Happy Chinese New Year! The year of the rabbit. Predicted to be the year of Hope! I hope!!
I struggle with painting rabbits & horses & dragons... I always have, they don't turn out like I'd like, still I attempt. I try.
I hope, they will get better each time & this is what hope is about.. keep trying. Keep persevering.
What is your Chinese horoscope sig? I am a Wood Dragon. It's going to be a good year. Next year, I'll be 60.
I'll be 59 soon.. it had me reminiscing this week & that's not always pleasant. A memory about a male 'superior' (phhhhbt), who abused his power, in a very toxic environment that was allowed to thrive - even encouraged.
I was telling Storm how many times when I was younger, I had 'unwanted advances', constantly & it was exhausting, often frightening. All the time, everywhere, even on buses, waiting in lines & especially at bars - where I went just to enjoy time with friends & dance. Unwanted advances from friends, boyfriends friends, with people I knew & strangers, several occasions advances from employers- my 'superiors'. One instance in particular was at a 'job', which fuelled the 'Pac' mentality and inspired & encouraged, bad behaviour. I hope to this day, things have changed and such toxic enviornments have advanced, but it doesn't always appear to be the case.
The woman I am today, would have told those fuckers to leave me alone & go home to their wives. It was admitted, I was hired at this job' for my looks.. Paid to socialize, look good... screen the customers & assign salesmen (saleswoman' never lasted long). Looking good came with a price, one I paid dearly for. Putting up with NON stop, 24/7 sexual harassment, constantly teased & mocked. I remember feeling very ill & asking my 'superior' if I could leave, I was going to have my friend drive me to the hospital. His response "Why? To have that mattress surgically removed off your back?!"
Nice Eh? Just one of many derogatory comments, made daily.
I was constantly tormented, the brunt of many jokes. Another memory, during a meeting one guy asked another 'where his (newly shaved off) facial hair went (while on vacation golfing) - he told them "I left it in Georgia." (the state) That was enough to have me laughed at & tormented for days. I acted as if nothing bothered me then, it was a defence mechanism. It did hurt, more than I even understood. It was toxic & 'tolerated' from the top down, 'I can think of at least 3 other woman who left in tears, while I working there. I had suicidal thoughts while working there & spent a few weeks in the hospital, admitted by my Dr.. When I 'returned' to work, I was ashamed, weak, tired, vulnerable, exhausted from their constant barrage. I left soon after. Here it is, almost 40 years later & I can still feel the pain, humiliation from that JOB. How many employers abuse their power? How many people struggle decades later from the acts of others? Many.
I was an attractive young woman, who like ALL of the men I worked with, enjoyed partying, drinking, dancing, flirting & then some (my body my business) - which was all o.k. for them (even the married ones), but not me.
If we "women" (even the married ones - I was single) enjoyed ourselves, we were automatically deemed sluts' or whores. Double standards. Whores? I know who the 'whores' were back then... none female.
I can hold my head high, knowing what I know now. I am (we are) children of God, created in the image of God - who is anyone, to tell you otherwise. It was not me who behaved badly back then... & I do share, especially for anyone out there *putting up with crap just to earn a pay check, do not tolerate abuse, it only gets worse, continue to rise above when you can - with love. Things will improve, for you. Have HOPE. Trust God & Gods timing.
If you ever are in a position to be considered a 'superior '- fucking act like it.
Be the mentor you are expected to be, not a tormentor. That's how I will remember this person, because of his constant hurtful actions. Forgiven - yes, as he is nothing' to me now & not providing a pay check, forgotten - nope. We are just walking each other home & some absolutely do work harder, for their money, we are here to serve & help each other on the journey.
I have hope for the year ahead & hope I'll get better at painting bunnies. Patience & practice.
We all teach & teach all the time... what do you want to be remembered for 40 years later?
Created To Create!
I struggle with painting rabbits & horses & dragons... I always have, they don't turn out like I'd like, still I attempt. I try.
I hope, they will get better each time & this is what hope is about.. keep trying. Keep persevering.
What is your Chinese horoscope sig? I am a Wood Dragon. It's going to be a good year. Next year, I'll be 60.
I'll be 59 soon.. it had me reminiscing this week & that's not always pleasant. A memory about a male 'superior' (phhhhbt), who abused his power, in a very toxic environment that was allowed to thrive - even encouraged.
I was telling Storm how many times when I was younger, I had 'unwanted advances', constantly & it was exhausting, often frightening. All the time, everywhere, even on buses, waiting in lines & especially at bars - where I went just to enjoy time with friends & dance. Unwanted advances from friends, boyfriends friends, with people I knew & strangers, several occasions advances from employers- my 'superiors'. One instance in particular was at a 'job', which fuelled the 'Pac' mentality and inspired & encouraged, bad behaviour. I hope to this day, things have changed and such toxic enviornments have advanced, but it doesn't always appear to be the case.
The woman I am today, would have told those fuckers to leave me alone & go home to their wives. It was admitted, I was hired at this job' for my looks.. Paid to socialize, look good... screen the customers & assign salesmen (saleswoman' never lasted long). Looking good came with a price, one I paid dearly for. Putting up with NON stop, 24/7 sexual harassment, constantly teased & mocked. I remember feeling very ill & asking my 'superior' if I could leave, I was going to have my friend drive me to the hospital. His response "Why? To have that mattress surgically removed off your back?!"
Nice Eh? Just one of many derogatory comments, made daily.
I was constantly tormented, the brunt of many jokes. Another memory, during a meeting one guy asked another 'where his (newly shaved off) facial hair went (while on vacation golfing) - he told them "I left it in Georgia." (the state) That was enough to have me laughed at & tormented for days. I acted as if nothing bothered me then, it was a defence mechanism. It did hurt, more than I even understood. It was toxic & 'tolerated' from the top down, 'I can think of at least 3 other woman who left in tears, while I working there. I had suicidal thoughts while working there & spent a few weeks in the hospital, admitted by my Dr.. When I 'returned' to work, I was ashamed, weak, tired, vulnerable, exhausted from their constant barrage. I left soon after. Here it is, almost 40 years later & I can still feel the pain, humiliation from that JOB. How many employers abuse their power? How many people struggle decades later from the acts of others? Many.
I was an attractive young woman, who like ALL of the men I worked with, enjoyed partying, drinking, dancing, flirting & then some (my body my business) - which was all o.k. for them (even the married ones), but not me.
If we "women" (even the married ones - I was single) enjoyed ourselves, we were automatically deemed sluts' or whores. Double standards. Whores? I know who the 'whores' were back then... none female.
I can hold my head high, knowing what I know now. I am (we are) children of God, created in the image of God - who is anyone, to tell you otherwise. It was not me who behaved badly back then... & I do share, especially for anyone out there *putting up with crap just to earn a pay check, do not tolerate abuse, it only gets worse, continue to rise above when you can - with love. Things will improve, for you. Have HOPE. Trust God & Gods timing.
If you ever are in a position to be considered a 'superior '- fucking act like it.
Be the mentor you are expected to be, not a tormentor. That's how I will remember this person, because of his constant hurtful actions. Forgiven - yes, as he is nothing' to me now & not providing a pay check, forgotten - nope. We are just walking each other home & some absolutely do work harder, for their money, we are here to serve & help each other on the journey.
I have hope for the year ahead & hope I'll get better at painting bunnies. Patience & practice.
We all teach & teach all the time... what do you want to be remembered for 40 years later?
Created To Create!
