Am I feeling depressed, yes.
Let me tell you what runs through my mind - Until I force it to stop:
Why am I painting? ...does anyone care, if I stopped would anyone even notice.
What is the fucking point to all of this? It's all just STUFF.
No one even likes my art (except maybe Ez).
How much do you expect me to deal with Lord? I feel I've had enough.
Go back to bed. Go back to bed. Fuck it- back to bed.
& that is what I did.
Back to bed- cried myselft to sleep for an hour. Norm is working - perfect- I don't like him to see me cry, I know it makes him sad too. The dogs, chickens and goats demand attention up and at it... but I still don't feel like painting or feel loved.
Thank God for DOGS. My dogs love & would miss me - that I am sure of.
If I did not have dogs, goats & chickens I think I'd go and stay in bed today, tomorrow too...
AND THAT is the slippery slope of depression, once it gets you in it's grasp - it does not take much to wrap around and hold you for a while. No matter who you are or what you have.
I'll never get past these feelings, I understand why.
If you don't understand why I'm 'like this' - it's your problem - not mine.
and it is a problem.
So.. tired, depressed, not feeling very hopeful today - I still managed to get this Hippo done. I know it seems like a joke to some, a paper hippo - but it's a big deal to me.. A big accomplishemt considering how I'm feeling.
I still want to believe some kid will print this puppet and it will make them happy - it's that fucking simple!
AT LEAST I TRY. Before You judge me or anyone else today - ASK YOURSELF:
WHAT have you done to TRY to make this a better place today? What?
Feeling depressed? I dare you to make this hippo and play with it- he really is kinda cute.
I made a black & white - for those who wish to colour their own and a full colour - which I printed and made - it turned out better than I thought.
If you wanted a Hippopotamus for Christmas - you're welcome.