Excited for discovery! Ginger - gouache on white 8 x 8
Ginger is always excited for our walks, she keeps up with every step, when I see a mushroom and get a closer look, she's right beside me to get a glimpse too and a sniff. Her enthusiasm is contagious as is her excited little wiggle of her constant curly tail. I enjoy painting her comical smile eyes looking at the viewer as if to ask - do you see this? I'm always amazed that she keeps up and sometimes takes the lead when you see her chubby tiny body, we're still trying to get her to slim down which will probably always be an issue. Our other dogs eat & then walk away... not Ginger, she eats hers and goes to see what other 'left so we now have to pick up all other dishes. I love her little chunky charms & always look forward to watching her discover the forest & yard.
This past week has been challenging an somewhat difficult, mentally & physically... I had a flare up with arthritis in my painting hand, it turns out my thumb has decide to go a direction of its own, away from the hand. Arthritis fascinates me at times - too bad it hurst so much or I'd be more fascinated. This new positioning seemed as though my thumb dislocated itself-becoming very painful, I took a break from pretty much everything, including painting. I had to. Once the pain settled enough to hold a brush - holding a brush proved challenging (again). I've had to learn all over to hold my brush a little differently, I can't twirl it as easily or apply pressure the same. I had choices... give up or don't. I chose (as you can see) not to give up. I dropped my brush way to many times than I care to admit (that racoon sign which normally would have taken a couple of hours, took days) but I'm getting better at relearning how to grip my brush lower.
Yes, I did get bummed a few days, felt sorry for myself, angry with arthritis and perhaps w wee bit with God. As usual, it is God that got me through it the most, inspiring me with words to create as we have been created to do. God & rest. God and refusing to do for others as I usually do... I didn't ask for my hands to cripple but I'm sure as not apologizing for it, even though I showed Norm how swollen an bent an sore it was - it took a few yelling segments to remind him that I can't do things and a little simple courtesy is expected, why I have to ask is mind-blowing. I'm sure I will have to ask again too. , this speak more about his character than mine. This reminds me of a book: Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward. Written by: Gemma Hartley. Mostly it made me shake my head and think, this is my life and the brutal realization - it's the lives of too many women. If I had a daughter it would be mandatory reading with a message of "now good luck finding such a rare creature, that this tale doesn't apply to." I wanted to write the author and ask - why didn't you touch on the topic of what happens when a woman becomes ill in the relationship compared to how men fare when ill?! Well, she did for a split second but not the actual level of reality. It's been 30+ years and I'm still fighting/arguing/yelling about all topics expressed with emotional labour & had I known what I know now, this marriage would have ended after it's 3rd year when I was already seeing the issues & demands 'expected' of me.
Norm in particular has said some incredibly destructive things over the decades, like the time he told me 'I didn't contribute anything to this marriage, (meaning financially - clearly raising his son meant little to him) so I had 'no say' when purchasing a kitchen appliance'. The time he mentioned I looked like an old lady & didn't care about his feelings, because I got tired of poisoning my scalp & body with hair colour and went grey. When Storm was a toddler & I'd ask for help -Norm would begrudgingly come over, lift Storm up and say out loud: Mommy doesn't love you anymore - just because I asked for help so I could fold the F*&^%$ laundry. The list is endless and growing & it has not gotten better, if anything it's got worse because he clearly doesn't care and still does things I've cried about, begged, yelled and threatened he stop doing. Women asking over and over is seen as nagging & bitching and we are shamed and belittled for it. It has made for a miserable marriage a lot of the time & that I don't wish on male or female, marriage is difficult enough with out being constantly degraded by our spouse who promised to love. Norm is very aware of how much I've done over the years and I partly blame myself (also a joke) because I did it all, cooked the meals, cleaned the house, raised our son - ALL so he could come home and sit in front of the TV or screw off to the garage where he would do what ever he wanted, for decades. She ends by contradicting herself... once again pointing out 'we as women should know how to ask, and lower our standards... our expectations for men, what a joke. If I had an actual hardcover I might have tossed it in the fire out of frustration.. still, I do encourage women (& men) to read it to KNOW - it's not just me... it's not just you.. it's a 'way' we've been trained to BE & way too many women are FED UP. Things need to change or marriages will continue to fail & domestic violence will continue to escalate. That's how she should have ended the book, with current statistics & facts.
Time to paint the next creation inspired by who else... God.
Ginger is always excited for our walks, she keeps up with every step, when I see a mushroom and get a closer look, she's right beside me to get a glimpse too and a sniff. Her enthusiasm is contagious as is her excited little wiggle of her constant curly tail. I enjoy painting her comical smile eyes looking at the viewer as if to ask - do you see this? I'm always amazed that she keeps up and sometimes takes the lead when you see her chubby tiny body, we're still trying to get her to slim down which will probably always be an issue. Our other dogs eat & then walk away... not Ginger, she eats hers and goes to see what other 'left so we now have to pick up all other dishes. I love her little chunky charms & always look forward to watching her discover the forest & yard.
This past week has been challenging an somewhat difficult, mentally & physically... I had a flare up with arthritis in my painting hand, it turns out my thumb has decide to go a direction of its own, away from the hand. Arthritis fascinates me at times - too bad it hurst so much or I'd be more fascinated. This new positioning seemed as though my thumb dislocated itself-becoming very painful, I took a break from pretty much everything, including painting. I had to. Once the pain settled enough to hold a brush - holding a brush proved challenging (again). I've had to learn all over to hold my brush a little differently, I can't twirl it as easily or apply pressure the same. I had choices... give up or don't. I chose (as you can see) not to give up. I dropped my brush way to many times than I care to admit (that racoon sign which normally would have taken a couple of hours, took days) but I'm getting better at relearning how to grip my brush lower.
Yes, I did get bummed a few days, felt sorry for myself, angry with arthritis and perhaps w wee bit with God. As usual, it is God that got me through it the most, inspiring me with words to create as we have been created to do. God & rest. God and refusing to do for others as I usually do... I didn't ask for my hands to cripple but I'm sure as not apologizing for it, even though I showed Norm how swollen an bent an sore it was - it took a few yelling segments to remind him that I can't do things and a little simple courtesy is expected, why I have to ask is mind-blowing. I'm sure I will have to ask again too. , this speak more about his character than mine. This reminds me of a book: Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward. Written by: Gemma Hartley. Mostly it made me shake my head and think, this is my life and the brutal realization - it's the lives of too many women. If I had a daughter it would be mandatory reading with a message of "now good luck finding such a rare creature, that this tale doesn't apply to." I wanted to write the author and ask - why didn't you touch on the topic of what happens when a woman becomes ill in the relationship compared to how men fare when ill?! Well, she did for a split second but not the actual level of reality. It's been 30+ years and I'm still fighting/arguing/yelling about all topics expressed with emotional labour & had I known what I know now, this marriage would have ended after it's 3rd year when I was already seeing the issues & demands 'expected' of me.
Norm in particular has said some incredibly destructive things over the decades, like the time he told me 'I didn't contribute anything to this marriage, (meaning financially - clearly raising his son meant little to him) so I had 'no say' when purchasing a kitchen appliance'. The time he mentioned I looked like an old lady & didn't care about his feelings, because I got tired of poisoning my scalp & body with hair colour and went grey. When Storm was a toddler & I'd ask for help -Norm would begrudgingly come over, lift Storm up and say out loud: Mommy doesn't love you anymore - just because I asked for help so I could fold the F*&^%$ laundry. The list is endless and growing & it has not gotten better, if anything it's got worse because he clearly doesn't care and still does things I've cried about, begged, yelled and threatened he stop doing. Women asking over and over is seen as nagging & bitching and we are shamed and belittled for it. It has made for a miserable marriage a lot of the time & that I don't wish on male or female, marriage is difficult enough with out being constantly degraded by our spouse who promised to love. Norm is very aware of how much I've done over the years and I partly blame myself (also a joke) because I did it all, cooked the meals, cleaned the house, raised our son - ALL so he could come home and sit in front of the TV or screw off to the garage where he would do what ever he wanted, for decades. She ends by contradicting herself... once again pointing out 'we as women should know how to ask, and lower our standards... our expectations for men, what a joke. If I had an actual hardcover I might have tossed it in the fire out of frustration.. still, I do encourage women (& men) to read it to KNOW - it's not just me... it's not just you.. it's a 'way' we've been trained to BE & way too many women are FED UP. Things need to change or marriages will continue to fail & domestic violence will continue to escalate. That's how she should have ended the book, with current statistics & facts.
Time to paint the next creation inspired by who else... God.
getting use to a new direction.
