I laughed until I understood. Then I cried.
I had heard this a few times as I got older, you see I thought it was kinda funny... taking off my diaper & drawing on the walls with my shit - how creative of me! I guess I was born an artist. It wasn't until I realized - much later in life - this was a very common occurance and many had found me covered in caked on shit.. sitting in my crib with shit on the walls.
It was not a one time thing. It was a sign of serious neglect.
My mother did not care if I shit myself.. apparently I would be found and someone would take pity & bath me. I should consider myself lucky she did not give a shit about me being covered in shit.. I doubt she would have been any more atttentitive or loving with me in the tub - washing off the shit. Some shit never washes off.
I hear stories of people when they are little and they are cute & loving.. I think awwwww.
This was not my childhood. I know I spent way too much time alone, my entire childhood.
I try NOW to understand EVERY thing happens for a reason but still I struggle - what was the reason God- I was given to someone who did not want me or love me? So, at the age of 56 I can still be effected by this SHIT and brought to tears- UNTIL I remember - NEVER AGAIN - will I give that person the satisfaction of ever treating me like SHIT again.
Yes, I will continue - so every Monday is a reminder to me & hopefully to others..
I know my mother was seriously struggling with depression & was an alcholic, that does not make it an excuse to abuse your child. Are you depressed? Is you child suffering because it? GET help.
Are you a family member who sees a child being neglected? WTF? HELP MORE!
Are you an adult now, still haunted by your childhood memories?
Acknowledge, understand - IT WAS NEVER YOU! Breath and go create!
You are a child of GOD- still here for a reason! Go create - Be joyful - that is the best success & way to thank God. I'm glad I was such a creative tiny being who was able to amuse myself painting with shit.. lol
NOW, I paint to forget shit.. once I start painting - all disappears, Thank GOD.
People alwasy comment on the amount I paint.. I paint to keep painfree - in more ways than anyone might imagine. I focus on what & whom I love NOW, those who don't love me - can focus on what ever the fuck they want - who needs people like that in their lives?
Next week - playing HOOKEY! Day's I got to stay home...... yippie.
Aren't you all glad I can NOW afford paint!? hahaha
Fuck that past shit!
I'm going to not give a shit while I smoke some really good shit (thanks Son!)
& contemplate what kinda shit I'll get into, next.
I NEVER, ever let my son sit in a dirty diaper. Not once.
I gave him paint while he was still in diapers. I loved him with every breath, still do.
He liked to play in the dirt more... clearly with Love his passion GREW! hee hee
& yesterday I painted 'a gardeners prayer- inspired by proverbs & the bible...
I'll share tomorrow.
with TLC & THC