I had just won the art award in highschool & was at my grandma's when a family member remarked "We always knew you were going to be an artist! You use to paint the walls with shit!" ...several looked at each other and laughed - I did too.  

I laughed until I understood.  Then I cried.
I had heard this a few times as I got older, you see I thought it was kinda funny... taking off my diaper & drawing on the walls with my shit - how creative of me! I guess I was born an artist.  It wasn't until I realized - much later in life - this was a very common occurance and many had found me covered in caked on shit.. sitting in my crib with shit on the walls.
It was not a one time thing.  It was a sign of serious neglect.  

My mother did not care if I shit myself.. apparently I would be found  and someone would take pity & bath me. I should consider myself lucky she did not give a shit about me being covered in shit.. I doubt she would have been any more atttentitive or loving with me in the tub - washing off the shit.   Some shit never washes off. 

I hear stories of people when they are little and they are cute & loving.. I think awwwww.
This was not my childhood.  I know I spent way too much time alone, my entire childhood.
I try NOW to understand EVERY thing happens for a reason but still I struggle - what was the reason God- I was given to someone who did not want me or love me?  So, at the age of 56 I can still be effected by this SHIT and brought to tears- UNTIL I remember - NEVER AGAIN - will I give that person the satisfaction of ever treating me like SHIT again.  
Yes, I will continue - so every Monday is a reminder to me & hopefully to others..

I know my mother was seriously struggling with depression & was an alcholic, that does not make it an excuse to abuse your child.  Are you depressed? Is you child suffering because  it?  GET help. 
Are you a family member who sees a child being neglected?   WTF?    HELP MORE!
Are you an adult now, still haunted by your childhood memories?  
Acknowledge, understand - IT WAS NEVER YOU!  Breath and go create!
You are a child of GOD- still here for a reason! Go create - Be joyful - that is the best success  & way to thank God.  I'm glad I was such a creative tiny being who was able to amuse myself painting with shit.. lol 
NOW, I paint to forget shit.. once I start painting  - all disappears, Thank GOD.
People alwasy comment on the amount I paint..  I paint to keep painfree - in more ways than anyone might imagine.  I focus on what & whom I love NOW, those who don't love me - can focus on what ever the fuck they want - who needs people like that in their lives?
NOT ME.  
Next week - playing HOOKEY!  Day's I got to stay home...... yippie.

Aren't you all glad I can NOW afford paint!?   hahaha  
Fuck that past shit!
I'm going to not give a shit while I smoke some really good shit  (thanks Son!)
& contemplate what kinda shit I'll get into, next.

;)

I NEVER, ever let my son sit in a dirty diaper. Not once.  
I gave him paint while he was still in diapers. I loved him with every breath, still do.
He liked to play in the dirt more... clearly with Love his passion GREW!  hee hee
& yesterday I painted 'a gardeners prayer- inspired by proverbs & the bible...
I'll share tomorrow.

with TLC & THC
​Me.

It's a holiday & I was considering taking a break.. then realized- that's part of the porblem.  No one wants to hear this shit on a holiday, take a break...  Does abuse take a break?
Fuck no - it's escalated on holidays, so Cheers!.

I was taught to hate holidays. I still do.. or rather I hate the usual celebration that accompanies them - Excessive Alcohol consumption. Time to get 'shitfaced' - it's a holiday tomorrow...  Good day for a hangover.  That's how we think  (how I use to think).. too many do, still.  I struggle with most "celebrations", I usually just act like it's just another day- because in reality, it is.

At 18 I was given a raise, my first real job 'Talent Showcase' (hiring extras for music videos and movies being shot in Toronto & area) I was thrilled! & it was a good raise!! My then boyfriend, Adraino was taking me out for dinner and dancing & to celebrate! I just wanted to run up (I lived in an apartment) & change..  change I did.

I went straight to my room, got on my favorite current dress a raw silk, black & white, simple yet classy & great to dance in... on the way out  I was asked   "where are YOU going?"
I didn'nt speak much as my mother was usually drininking and I didn't want to set her off- not that it took much on my part.  
​I relpied excited (because I was):   "I got a raise & Draino is taking me out to celebrate!"
My mothers response...    " A raise?!  How does your bosses cock taste?"    
Yep.   No, I do to forget it, those words.   Because, you know - I could not have possibly been good enough at my job to deserve a raise.. clearly, I had to be fucking him in her mind (I was NOT HER though - I did not suck my bosses cock or fuck him - ever) I told her to "fuck off" and proceeded to leave.. Nope.  
I was tackled, punched until I cowered on the floor, hair pulled, make up slapped off my face.   Called the usual array of names: cunt, slut, fucking whore..   My stepdad sat & watched (inebriated as well)  he TOO, knew better than to intervene with her intoxicated hatred towards me.  I was beat repeatedly until Draino opened the door, he came looking for me wondering why I was taking so long, (thankfully) and yanked that bitch off of me and held a fist to her face & said  "If you ever touch her again I'll punch you in the fucking face because she won't"  and pulled me out of my apartment.
He was never allowed to visit again.  I was humiliated, we broke up soon after.  
She remembered what he said but not what she did & SHE NEVER EVER said SORRY.
All I ever got was "...I don't remember I was drunk."  
FUCKING LIES Drunks tell us & themselves.

We did not go out dancing, my dress was torn and my spirit defeated.. again. I was use to it. I was harder because Draino saw it.   I was ashamed when my friends saw me getting beat up - as IF I had actually done something wrong.  The look of shock on their face - overtime was hard for me to see.  That's what happens when you are beaten as a toddler. You are taught to be ashamed.. I must be bad if my mom is hitting me again.
That's how it was was with every celebration in my life..  EVERY thing she could - she added misery to.  She was miserable ALWAYS,  I was going to be too.  So, why not share on this holiday MONDAY...  abuse will be higher today & that is a fact, whether you choose to ignore it or not.  If you see someone & you think "they should be celebrating",  back off - perhaps  they do not have as much to celebrate as you 'think'..
​I use to get 'that too   ..."why aren't you happy??"   Buzzkill..    yep, quite often my buss was killed - but not by me.

The day I got accepted into school/college (you know how exciting that is!) was the same thing...  I went to school in tears because I had got accepted & she said  'I wasn't going.. she wasn't going to pay for me to go & draw'.  My teacher (Mrs Lockhart) helped me with paper work and I received a grant & loan.  I  never got any encouragement from her EVER, not once did she ask me what I was doing in college EVER.. I only lasted a year.  
​I wondered if I had gotten just a bit of encouragement,  if I would have stuck it out.  Oh well. 

So, if you are an adult & celebrating with alcohol On this Holiday - try not to over indulge - not if your going to become abusive and give your children holiday memories they'll never forget. Or do- the choice is yours... if your children hate you when you are older- remember- the CHOICE WAS yours.   It's still difficult for me to "celebrate" anything.. I have a fear in me that sooner or later something or someone will say something negative...   beat it into me, still. 

I will celebrate this glorious day- by painting, checking on the animals and just enjoying the moment. Grateful to e HERE NOW.  Painting Iridescent Eve in the garden... next.

with TLC & THC 
​Next week,  how everyone KNEW I was going to be an artist- yay!  lol 

I had a light bulb moment or as I like to think them now,  a new level of awakening.
Triggers.. it's funny what 'triggers memories' and past experiences, maybe it's a song on the radio which reminds you of a special date or someone in your life, an old T-shirt - reminds you of that concert you went to when 17! A photo- can bring you right back to the date, memories can be a wonderful thing.  Memories can also be brutal.  As well as making you feel all warm and fuzzy- they can make you feel physically ill - decades later. 

I'm learning to 'embrace' these triggers as difficult as they are instead of ignore them, ignoring them only suppresses them to return to a later date. Instead I will acknowledge, ponder and understand  & say to myself: Way to go girl! You rose above that TOO!

Who was intimated by 'mean girls ' in high school - I bet many.  Not me.  My 'mean girl' was at home waiting to teach me a lesson or two.

One morning my mom was drinking her "special tea" which she said helped her keep slim...  I made the mistake of asking if I could have some, not quite comprehending the concept of the slimming tea' & how it worked.  I had my tea & went to school.  I was in grade 9.
I recall feeling very sick and  left school only to shit myself on the TTC.  I got off the bus for fears of others seeing or smelling me.   I was wearing shorts- it was a hot summer day.  
I walked home and the shit dripped down my legs into my shoes,  occasionally buckling with cramps... crying all the way. 
 
My mom, thought it was hysterical and laughed a great deal, she also shared with a few that I had shit myself. I was 15.  I was humiliated, again.  Who does this to their daughter? 
It was not until I was older to understand - other moms did not take pleasure in humiliating their daughter like this.  My mom never said "you look cute", "how was your day?".. " what did you do in school  today?"...  "Im sorry you shit yourself... for that was not my intent."     It was, it was her intent. She was an adult & knew what would happen to me drinking that tea - still she let me & let me go to school without any warning.
I  looked cute in my shorts.. until I shit them.  I threw them out. 

She was always telling others I was mentally ill.  
Regrettably, BUT understandably  I was diagnosed as bi-polar' in my teens, which she only used againts me further - convincing others of her terrible plight- 'dealing with me'.  I was not bipolar- I was fucked over mentally since birth by someone who hated me and proved it constantly.  I was not the one who was fucked up.   
The abuse was NOT always so obvious- the beatings were obvious,  the mean 'mind fucks' - not until I was older.  I remember this, sometimes simply  -when I see a teabag in a cup.

I am happy for these memories NOW- these are here for a reason... to keep me awake.  Safe.
They show me how far I have come and remind me - I am exactly where God wants me to be.  Keep my distance.  Grateful like you can't even comprehend. Give thanks.

People have asked me - why didn't you tell anyone? Why don't you?  I didn't want to hurt my mother, part of the brainwashing.   This is not about 'hurting' my mother,  if it was to hurt her, reading this - OH well- we shouldn't have been such a fucking cunt.
This is about explaining abuse & pray others SEE, learn & understand & STOP judging others and what we don't know.  Not all abuse is beating physically - much is beating and wearing down others mentally.

Stop telling kids:
You only have one mother..  (or father).
It was those words (guilt from people NOT aware) that kept me being abused well into my 50's. Now when someone says that, I immediately respond: Thank God for that! One mother like that was enough.  
I was ashamed to tell others how much my mother hated me...because they could not understand.  I could NOT understand.  
They saw what they wanted to see.  
They believed what was easy for them to believe.

Time for a cup of tea, I treat myself to good tea! I like citrus flavours especially.
Then I'll finish a portrait and  start a new one of my son & a goat..
I've had a few very difficult days- that's o.k... I understand why.  I try not to be so hard on myself when I get overwhelmed - it's easy to understand why, now.  
​
​Please try to show someone a little understanding- even if you don't.

​with TLC & THC - FOR me from ME! 

143,311 do you know how mnay times I had to read that number because of disbelief.
Thats how many have died in the USA & rising.
Yet, places continue to open... like Disney world. WTF?  
In Canada the number is close to 9,000 deaths.
We do no thave to population the USA does - still. 
It is shocking to watch - I don't understand how so few can care, drinking, pool paties.. babies becoming infected in record number in Texas.  Arizona is bringing in mobil morgues and its business as usual. The American Government is FUCKED UP - The rest of the world see just how much.  Careless behavious when we still know very little about covid- we know it kills.  Fighting over masks- political 'leaders' ONLY add to the confusion.
The saddest part is who is dying - those already suffering.

I learned a new word in 2 languages...  it is directed at the Political LEADERS & those who refuse to wear masks.   The nurses, Dr.s, all who are wearing masks and care about others- yo have my symptahy. A thousand people are dying  a day in the USA currently - That can't be true.. can it? And Trump golfs.

Some of my inmate friends think: this is the ends of days (expressed in their letters)  
I don't know how to resond sometimes. I know being cooped up is a big difference than being caged up during covid COVID,  I can read their concerne.
I share - I don't think it's the end of days.. just an end of being blind - to many issues.

I lose sleep lately over all I think about.. all the people I have met and know NOW, in the USA.  I'll do what I can - if only continue prayers- lots. 

I had a awakening  (amen- thakful)...  tomorrow, I'm practicing what I preach.

                                   Teach Only LOVE , that is what WE are.

& made a new sign for the end of our drive way.

With TLC & THC
​Georgia 

Yesterday, I met the neighbours - officially.  
I heard this crazy commotion and walked to the end of the drive way to see MANY trees being cut down at the end of our driveway.. HEALTHY TREES. You all know how I feel about my beautiful driveway - I've shared countless photos, when I walked up I saw many young maples and EVERYTHING else had been removed I was in SHOCK!  & it was FAST AND furious- he had an entire team - it was cleared away in about 20 minutes. I walked back to get my camera- and back up! Some old man, (worker) before I could even say anything - said OUT LOUD ( for me to hear) :
You think she'd be happy about the road being cleared!  
Wow- that told me, they knew I would be upset- Fucking 'sneaky' is what it was.  

I asked the Neighbour - WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?? 
He immediately started yelling  (& he is a VERY big boy - over 6 feet easily, meant -NO DOUBTS, to intimadate)  "I OWN this road!!! I don't have to tell you anything!"  I've got it on video.   I asked him why he was going onto our property and cutting all the trees
 "I OWN IT!!"  & THEN, GET THIS: He actually threatened to SUE US for cutting down that GIANT dangerous tree (I filmed it in slow motions - remember?)  that was on the end of our driveway- what a fucking JOKE!  Clearly that tree had been there for years and he NEVER CARED THEN ABOUT THE ROAD! He also saw us cutting it down and never said one word- suddenly, now  he's going to sue us??  He is no more than an ADULT bully.  

I also met the other neighbour - for the first time.. she stopped to give me her
"unbiased opinion",  of course siding with the bully, watching him yell at me & threaten to sue over the DEAD tree we removed.  How lovely of her to finally  stop - especially, since I've been here ONE YEAR, saw her pass countless times and NOT ONCE did she even roll down her window to wave 'hello'.   NICE Neighbours.  So welcoming..
I'll stick to the wolves & bears - at least I know how dangerous they can be.

So, yes.. this morning I walked up and left them a note- which they have seen. 
Thanking them for the lesson - clearly they have no clue/care of the meaning of neighbourly.  He could not even take 5 minutes to tell me what he was doing or why - BECAUSE HE KNEW HE what he was doing WAS SNEAKY!
BULLY who  "OWNS THE ROAD!!!"

The fact that he plays his music through loud speakers (everyone who visits comments) shows his LACK of disregard for anyone in the area- including his own children's hearing.  No doubt the noise decibel is causing serious hearing loss to those in close proximity  (including employees), forced to listen.  I know about hearing loss in children.

Below are photos of his destruction - so concerned for the road but happened to leave the garbage on our property and the dead tree across the road. He only had intention to clean in front of our place & open it right up.  Just a NOSY neighbour bully, I hope he gets his  fill - since he's so curious. I'll make sure I sun my buns in HIS direction.  The last photo is how I spent the rest of my day - in FUCKING PAIN, my eye would not even open, in bed by 7. 
MAKING ME STRONGER!!!  Intimade me??!
BIG BULLY - he has no clue of how fucking STRONG I AM!  
OR how strong my faith is. 

Yes, we are having the property surveyed.  
The DAMAGE IS DONE - It will take YEARS for the trees to grow back - if at all.  
​Ignorance at it's finest.
I have friends in high places, I'll rise above.. because, I would never want to behave as LOW.

With TLC & THC
Georgia

Bird died.   I cried.
I've had bird since January 2015, I trained him to fly free - first in my office - then he'd explore my bedroom  & fly downstairs at the last house, when he wanted company.  Bird had a huge personality and would smack my guests on the head - if he liked you.. some it took months, others minutes before you'd be ducking as bird did his flyby'.   Bird hated when I cried.. he'd fly in my bedroom & stare (glare at me) as if to say: Enough.. get up and keep going.  

He'd call out!  Sounding like a car alarm and chirp until I'd say- I hear you bird!.. or I'm right here bird, come see me... & he would.  He's fly in my tiny studio & sit on my easel, desk lamp or his favourite spot - my tiny desk ROOR bong- lol (he love sitting on my bongs).   

Storm & I were able to hold bird and snuggle him and he liked it. I'd kiss him on his beek and he'd peck me back - very gently & he could pinch, if he wanted to.  Most amazing- Bird never flew away.  I would go out and wander in the woods only to return (hours later) & notice ! I forgot to close the screen door when I left! My heart would beat faster until I saw him. Usually sitting on top of his cage looking at me again as if to say: Where the fcuk did you go?! I was worried.  He also told me when the fire went out I guess sensitive to the heat from the chimney - he'd start chirping until I'd get up from my desk to see what all the comotion was about- until I noticed a pattern- It was time to throw a log on the fire. Ask Norm, he'll tell you - it's true.  

I cried until I gave myself a headache and fell asleep.  I'm still teary and can't help but notice the lack of  chirping & singing.. it will take a bit.  I knew it was coming tho.. I told Storm, when he was here: Birds not been himself lately.
He'd fly & land on the floor lately & that was not normal & he was not singing as much.
I read when I got bird,  they usually live 5 - 15 years.. I wished I had the 15.

The one thing that helps me is: I LOVED BIRD & BIRD knew it..  fresh hemp daily (organic),  fresh greens all year long! It was a given 'Birds salad'- always mixed greens - organic! He ate what ever I ate (mostly - only safe things)  because he could fly & was a powerful flier he did not get obese.  A slice of apple or pear daily, he loved sweet potato... so Bird was spoiled.  No wonder he never flew away.   I know I will miss him forever.. I do not think I can or will replace him. 

I was grateful that I started this  chicken painting "commotion in the coop" & decided to honour Bird, by NOT laying around feeling sad - paint.  
Charles Schults, said not being able to create at all times, was for amatures.
Our gift is never gone.  Learn to use it at all times & it will help you most through the most difficult times.  Life has bad days and good days and really sad days...  
God teaches us many lessons, for many reasons.  What did I learn.
I was good to Bird & Bird loved me as much as I loved his tiny little self.

I was educated on how  tiny Birds can love & care for us Humans... how many can say that?
Bird was  a gift from God I was incredibly grateful to experience.

with TLC & THC
Georgia
​

Covid Surcharge - or tax... ?  Phhhhhhbt!
If I visit a business & they charge me a 'covid surcharge' or tax I will turn around & leave without my purchase.   Are you kidding me?  
Business owners better think twice.   Did I create this pandemic?
Am I responsible for making others sick or closing your business??      HELL NO.
I have been shopping (carefully with a mask) trying to support my community - take out from several places so everyone gets a bit..  yes WE are ALL in this together but if you think you are going to make me pay for 'it',  guess again.
To chage people extra because YOU are a business owner, lets face it therefore you must be  better off than MOST... if you own your own business..  am I wrong?  
WHY punish your CUSTOMERS who ARE ALSO infact, struggling.  
Nope. Don't do it!
Not only that.. actions will remember, long after covid is complete.

Will covid ever be complete? I WAS so proud of Canada until I saw photos for all the selfish
that decided it was a great day to hang out at a park in record numbers. I didn't see anyone over 50 in the photos.. perhaps the older are wiser.  Probably just more afraid of dying.

Covid-19 $$$ - have you applied? It appears there is money for all. I did not apply, I am grateful to God for all I have and know others need it more than I do.  I asked a friend tho if she's applied, I KNOW she needs the help as she is in a wheel chair. NO- the disabled are not being helped in covid times. NOT only that but she IS in a wheelchair (MUST be) and NOW, wheel trans says she can't bring anyone to help her get groceries!!!   What a fucking joke - she is wearing a mask, has to ride an elevator, can't get around or stay away from others 6 feet, like most of us.  YET, look at all those COVID IDIOTS in the park.  I have NO doubts many applied - got money and DON'T NEED IT.  She WHO NEEDS the help cant get fucking help!?  already living below the poverty line.  Now that YOU have read this  please mention it to someone.. it needs attention - OR we are NOT 'in this all together.' 
 
​Finally, a friend I've know about 2 decades on social media only  & become snail mail pals too, has had a battle with cancer like no other and she is a fucking warrior. Over the years I've watched this woman run marathons, LOVE her hubby -it made me jealous at times, work hard, support others who had cancer before she did, made gifts for many people including me, christmas ornaments.. she is so thought & kind a couple of years ago we decided to meet- I invited them to visit...    Recently, she did not go to the hospital due to cover fears  and now her cancer has reappeared -  I can't even.   :(
She's not doing well... so for all you - all over the world who want to hang out in a park  because your bored and don't give a fuck for others safety - YOU are slapping my friend who IS fighting for her life in the face and I am not happy about it.  FUCK COVID!!!  
And all of you who are behaving selfishly in these times.. do you understand how karma works?  

                                       Stupid is as stupid does. ` Forest Gump

We can't even bury our dead with more than five people. 
Pondering primates in mushroom cap caps are more intelligent that most of us.

Georgia

Yeah!  It's mental health Monday!  
We are still in a semi state of emergency with Covid-19 anxiety & depression are at untimate highs'. The weather is getting nicer and restrictions are carefully lifting.  Still concerned,  I'll  be  cautious - I  want it over.. so I can hug my son, mostly.    I think I've been better than fine mentally' other than a few triggers' - TRUMP anything is a trigger for an anger meltdown for MANY!

I struggle some days more than most, yesterday was one of those days.   Mothers day.
Joyful - the best day of my life, the day I became a mom! I've thanked the universe everyday.
I've not seen my  mother for over a year.. close to two & won't be spending anytime with her anytime soon... if ever again. Yes, I'm sure that sounds harsh. What's more important - health or being concerned with the opinin of others.  Others who  frankly, don't have a full understanding of the situation.  I've had to tell people to stop saying things like: "She's your mom..." or "you only have one mom.."  these statements kept me in a relationship for far too long that was NOT healthy.. at least 54 years. 

I'd like to make something very clear..   I love my mother. We have been through stuff, more than most.  She taught me to be a fighter,  no one can deny.  
What I no longer tolerate is her abuse - caused (MOSTLY) in part due to her issues with depression & ALCOHOL abuse.  I've no doubts my mother consumed large amounts while pregnant with me... it's a no brainer, when you understand the situation & I finally, really might.    She was NOT in a good place when she had me, most knew it.. no, ALL new it.  
It was no secret  my mother partied hard, drank and was not afraid of anyone including men whe would physically fight with in bars - the stories were often shared, accompanied with laughter. I don't find the stories amusing anymore.

I spent most of my childhood & ALL of my teens, trying to figure out that I did to make my mother hate me so much.  She resented me being born & I paid for it many times over because she was MENTALLY ILL and struggling.  Constant verbal abuse, physical abuse & neglect. Lots.  Weekly beatings - usually after a night of drinking out with all her friends & family my mom would come home and took out all her frustrations, anger, resentment & jealous out on me. Everyone knew what she was like and never intervened..  WTF?
As I became older & understood that, resentment built. It's why today, I am fine distancing myself with ALL family. 

This blog is to help any teens, adults who suffer with depresseion & arent sure why - cut yourself some slack! Think about it.. chances are YOU know why!
 We don't- we are taught to take pills and put our emotions away.. shhhhhh.  BUT it doesn't GO away!  It festers and comes out in many other ways.  Some become hurtfull, vengeful, nasty.. it comes out with health issues, relationship issues and more.  I do blame my mom for my twitch partly... pehaps from one too many beatings - all of which she doesn't remember - (BULLSHIT) because "I was drunk.."
Is there any wonder why I have a hatred for alcoholics - I know it's the ALCOHOL.  Still, 
No one poured it down her throat. WE ALL make choices and some choose the same thing OVER & OVER for decades EVEN though they are AWARE of the pain they cause.

Don't force it away- deal wtih it, think about it so you can sort it out and say:
IT WAS NEVER ME! & then focus on what you can do to make it better because YOU DESERVE better.  Mother, father, sister, brother- aunt uncle - are all just words'. SADLY, commonly many of us ARE abused BY those closest to us - family.  It's NEVER o.k.    ON ANY level.  Acknowledge it  - this is the trick! By acknowledging it I am prepared to deal with it' & possibly even CONTROL it.  

I knew yesterday was going to be BAD.  Mothers day - a day I celebrate & cringe - I was READY - Fuck COVID... No Storm visiting..  it was an emotional day so I had this monkey ready to go - PREPARED to paint- FORCED myslef to paint!  All day - I avoided depression. Fuck depression - I have monkeys to paint. 
I turned into a pondering primate in the pasture hee hee hee, and enjoyed the day - if only in my mind... the place place to BE.

If you are constantly trying to figure out what you do, to piss someone off- it's not you.
Get some distance from that person. If you are being abused GET away from that person.. the sooner the better.

The drawing below created curing a Psilocybin experience, I was OVERrun with past memories all at once, & felt I desperately NEEDED to draw them to get them OUT of my head!   I think that was the MOST important  "philocybin experience" I've had, although painful - emotionally & AM very grateful for it now.. it ended it.
Once & for all... It made me SEE/understand - It was NEVER me.  I feel better.  
Stronger.  Excited more to ENJOY every day.
Psilocybin mushrooms for PTSD - THANK GOD! 
* I've also been very blessed with a fantactic mental health doctor & friend for 15+ years, who had supported and encouraged anything & everything to help me 'BE' better.  ;) 

With TLC & THC - more on Mental health next Monday.
I'm starting a new mini portrait today - one that makes me smile EVERY time I look at it.  Painting myself happy- is the way to BE. 

with TLC & THC
Me!

Below an excerpt from the night of sketches on mushrooms..
a memory from my first trip to Disney in my teens.

There's a little monster in us all..   I have one.
How do they get there.. I'll tell you how. We are taught.
They call us 'Little Monsters' but forget, they help make us that way.

Yesterday, it was visiting.. big time, my little monster.  
It came with a warning for Norm : Leave me 'Be today. 
He knows when I say that, to listen.  He did.  Thank God.. cause my monster was ready to rip someones eyes out. I needed to sooth the beast because I AM AWARE when it's there. NOW.  It only took 56 years to spot it.  With the help of natural medicine.

I stayed in bed all day in silence. 
I cried  for little me & I apologized that there was not 'someone like me' for me, back then.
Then it hit me.. wow.    How awesome, I have turned out to be - me.
I had words I've been waiting to hear my entire life.  
I'm sorry.   "I'm sorry,  I knew.. We all knew."   
I roared back:  I know you knew! How could you not know!!?  
WTF did you think was happening?  Bedtime stories and snuggles.  HARDLY.
YOU fuckers ('adults' all aware & too)  & yes... shame on you,  ALL of you who knew.  
You can live with it.  But I get it. I get being caught up in our own world & problems. 

Then the words:   You raised yourself.
Yes, I did. 
Pretty much...  

Fuck yeah! I did a fantastic job - all things considered.
I am so grateful for that phone call - I needed it.
I needed to know - someone knew. Thank You!  Confirmation.
Validation.. vengeance even.
& God knew I was ready...  
I have forgiven & finally, too fucking wise to forget.
I forgive you all!  I'll prove it by living a great 'rest of my life.

I also KNOW Cannabis has helped me with PTSD.
Psilocybin Mushrooms made me AWARE on a unplesant but NEEDED trip..
It was never me.  I was & am - a gift.  Created to create.. watch me.

I'm going to share some past experiences (it's time) & call them 'Mental health Mondays!'
Not to shame or 'OUT' , to educate about mental health & how we can HELP oursleves &
MORE - help children. 
Anyone one who suspects child abuse & you don't speak up..
watch out..  those little Monsters grow up, quite often & understandably with a little grudge.
Some little monsters grow up to be immoral, cruel monsters that kill, terrorise and make others suffer- for the  suffering they might have had themselves as children.  Fact.
They don't draw/paint it out - they shoot it out, or beat it out - of others.
It's a patterns that repeats itself for generations too often and it's fucking sad & inpart avoidable.

I am LOVED. I am a Child of God.
God has ALWAYS protected me and shall continue to do so!
I was NEVER alone.

I raised myself.

Tomorrow, I'm going to treat myself to a wonderful mothers day!
I won't see my son but we'll face time and I KNOW how much he loves me
& tells me I am the most caring, thanful person he knows & he loves me, MORE! 
Everyday is mothers day with my son. 
I wonder what I'll paint myself for mothers day!? Ohhh I'm excited! lol 
What helps calm the little monster in you?
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Praise Jesus and thank you for never leaving me when everyone else did.

With TLC & THC
Georgia

I'm feeling a bit bummed and stumped as to why...    hee hee hee.
I'm stumped the USA lets that IDIOT  speak, still.  Inject disinfectant. Wow.
The first cartoon I did of him implied: If Trump becomes president blood will be shed in the USA...   unbelievable.  TURN it off.  Get rid of him.

A good friends mom passed from Covid 19. Maries mom - many know Marie from when she helped me at my booth at the EXPOs, she's been a wonderful friend & terrific support from the beginning.  I'm blessed to have her in my life.  Her mom was in a nursing home. I had several conversations with Marie over the years and it was a difficult decision she made after YEARS of trying to do it herself.  I know.  She is heart broken, she was very close to her mom.  Her mother is just one of many..            Changes must be made.   

Pray for strength for all those who suffer because they have lost someone & can't even grieve properly.  
Celebrate every GIFT. Every day.

Norm knows I like these stumps & he gifted me 2 as we sat outside,  I drew  a bikini on one as we talked about our current "Nightly movie watch".  AGAIN.
These torso,  had me giggling all night & are inspired from a famous movie scene...
Beach scene obviously. 
Can you guess?   Now, they  rest on  my coffee table and make me SMILE!
I think I have an idea to even take it up a notch.. hee hee hee. They "crack" me up.. lol 
Make yourself smile.  
'James and Pussy'  will be just the start of a few of my new painted collection.
Still stumped??

​Dr. No
James Bond & Pussy Galore...  now sit happily on my coffee table.

Stay HOME.  Blow your nose & Wash your hands.   Give thanks. xox
Happy Sunday, I hope I made you smile. xox
With TLC & THC  Georgia 

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