb me down, Ive tried pain pills - during this - the odd one here and there and all they do is take me somewhere I DO NOT want to be... depressed on the sofa. Pills only add to my balance issues, after reading more on the woman who was knows as a 'wobbler', it worried me - when I'm walking mid attack I too have that exact sensation - of wobbling in my head and you see it in my balance - I start to stagger. I never new the other condition existed. It WAS caused by a medication she had been prescribed. I think about this all the time since doing some research and learning about Tardive Dyskinesia:
Heres the thing... did you know there are medications that have serious side effects.
Not everything works the same for everyone and do you want to be a statistic?
If not for my son, husband and few who show me love and support, listen and share this madness the past few years - I don't think I would still be here.
I would not wish this on any other human. READ SIDE EFFECTS OF ALL MEDICATION
Trigenial neuralgia is on the increase. You tell me why?
The more I read - the more I will stick to CANNABIS.
*ADD stress to this mix and look like I am having a stroke. ;( My pain and exhaustion overwhelm, I go from chair, to bed to gazebo mode. Usually it takes 2 days just to function again. By function I mean draw, do dishes, straighten up - not getting high and having party.
Rona Ambrose, Health Canada, Steven Harper, Peter Van Loan turning Canadians into terrorists against each other with their lies, propaganda and bulling well thats just the 'cream of the crop'. <Simple. All, literally make me sick to my stomach, as I read about little baby girls dying in Canada., while her mom fought to access her cannabis for her seizures.
Judging people on what they choose to help them heal!? Forcing Canadians no other alternatives but pills, PROVEN to hurt and even kill.
Here is the link of what I am dealing with.
If you know of anyone that it might help - please share. I believe - Cannabis keeps me going. It keeps me creative and helps me focus on all that can be good. I don't wan't or need anyones pity. I hope to bring awareness. I do ask for continued prayers and good vibes. I get so emotional after each attack, I have also learned how to ride them out as calmly as possible- I don't like to worry my guys all the time. I don't know, would help everyone if I did what my body wants to do - hold onto my head and scream, curl up into a ball until it's over? I don't think so.
All I can do is keep learning what I love, painting, drawing & creating - it is how I change my brain. It is how I excite my brain. Focus on making fun/beautiful items instead of dwelling on ANYthing negative. I am walking better! Poppy has accomplished that! She loves to walk & lead me- she is so well behaved and I'm proud to take her out. For now - that is enough.
Tomorrow it is back to painting and life.
xox Have faith <><