Edible Mushrooms!  Covid has taught me to become more self sufficiant.. especially after a trip to the grocory store and noticing a lack' of certain items & noticing what I MISSED when I could not  run out for a few things.  I missed fresh mushrooms - we eat them often.
Lately, I feel so blessed it almost confuses me.  I think I'll go search for a trillium and there it was - off the driveway.  

I mentioned to Norm 'I want to find some edible mushrooms' - walked again, down my driveway and spied all these new mushrooms that had appeared, encouraged by 2 days of rain - I sent Storm a photo (former Foray director for the MST)  he replied:
Dryad's Saddle- Edible
OH MY! A basket full- right off my driveway!
Not 10 minutes later, sizzling in a pan with butter & were absolutely delicious! 
Google Dryad's Saddle - or Pheasant Back Mushroom on how to find, prepare & save for later, dried.  Now is the time to go looking!  The youtube I watched suggested the tastiest are no bigger than the palm of you hand - yes, tasty they are.
Food- provided by nature.  Amen.
I also put another intention out to the universe recently &  that DREAM too is coming true! It's a big deal (to me) - so I'll save it for another day!

It's a difficult time to feel blessed...  covid, death, cancelations & NOW images from the USA  are difficult to see &  KNOW, what they are dealing with - I GET it!  
When is it going to stop? IF this is what it takes - this is what it takes.
I get it and agree with the protesters... clearly, NO one is doing anything about black people being killed for NO REASON. George Floyd was murdered - tortured in front of many in broad daylight on the street- by police.  The two rednecks in Georgia- that killed the jogger 

Perhaps 'an eye for an eye'...    will be the only way people will start to SEE.

Tying to figure out how to address  feeling  anger & frustration & feeling blessed at the same time...  The solution for me is to try to paint,  paint and go out in my beautiful backyard to witness all Gods blessings & pray for better days.  
​Prayer changes things- believe it or not.

Good luck if your going to go out & hunt for some Dryad's Saddle, mines going in an omelette next!  I'm also slicing and drying for a later date. 
I'm making these mushroom art finds' & including maps on the back so next year I'll know where to look .. lol
 I don't think I'll forget that these grow right off my driveway.   Blessed.

With TLC & THC
​me

The perfect sign for this Covid-19 summer!  My deck is decked out - weeeeeeeeee!!
I knew when we bought the house it needed work & who better than Norm & I?  I fell through the old deck last year (rotten in a couple of places) and 1/2 was missing completely so stepping out the studio, I stepped out to rocks and a tiny  (not well made) bridge' to the bird deck  -was an accident waiting to happen - so DECK DAYS!!  lol
I designed the new deck and Norm got to work & it turned out Fricken fantastic- exactly what I wanted - a dream come true!

It's mental HEALTH Monday - want to know what' s  MORE stressful than covid?  
The fucking government not making up their mind!!  Wear a mask- don't wear a mask..  stay home - it's o.k. to go to to a beach/park and pack like a rock concert - Holy! WTF?  
Will the death number go UP these next couple of weeks? I think so.  
I think, I am excited to stay home and chill on the deck allllll summer if need be  & now...

Norm rocked the deck! Don't think it was all fun and games- he has me as the foreman' and everyday I was up and out of bed yelling :It's deck day!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!!  
60ish - one man one week! Ripped out the old - ppoured cement! Dug holes. shovelled rocks, cut wood.. carried wood (LOTS)  predrilled, drilled and customised - to my exact specifications! Fuck ya! Look at the railing we made. hee hee.  & yesterday, he made the mistake of starting something new- the deck could wait...  so he thought.
 NO, it could not and the bear in me let him know it. I've lived 28 years with unfinished projects at the last place- not happening here!!  A bit of grumbling - he finished and Im so happy - Im deck dancing with dogs!.. I decked it out with plants- Norm then build us a fantatic table from old pool table feet someone gave him years ago & a found cedar door that was on the property.  It won't blow over & we don't care if it gets wet.

I love my deck & Norm for building it for me- I am not an easy going client or wife - hahaha
I make sure he's not taking too long of a break and up and ready to rock at 8 a.m.!  & I don't love him because he built me the deck (in record time). I love him because he'd stop and wash the dogs, stop and make ziplock candle holders from the left over cement with me, ingnore me when I 'lose it' and yell due to the mess  I'm having to step over - lol, as I survey the job! hahaha!

Yes, he loves me too - big time.  
The proof of our love is in the details of our home... look at that railing. hee hee.
It's a differnet love than it was 28 years ago (OMG - 28 years!?)  it's stronger...  it should change - it does change. The lovey dovey crap- gone... the loyality & love for both the men in my life - watch out- mess with my son or husband and you'll meet mamabear.  I don't know a harder working guy & I'm glad he's here - even thou some days I tell him to:
Get out of my face!  
Love is.

We talked about all 'this stuff' before Norm moved here & we continued this journey together... I dont know anyone else I could live with, art with - we are a good team.  Time to paint a portrait, plant a garden & chill on my lovely dream deck!  The  bird railing is for art, provides the illusion of being up high, it's only 2 feet off the ground!  
Time for a nice glass of  grape juice with soda & a big fat joint our on the deck!
 
For my mental health - I'll stay home to avoid confusion and germs!
I'll keep busy & garden, draw, paint & explore. I'll nap too. 

With TLC & THC
​Georgia

Yeah!  It's mental health Monday!  
We are still in a semi state of emergency with Covid-19 anxiety & depression are at untimate highs'. The weather is getting nicer and restrictions are carefully lifting.  Still concerned,  I'll  be  cautious - I  want it over.. so I can hug my son, mostly.    I think I've been better than fine mentally' other than a few triggers' - TRUMP anything is a trigger for an anger meltdown for MANY!

I struggle some days more than most, yesterday was one of those days.   Mothers day.
Joyful - the best day of my life, the day I became a mom! I've thanked the universe everyday.
I've not seen my  mother for over a year.. close to two & won't be spending anytime with her anytime soon... if ever again. Yes, I'm sure that sounds harsh. What's more important - health or being concerned with the opinin of others.  Others who  frankly, don't have a full understanding of the situation.  I've had to tell people to stop saying things like: "She's your mom..." or "you only have one mom.."  these statements kept me in a relationship for far too long that was NOT healthy.. at least 54 years. 

I'd like to make something very clear..   I love my mother. We have been through stuff, more than most.  She taught me to be a fighter,  no one can deny.  
What I no longer tolerate is her abuse - caused (MOSTLY) in part due to her issues with depression & ALCOHOL abuse.  I've no doubts my mother consumed large amounts while pregnant with me... it's a no brainer, when you understand the situation & I finally, really might.    She was NOT in a good place when she had me, most knew it.. no, ALL new it.  
It was no secret  my mother partied hard, drank and was not afraid of anyone including men whe would physically fight with in bars - the stories were often shared, accompanied with laughter. I don't find the stories amusing anymore.

I spent most of my childhood & ALL of my teens, trying to figure out that I did to make my mother hate me so much.  She resented me being born & I paid for it many times over because she was MENTALLY ILL and struggling.  Constant verbal abuse, physical abuse & neglect. Lots.  Weekly beatings - usually after a night of drinking out with all her friends & family my mom would come home and took out all her frustrations, anger, resentment & jealous out on me. Everyone knew what she was like and never intervened..  WTF?
As I became older & understood that, resentment built. It's why today, I am fine distancing myself with ALL family. 

This blog is to help any teens, adults who suffer with depresseion & arent sure why - cut yourself some slack! Think about it.. chances are YOU know why!
 We don't- we are taught to take pills and put our emotions away.. shhhhhh.  BUT it doesn't GO away!  It festers and comes out in many other ways.  Some become hurtfull, vengeful, nasty.. it comes out with health issues, relationship issues and more.  I do blame my mom for my twitch partly... pehaps from one too many beatings - all of which she doesn't remember - (BULLSHIT) because "I was drunk.."
Is there any wonder why I have a hatred for alcoholics - I know it's the ALCOHOL.  Still, 
No one poured it down her throat. WE ALL make choices and some choose the same thing OVER & OVER for decades EVEN though they are AWARE of the pain they cause.

Don't force it away- deal wtih it, think about it so you can sort it out and say:
IT WAS NEVER ME! & then focus on what you can do to make it better because YOU DESERVE better.  Mother, father, sister, brother- aunt uncle - are all just words'. SADLY, commonly many of us ARE abused BY those closest to us - family.  It's NEVER o.k.    ON ANY level.  Acknowledge it  - this is the trick! By acknowledging it I am prepared to deal with it' & possibly even CONTROL it.  

I knew yesterday was going to be BAD.  Mothers day - a day I celebrate & cringe - I was READY - Fuck COVID... No Storm visiting..  it was an emotional day so I had this monkey ready to go - PREPARED to paint- FORCED myslef to paint!  All day - I avoided depression. Fuck depression - I have monkeys to paint. 
I turned into a pondering primate in the pasture hee hee hee, and enjoyed the day - if only in my mind... the place place to BE.

If you are constantly trying to figure out what you do, to piss someone off- it's not you.
Get some distance from that person. If you are being abused GET away from that person.. the sooner the better.

The drawing below created curing a Psilocybin experience, I was OVERrun with past memories all at once, & felt I desperately NEEDED to draw them to get them OUT of my head!   I think that was the MOST important  "philocybin experience" I've had, although painful - emotionally & AM very grateful for it now.. it ended it.
Once & for all... It made me SEE/understand - It was NEVER me.  I feel better.  
Stronger.  Excited more to ENJOY every day.
Psilocybin mushrooms for PTSD - THANK GOD! 
* I've also been very blessed with a fantactic mental health doctor & friend for 15+ years, who had supported and encouraged anything & everything to help me 'BE' better.  ;) 

With TLC & THC - more on Mental health next Monday.
I'm starting a new mini portrait today - one that makes me smile EVERY time I look at it.  Painting myself happy- is the way to BE. 

with TLC & THC
Me!

Below an excerpt from the night of sketches on mushrooms..
a memory from my first trip to Disney in my teens.

There's a little monster in us all..   I have one.
How do they get there.. I'll tell you how. We are taught.
They call us 'Little Monsters' but forget, they help make us that way.

Yesterday, it was visiting.. big time, my little monster.  
It came with a warning for Norm : Leave me 'Be today. 
He knows when I say that, to listen.  He did.  Thank God.. cause my monster was ready to rip someones eyes out. I needed to sooth the beast because I AM AWARE when it's there. NOW.  It only took 56 years to spot it.  With the help of natural medicine.

I stayed in bed all day in silence. 
I cried  for little me & I apologized that there was not 'someone like me' for me, back then.
Then it hit me.. wow.    How awesome, I have turned out to be - me.
I had words I've been waiting to hear my entire life.  
I'm sorry.   "I'm sorry,  I knew.. We all knew."   
I roared back:  I know you knew! How could you not know!!?  
WTF did you think was happening?  Bedtime stories and snuggles.  HARDLY.
YOU fuckers ('adults' all aware & too)  & yes... shame on you,  ALL of you who knew.  
You can live with it.  But I get it. I get being caught up in our own world & problems. 

Then the words:   You raised yourself.
Yes, I did. 
Pretty much...  

Fuck yeah! I did a fantastic job - all things considered.
I am so grateful for that phone call - I needed it.
I needed to know - someone knew. Thank You!  Confirmation.
Validation.. vengeance even.
& God knew I was ready...  
I have forgiven & finally, too fucking wise to forget.
I forgive you all!  I'll prove it by living a great 'rest of my life.

I also KNOW Cannabis has helped me with PTSD.
Psilocybin Mushrooms made me AWARE on a unplesant but NEEDED trip..
It was never me.  I was & am - a gift.  Created to create.. watch me.

I'm going to share some past experiences (it's time) & call them 'Mental health Mondays!'
Not to shame or 'OUT' , to educate about mental health & how we can HELP oursleves &
MORE - help children. 
Anyone one who suspects child abuse & you don't speak up..
watch out..  those little Monsters grow up, quite often & understandably with a little grudge.
Some little monsters grow up to be immoral, cruel monsters that kill, terrorise and make others suffer- for the  suffering they might have had themselves as children.  Fact.
They don't draw/paint it out - they shoot it out, or beat it out - of others.
It's a patterns that repeats itself for generations too often and it's fucking sad & inpart avoidable.

I am LOVED. I am a Child of God.
God has ALWAYS protected me and shall continue to do so!
I was NEVER alone.

I raised myself.

Tomorrow, I'm going to treat myself to a wonderful mothers day!
I won't see my son but we'll face time and I KNOW how much he loves me
& tells me I am the most caring, thanful person he knows & he loves me, MORE! 
Everyday is mothers day with my son. 
I wonder what I'll paint myself for mothers day!? Ohhh I'm excited! lol 
What helps calm the little monster in you?
​
Praise Jesus and thank you for never leaving me when everyone else did.

With TLC & THC
Georgia

I'm feeling a bit bummed and stumped as to why...    hee hee hee.
I'm stumped the USA lets that IDIOT  speak, still.  Inject disinfectant. Wow.
The first cartoon I did of him implied: If Trump becomes president blood will be shed in the USA...   unbelievable.  TURN it off.  Get rid of him.

A good friends mom passed from Covid 19. Maries mom - many know Marie from when she helped me at my booth at the EXPOs, she's been a wonderful friend & terrific support from the beginning.  I'm blessed to have her in my life.  Her mom was in a nursing home. I had several conversations with Marie over the years and it was a difficult decision she made after YEARS of trying to do it herself.  I know.  She is heart broken, she was very close to her mom.  Her mother is just one of many..            Changes must be made.   

Pray for strength for all those who suffer because they have lost someone & can't even grieve properly.  
Celebrate every GIFT. Every day.

Norm knows I like these stumps & he gifted me 2 as we sat outside,  I drew  a bikini on one as we talked about our current "Nightly movie watch".  AGAIN.
These torso,  had me giggling all night & are inspired from a famous movie scene...
Beach scene obviously. 
Can you guess?   Now, they  rest on  my coffee table and make me SMILE!
I think I have an idea to even take it up a notch.. hee hee hee. They "crack" me up.. lol 
Make yourself smile.  
'James and Pussy'  will be just the start of a few of my new painted collection.
Still stumped??

​Dr. No
James Bond & Pussy Galore...  now sit happily on my coffee table.

Stay HOME.  Blow your nose & Wash your hands.   Give thanks. xox
Happy Sunday, I hope I made you smile. xox
With TLC & THC  Georgia 

​

Rise & SHINE! I don't know what day, month or time it is - I just know - it's time to get up and get going! We were created to create & a pandemic, where we are ALL forced to sit at home - is indeed a wonderful opportunity to FLOURISH!  Florish I did - in my bedroom. haha
I worke up & thought I'm painting! I have huge pocket doors  that lead into my bedroom - I love pocket doors. Now you see em - now you don't!  
I like to open them a crack and say to the girls "Peek a boo!" & close them... they (we -lol) find this highly amusing & they come running! I just decided Im painting - the hardest part was wondering - what!? In my bedroom,  did I want a message of dreaming? NOPE!  
I've spent too many years asleep - - - RISE & SHINE! Awake I'll be.  Created to create!
The Robin - the early bird, gets the worm! The first sign of spring for many - I saw mine weeks ago (I think we had a lying Robin) reaching for the nest, the 3 eggs representing new ideas, hope, life & God, Jesus & the universe.  The bright beautiful blooms year around to brighten each & every morning with hidden words of LOVE.   For me.  Yes!  Perfect medicine for this Covid-19 bug.  
 
What would you paint? I was really pleased with how it turned out- it looks lovely in the morning as the light starts because you see the blooms and bird slowly appear.  I needed it too  I need a Norm break. I'm sure many do...  need a break fom their partners.
I just need space. & time to myself to NOT think. Not communicate.
Silence  with the exception of birds, ducks, trees.. is golden.
I went in, closed my doors and painted my new isolated frame of mind - Inspired. 
Have a peek below.

I have no idea of the date or time, the past few, I've felt even sadder  ;(  I did not even paint yesterday - (gasp)  due to the shooting in NS... how devestating. Talk about pre-meditated. HEART breaking for all those Canadians cowering in their homes.  How did no one see this coming?  All the sadness in such a stressful time already - I've no doubts the small community is reeling.  Nasty, EVIL POS human... "mentally ill... sick" they'll say,  FUCK THAT - NO!!! The level he went - the details, he was far from sick - just FUCKED UP  & I'll never mention his name.  These people deserve NO attention.  NONE.
I'm glad he's gone.

Rise & Shine!! Choose - what will I do today - add more surrering to my own life & the lifves of others or Shine- Create, lift others up?  Yes, it's stressfull times but we can all do a tiny bit to make it a little brighter.   With TLC & THC
Next - art catch up. 420 Monkeys & some monkey business remarks'.

With TLC & THC
​Georgia
 

Home sweet home.. where I am warm, flu free & keeping busy during these new times.
I had a headache yesterday - & tried to take a break - difficult to do when the world is under quarintine - more so when you realize many Canadins are not home... Canadians I know.

I learned of several a the day wenton- I know how worried I am as a mother (all of us) -worring about my own son, whom I told at the start of this- stock up! I't's going to be a pandemic - but he did not listen to his mother - what else is new... and left it till the last minute. That's frustraiting, so I can only imagine how my friend feels - her son stuck in California!   It was/is March break in Canada- so timing was not great- ACTUALLY -
had OUR Government ACTED SOONER - as they were aware of the problem in China..  many would not be stuck & scrambling now with inflated airline tickets and panicked airports full of such humans.  Once home- I hope people take the 2 weeks self quarantine seriously.

I know people who are currently ill,  sick  "it' just a cold - (I think) ..." they claim,  stay the fuck home - it's just a cold.  It's careless to  behave as such during currently times- I don't care "if it's just a cold - (self diagnosed) stay away.   What does it take for people to understand?  Don't go out and spread it around - it's that simple. 

What's not simple is stressing over $, food or illness...  someone complained they are getting grumpy with no cannabis- (already) and it's bothering his sciatica - wow. I KNOW people who can't afford food right now for two weeks quarantine, are worried about not making rent - since they can't work - let alone money for cannabis.   So if you are getting grumpy because you don't have cannabis - take a look around you, I bet there are people in unfortunate situations with much bigger concerns right now than bud.    

I hope I am wrong (really) about the thoughts I have of the direction this  is going..
8 weeks easy. Longer for schools and retirement homes. etc.. 
We are currently in week - one?  I take anti inflammatories, my wrist so sore as I type- I would not be able to paint  without & Italy is warning against them- stating they believe it makes the Corona Virus worse... what to do.. ask my wrists.  I need to paint.

I need to paint and keep busy & give my own brain a break today, no social media.
All I can do if think positive, pray for the safe return of all I know..  and Be here now- grateful for another opportunity  to hang out with my dogs - all so excited for another daily  quiet quarantine adventure!  

I love this community, talk about 'make you feel better'.. if you can't get out, are worried you can have your groceries delivered free by the Rotary club, people offering all sort of assistance.  You can still buy online from local business - I noticed a kombucha creator advertising -free local delivery!  I sent an IG message & had my kombucha delivered to my door! 6 pack-  the lovely young man Luc, removed the log in my driveway (I was going to meet him) he said it was very easy - yes, for him. lol    We greeted- "no shaking hands"   a
& I NOW have the best Kombucha I've ever tried! Really.  
It's all I drink (my wine in the evening)  and this orange turmeric is TERRIFIC!  If you like kombucha I highly recommend Luc's Brew , what a nice young man too!  I'm impressed with his  Brew, his attitude & business creativity.   

I am also a fan of Canoe Radio!  Boy oh boy do they have a difficult time - it's one thing to live this but to educate the masses as we go along... not an easy task. If you want to hear what my community is like with great music - listen to Canoe.

Be safe.
​oh, this kitty being created- today, on my instagram account.

Even a monkey can do it- WASH YOUR HANDS.   SOAP KILLS.
What an awakening this is.

I don't get the mindset of some - whom, I 'thought' were intelligent...
I saw someone I know  post out at a bar on social media-  Hooplah! Cheers! It's all a big joke. In particular, I know this person has grandparents - I know the grandparents & I don't want to see them get sick due to some selfish, immature 20 year old who thinks they are immune' - so who give a fuck about others. WTF is wrong with some people. I felt bad for their mom.  FEAR or Stupidity.  Still...  & If you think I am the only one thinking  it - think again.  I  was disappointed to say the least & shut off IG.  
This shitty behaviour will ruin careers when this is all over. Wait & see.

Places determined to stay open for March break reak of desperation for that last buck instead of the concern for our extended famalies.  People will remember how others behave & the decision a business makes.  Another business I purchase from -  the owners are  planning a big drunk - St. Pattys day party -  they share on social media...  wow.
 
I will never do business with that organization again... if this is how they really behave - I am glad to know it...     in a crisis where people are getting sick & dying - who are you?
Think no one is watching?  BUZZFEED last night had "13 photos of the worse example of humanity, currently" - ALL photos of mindless drunks lining up to celebrate St. Patty's in a crowded public bars.. wow.       Try not to judge, it's difficult.
I have a friend I'm very worried about in the city.. her health not good, I can imagine her thoughts at this wrecklessness attitude. Is it becaue only the old are dying?  
WAKE the fuck up - WE all get old and if not now - I guarentee your time is coming.. lol  
one might want to anticipate the furture a wee bit... it has a tendacy to be repeated.
This won't be the last pandemic.  

I looked further into people in prison - if you know any - now is the time to say "hello!!"
It is not good-  a prison is not designed for this - the opposite actually. In NY they are considering releasing inmates over 60 - for fear- keeping them in prison is a death sentence with this Corona virus.  & Some don't have soap. In NewYork the prisoners are actually making the hand sanatizer - they are not permitted to use - it's illegal. That's fucked up.
 If they get sick the reality is - someone who gets sich NOT in jail will get preference over someone in jail. NOT everyone is in jail for murder or serious harmful crimes- some only stupid stuff... & the anxiety levels in jail will be at an all time high, with less communication & little to NO interaction from the outside.  

Be thankful you have not chosen a life of crime.  Talk of forced lowering the phone bills (extortion at it's finest - I know it cost me more to speak to my brother in jail for 10 minutes - than 2 hours in Norway) is one suggestion - but it's just talk.. things need to be addressed now.  I don't think that's going to happen.  Im thinking of so many my head hurts.
Stress, even here in our Eden is creeping in.  Please wash your hands & say your prayers.
Clearly we can not rely on ALL other humans to lead by example - but you can... lead by example.   

I'm going to try to make some lovely art to distract, educate.. posible make someone smile. That's the plan. 

God Bless.

It's a mixed emotions day.. 

Excited! Last night we woke - through closed windows - to the sounds of wolves howling!  In my backyard for at least 5 minutes.. it was unbelievably cool.  Ginger was glued and shook for about 30mins after.. poor thing. I assured her she is safe inside, snuggled with mom.  It did have me realize exactly how 'in the wild we are... I wonder if I would have seen them if I got up - next time.  I never let the little dogs out alone - they are alwasy with their big sister & I don't let the dogs wander. AS soon as the ground thaws we build a completely contained kennel' with a dog door into the house.   It will be good for them to be able to go out & pee at all times- although I can't complain, my girls are well trained and only go on pee pads when in the house. In the bathroom  (where we all go)  ;) 

Disappointed & upset...  I had art in my porch, I have a lot of art in my porch...  
Do you remember the sign I painted shortly after moving in - that said "Leave all shit outside... Dog shit, bear shit and bullshit... well, it's gone.  
Somone decided to own it, which mean someone took it from me- I DID NOT 'GIVE' it to anyone.   Thief.   It's that simple.  Who does that?
When invited to someones home & you take stuff that DOES NOT belong to you - you are a thief.  Recently, I  had company & after they left I noticed a 'few' small items gone - like books etc - perhaps my sign too..  I asked  for the items to be returned but have had no reply - and people wonder why YOU NEVER invite them back  - wonder no more.  
What message do you send to the universe today?  
I never steal.  I don't lie.
I'd rather tell someone the truth & have them 'not like me' than to lie and disrespect myself & them.  If I had to steal it- 'unless it's food and I am starving' - (by the grace of God this has never been the case) -  I don't deserve it.
It won't happen again, Norm installed a camera that lets us know  the second anyone even enters our porch.. sucks we had to do it -  it sucks more people take what does NOT belong to them. I hope the thief enjoys my art - and never forgets how they got it...  the universe won't.  There are people I will never have visit here - they know why.

Mental health & mushrooms. Psilocybin - well even Dr. Oz is NOW telling of the wonderful effects of psilocybin mushrooms. Google if you don't believe me.             Thank God.  
Gods medicine once again will be what heals the planet - not mans medicine.
Mushrooms have helped me where no one else was able to break through. 
Mushrooms taught me to LOVE myself.  Mushrooms taught me to LIKE myelf.  
I mentioned the other day my childhood, being told I was not wanted, as long as I can remember.  I share this' to educate as I know - I am NOT alone... too many feel the same & don't quite understand why.

I was brainwashed to think I was unlovable. Being told this by a parent in particular is confusing to a child (and abusive)... being told often as I was, I had it literally beat into me at times...  we start to believe it. It had caused problems my entire life of not trusting the fact that 'anyone could love me'.  I've even struggled with the notion some days - my son doesn't love me.  He does.  
It was mushrooms that taught me the opposite.  Believe it or don't.
I'm not getting anything from sharing- some might still (those uneducated) think - shes a stoner on mushrooms- think what you want.  I thank GOD for the first time in 56 years I KNOW - it was never me that was the problem.   I was a gift from God.
I am a gift from God.
Thanks to mushrooms today I'll paint, not be depresed - instead I will  paint because I understand - through our creations we extend our love.

I made this mushroom painting to dangle in the sunlight it also has a ball that catches light hanging from it.;) on the other side is a matching eye'.  It's painted with iridescent paint -so it's really pretty in the sunshine.
It's titled - 'It's just an illusion.'  It is for sale $60. + shipping,  if interested - let me know.
Have an inspired day!!
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