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On my fucking mind...  'not  fucking listening'

23/2/2019

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I have been asking Norm for an electric knife for over a year (possibly two), he says I have not...    I asked (YELLED) at  him THEN to: "LOOK at my fucking hands..."
It's NO joke & No, I'm not being dramatic - I can't peel a banana 'MOST' days without pain.
I can't cut bread, onions,  oranges or any FUCKING thing & it's frustrating!!  
I've cried, begged & complained until I'm fucking blue in the face, then I get up and do it all over - EVERY DAY- because nothing's changed.  
It is never ending... he just doesn't fucking care.  Really. 

That OR  - I GUESS HE think's I'M LYING!?   No...  he is not blind,
he JUST does NOT care.

He is NOT the one in pain & even though I have expressed this countless times... 
he doesn't listen, after 27 years I'm no more than a fucking fixture, a nag, just complaining about something cause I have nothing better to do,  just the someone who's looked after him for 27 fucking years and  I AM DONE.   I QUIT.  RIGHT NOW! -  Officially here.
Fuck Norm.


LOOK AT MY FUCKING HANDS - even strangers can see!!
He turns his face  away. Pretends he does not SEE.
I had to beg him to change door handles, beg him to make me a special cutting board,   (according to him "we can't afford these special arthritis things"...  my life story with him) he still has NOT put up a bar so I can get myself out of the tub safely  - I asked for that SIX months, easy - or a railing to the front hall - ALL these things a professional home care worker ALSO stressed I NEED - I know I fucking need them... as much as I hate to admit.  DO not forget he is a 'Professional handy man' and this stuff takes no time for him at all. 
HE does NOT CARE.

THAT is the Norm I live with...  
I recently admit how bad my brain pains been lately & I seriously want to try  "PLEASE 'GO fagrance FREE  with any thing you buy for the house'".. what does he come home with only hours later - a giant tub of washing detergent 'OCEAN fucking BREEZE' fragrance!
Have you seen the  STINK on Netflix?  
It's thought provoking and slightly alarming  but most people already realize how certain smells can instantly cause them to feel nauseous or give them headaches now, so I do see fragrance being removed from many items.

Do you know when this will mattter to Norm?
My "husband" of 26 + years who I made fucking lunches, dinners, cleaned his fucking laundry & then some - sucked his &^%$#*&^# for decades! Let's be blunt - it's all part of 'marriage' &   >>>  I can't get a fucking electric KNIFE!!?  <<<
BECAUSE he DOES NOT listen & it's killing me - LITERALLY 
-
I did not need 'scientific research' to tell me this.

When Norm gets a fucking neurological disease​ or severe arthritis that causes 'HIM' fucking pain daily  that's when NORM will CARE.
​That's when shit will get done.

I SEE other husbands 'who go through' stuff with their wives.. I am in awe. 
I AM constantly yelling  "YOU don't fucking LISTEN!"  EVEN - I AM tired of it!

Is it any wonder I STOP speaking to him?
Is it any wonder I stop speaking?

With TLC & THC
​G

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