Art is healing. In February, my TN took a turn for the worst.
Added stress with the pandemic and some interactions with a couple of nasty humans did not help. It never goes away, not one day, not one hour. It has started to wake me up up again & becomes quite consuming… so powerful it has me staggering when walking causing to standstill a lot. The pain is chronic - how do you explain to someone what it feels like to be literally zapped all day - simply for smiling, talking eating… you don’t. Because, they do not understand.
I don’t talk on the phone often, people can’t hear when I’m in pain - or see it happening or care, even after I explain. When I ask people to respond by email, they see it as ‘a chore’ & the whole thing has been a lesson like you can’t even imagine. I’ve been trying to get a response from the town regarding a permit (when the pandemic started the town said they would not be giving out permits) and was forced (yet again) to explain myself as to why "I don’t talk on the phone". What was their response now, to ignore me. No response. Another week passes no permit & no help and no one can take the time to even respond.
Stress added upon stress. There have been several events that have escalated my TN - beyond my control.
I spent the month of March crying in bed, pain so excruciating I couldn’t eat, talk or walk & grumpy to say the least, especially in the morning when I am woken by pain that equates to being jabbed in the temple by a hot sharp pencil. The quote about the sun made me smile... I am like the sun. Norm has been told several times- just leave me - go do his thing and let me come around on my own time. It’s been difficult for him too, he still doesn’t understand, how can anyone, unless you live it.
I don’t care who doesn’t understand because I AM the one living & dealing with ‘it’ daily. I will do what ever it takes to ease this pain - you would too. Actually, a few that have met & spend time with me usually do see & understand quickly & agree -I should do what ever it takes to try to feel better. Is that a crime? Yes, to some narrow minded, judgemental humans it is (still). To feel o.k., actually, it’s a human right.
My TN calmed slightly but that has taken intentional work on my part. Focusing on God - always good. Avoiding ALL others, no visits, which is discouraged during lockdown anyhow. Staying off the computer, not speaking on the phone, not speaking (for days at a time) & especially not giving a fuck about nasty humans - they will continue to prove & expose themselves.
Most successful in calming my condition is to walk in the woods, watch the sunshine dancing in the woods. Which is easy & enjoyable -the girls love lingering with me in there. & painting. I intentionally wanted to give myself a break- even artistically, so I just painting monkey faces for a couple of weeks - no thought - just fun creation -the best kind!.. This next week is all about Primate pondering. Enjoy! I am.
With TLC & THC