I started this year speaking with God and have been enlightened on a couple of topics, one is my illness. It is a gift. Although I still wrestle with this numerous times, 'I get it' and slowly feel grateful more and more each day for it. It has progressed somewhat.
I struggle with being 'seen'. When I'm out and about' in public.. my attacks happen of course and sometimes people can see my pain. Most of the time people can see my pain. I see it reflected in their face and it hurt me in a different way... I'm always saying "don't judge- you can't see peoples pain" (like my own son's) and here I am- you can see mine and people do react- it is a gift.. people reflect back who really see- they hurt too.. they seem to feel for a second too.. & that bothered me! Holy, was that ever a shock to my mind. I can SEE they care and people usually become very nice. For example, I was in the mall a candle shop before Christmas- (bad idea in general) I can't handle crowd anymore... but at the cash I was short $20.! and Storm who usually is close and often get's "Storm!, I need some money.." ( and he always does - my son looks after me xox) well I had an attack - strong & quick and the woman saw it and my one eye start to tear.. she then said: take your time love.. " and when I said I was short - put something back.. I can't find my son... ( 20 people in line behind me..) she said "oh, I found a coupon - don't worry about it." I tried to say no and she said go. My 'Peach do't kill my Vibe' candle is all the sweeter & I am reminded of a strangers kindness.
Someone heard negative things about me, she got on a plane came to meet me for herself, (it's complicated) she realized after SEEing and all I am dealign with, she had been lied to in many ways & about me in particular. I had no problems proving what had happened with email, photos, etc but it was seeing my health that angered her to know someone was f*cking intentionally with me, what kind of person behaves like this, not who she thought she knew after all. She stayed a few days and before she left she apologized to me and my family, and thanked us for her 'gift of meeting us an having her eyes opened & for the kindness we shared.
After this visit- for a while it made me want to hide deeper..
because of someone elses' bad behaviour.
Then God explained it to me & more, it was time. Finally.
Ironically, I had sent the person who was lying about me an e mail before 'all this' saying.. "You won't come meet me, because of my condition- you're too vain to be seen with anyone like me." After my visitor, I learned how true 'my gut was' and I shall continue to listen to it.. A blessing in disguise. I could very easily be bitter -why bother- I have better things to do! But I still need reminders.
To Be HaPPy! Because I can! I know who I am & why I do what i do!
Forgive.. some people are really suffering inside to be so intentionally cruel to others.
Give Thanks!! There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for- shelter on a cold day.
Don't believe everything you hear- if you care enough find out! If you don't let it go...
sooner or later the truth comes out. Be patient... let God handle it.
Practice Mindfulness &meditation - I do! Painting everyday is just one way
*I just realized I used too "l's in Mindfulness ! lol God keeps me humble.
Cultivate! Plant what you want to grow!
If you need reminders put them up!
Tomorrow Peyote dreams... painting. & my christmas gift 'Vision'.